126 | Transcending Oversimplification
August 1, 2022
Minute of Transparency: The Beautiful Game
Today's Topic: Transcending Oversimplification
Judging books by their covers
Commonly oversimplified
The proximity solution
// 1. JUDGING BOOKS BY THEIR COVERS
In essence - this is what I did with soccer. I took one look at the cover of the book and decided in advance it wasn't for me. I looked at it from afar, made a bunch of judgments and assumptions and wrote it off just like that.
I never opened the book. I never read a single chapter. I simply decided in advance that it wasn't a book for me. Not something I want to read. It didn't matter how many people told me to read the book - I wasn't about it. I wasn't up for giving it a try.
And the longer I live, the more I see this for what it is.
Oversimplification...
Looking at someone or something and writing the entire story in our mind without any factual information at all.
And for our purposes today I want to refer to this as Oversimplification...
Boiling something extremely complex down into something our simple little minds can latch onto. Sometimes for good - but often not so good - often drawing the wrong conclusions and believing the worst about that person, place or thing.
In the past we've addressed this idea of "Cognitive Distortions" - and SimplePsychology.com provides an article with 11 of them:
The funny thing is that "oversimplification" is not on their list
However, in reading through them I feel like "Oversimplification" is actually a concept that includes some of the ones on their list
For example:
Overgeneralization
Jumping to conclusions
Predictive thinking
Labeling
-and-
Black and white thinking
But let's start from ground zero: Dictionary.com defines it this way:
To "oversimplify" is to "simplify to the point of error, distortion, or misrepresentation"
Great definition! So back to my soccer illustration:
I simplified the game down to the point of error
What I thought about soccer was a distortion
And when I talked about soccer - it was probably a terrible misrepresentation of the sport
On some level - this process of oversimplification is us making judgments about someone or something. Being judgmental without cause.
And what do we call that? Being Prejudice. Because we are pre-judging or judging beforehand. Without all the facts.
Anyone else see where I'm going with this?
Because I believe this is one of the biggest issues we face today.
Not because we as people are getting better at oversimplification. Though that may be true on some level.
But I would suggest it's happening more and more often because of technology. More specifically the technology that has changed the landscape of our culture. Specifically how we communicate. The Internet, YouTube, Social Media and every other platform that provides instantaneous access to the world - the ability to say whatever you want to say whenever you want to say it. No questions asked - well most of the time...
And in a world where this is possible - it also makes oversimplification that much more prevalent.
Both from the people spewing their opinions and for the people hearing them.
What do I mean by that?
Well, on the one hand - think what I might have said if I had all of this technology back then!
I probably would have said some really judgy things about soccer
Things that were obvious oversimplifications of The Beautiful Game
Then, on the receiving end - people around the globe would have seen my rants about soccer!
My guess is that many of them would have immediately oversimplified me as a person - based on my rants about soccer
And that's what I'm talking about - the ease with which we oversimplify things in this new world of global communication.
At the end of the day - the technology we have in place provides the following:
It provides space, and distance between people
It keeps us on a very high level with others - making it even easier to oversimplify them
And when you're not going very deep with people, you won't understand where they're coming from
You see this all the time - especially on TikTok
Someone posts a video with a strong opinion
And another person comments that they are on crack
Then the original person posts a rebuttal
To which another person lashes out
Now this is nothing new - people used to do this in the comment section of blog posts
But with TikTok you get a front row seat - video and all - to the back and forth
And it's amazing to see the oversimplification at work
// 2. COMMONLY OVERSIMPLIFIED
So technology might be the vehicle making our oversimplification possible. But let's back up the bus and talk about what it is we're oversimplifying.
And since it would take forever to list every single thing specifically - let's use our old friends People, Places & Things as buckets.
This will at least help us understand broad areas where we're prone to oversimplify.
And again, our working definition is that to oversimplify is to "simplify to the point of error, distortion, or misrepresentation."
People:
This one probably has the most devastating effect
Because it's directed at another person
Obvious examples:
Judging people based on race, ethnicity, socio-economic status, gender, sexual identity, etc.
Believing in historical stereotypes like "All Canadians know how to play hockey..." It's just not true...
Politics is another area where people tend to oversimplify - especially these days with the growing polarization seen in our country
People on each side are throwing oversimplified insults the other direction
If you're a democrat - you believe in socialism and you're trying to destroy our country
If you're a republican - you believe in religious nationalism and want the entire world to be ruled by your brand of Christianity
Now there are definitely people on both sides of the political aisle that fit these descriptions
But by oversimplifying - and clumping a person into one of those camps simply because of the way he or she voted in the last election is far from accurate
Roe v Wade being overturned should be a glaring example of that. We tend to oversimplify and believe that all Republicans are Pro Life. In this scenario our country must be equally divided - making Roe v Wade something that hangs in the balance between two ideations. But this is actually not true. In fact, the majority of our country is Pro Choice - 55% and growing according to a recent Gallup Poll
So the truth is - the only reason Roe v Wade was overturned was because a conservative Supreme Court had the power in their hands - and decided to act on their religious beliefs vs. the will, and the good of the people they serve
Places:
This is probably the least obvious of the three
But we do oversimplify places
Don't believe me?
When I say Russia - what's the first thing that comes to your mind?
Putin?
Communism?
Evil?
Bullying?
War criminals?
Dangerous to the entire planet?
I know! Me too!
But by now we should be starting to see how these beliefs are an oversimplification
When the war in Ukraine started - we took the behavior of one man (Putin) and his corrupt government - and assuming that this was the will of an entire country
As if every Russians signed a document requesting that Putin invade Ukraine
However, similar to our misunderstanding of the the Roe v Wade thing - we're way off here as well
Now - on the surface it's confusing - right? Many polls suggest upwards of 70% of the Russian population agree with Putin's rationale for the war in Ukraine
The problem is - the average Russian doesn't even understand what's going on
Thanks to the Russian media - which is corrupt and controlled by the government
So what they're hearing - is a very shaded version of the truth
The Russian people are also afraid to speak up
Living in Russia isn't like living in the United States - just ask Brittney Griner about that
You're always under threat of incarceration for statements against the government
Similarly, any formal protest, or march often winds up in people being incarcerated for long periods of time - not a legal system you want to get involved with in Russia
Phone conversations, text conversations and even social media can be watched and monitored - making it hard to gauge the true beliefs of the Russian people
But when you get the average Russian alone - here's what we're finding:
The Russian people are ashamed of the war
They can't believe what Putin is doing to a country that was living in peace and was not threatening Russia in any way
They wish the war would end - like a bad dream
One final example of a place we oversimplify: The Ghetto:
Now - notice I didn't say what ghetto? Or where?
I simply said "ghetto" and immediately you had a reaction - right?
Because we've oversimplified it in our minds:
We assume drug use
Gang violence
Murder
Carjackings
Chop shops
Breaking and entering
Graffiti
Bad public schools
Low graduation rates
Homeless people
and the list goes on...
And while many of these things do happen in the "ghetto" - they also happen in other areas
And not everyone in the "ghetto" is participating in those behaviors
How do we know? Because we hear story after feel-good story about people who made it:
A kid who lived in the "ghetto" - but made good choices
Took school seriously - maybe played a sport - or were part of an after school club offering safe alternatives to the streets
But whatever the case - they worked hard to build a good life
And for them - it worked out
Today they're an actress, a college graduate, a professional athlete
And I think we latch onto those stories because they break the bubble for us
They poke holes in the way we oversimplified the "ghetto"
Which is why those stories hold so much weight
Now - important caveat before we move on:
What I'm NOT saying is that we need to start looking at the "ghetto" as a fun little neighborhood down the street where nothing bad ever happens
That is completely irrational
There is no getting around the fact that there are low income neighborhoods all across our country - in every city, and every state
And unfortunately we - as a society - have been ok with these areas going to hell in a hand-basket
We don't police them the same
We don't provide the same educational opportunities
We look the other way when it comes to the drug and homelessness problems that exist
All part of this capitalistic system we've built in our country
Survival of the fittest...
Pull yourself up by your bootstraps...
Nobody's going to help you - so you need to help yourself...
Only for many people there is no help to get - no set process for getting out of systemic poverty
So I'm not saying we accept it - what I am saying is that when we oversimplify the "ghetto" as this place where nothing good happens:
It's easy for us to look the other way
Pretend that it's this big problems that isn't fixable
And the worst part is we fail to see the people involved
We fail to see that there are hundreds upon thousands of real people living there with real kids, real hopes, real dreams and real talents that are just waiting to be unleashed
I've struggled with this form of oversimplification my whole life:
Viewing the "Inner City" this way keeps it out of sight out of mind
It is what it is - so just don't every get lost and end up there by accident
In fact - I even used the Bible to rationalize my views:
John 12:8 - "For the poor you have with you always, but Me you do not have always.”
That's all I needed to hear...
They're always going to be there - so what's the point trying to help - or fix the problem?
Nothing is going to change
But how sad is that?
This has been part of my spiritual journey - and my movement through the colors of Spiral Dynamics
It's growth, awakening, enlightenment, deconstruction - all of the above on some level
Coming to realize how interconnected we all are on this planet
Things:
Okay - so let's finish up with the most broad category - things...
Obviously we can't work our way through all of the things - because that would take years
So the important distinction here is that these aren't people, and they aren't places
So everything else...
My soccer example in the Minute of Transparency
Soccer is a thing - and something I had grossly oversimplified in my little mind
An easy way to look at this category is to ask yourself this question: "What are some things I would say I hate, dislike or am just not into?"
That was soccer for me - I disliked it and had no desire to get into it
But what are some other things that fall into that category for me? Or for you?
Maybe it's theater? Until my middle daughter started performing I had only seen one Broadway Show in my entire life - Les Miserables in Chicago
And I had oversimplified that entire genre - into something that wasn't for me - something that I never really needed to do again:
Here we are -years later - and I go see every possible thing my daughter performs in
Tammy got annual passes to the Segerstrom - which is our local theater with off Broadway shows
And I've been with her to at least 5 musicals - and I actually look forward to them
Why? Because my oversimplification of the genre was challenged
So what is it for you? What are some things you've oversimplified to the point where you've put it on a shelf so high you can't even reach it?
// 3. THE PROXIMITY SOLUTION
So we've spend the bulk of our time defining oversimplification - and the people, places and things that often house these oversimplifications.
But now that we understand the basics - what do we do?
How do we keep ourselves from falling into this trap?
Well, there are many ways.
In fact, the article I referred to earlier from SimplePsychology.com has a bunch of suggestions. Here are the ways they suggest we work on our cognitive distortions:
Identify the thought: Get to the place where you can see that your thinking about that thing is suspect
Reframe the situation: Look for alternative explanations
Perform a cost-benefit analysis: Figure out what your oversimplification is costing you
Replace absolutes: Get rid of words like "always" and "never"
Label the behavior: Instead of labeling yourself as bad, or broken - label the behavior itself
Find the evidence: Become a scientist, a researcher or a detective in order to prove the evidence you are using to oversimplify
Search for positive aspects: Basically, replace your oversimplification with another thought or behavior - one that you know is more positive
All good things - but I want to throw in one more - one that I believe supersedes (or at least includes) those in the list above.
And that is the idea of "proximity."
Proximity is defined by dictionary.com as:
"nearness in place, time, order, occurrence, or relation"
"closeness"
To me - this is the single-most important element in busting oversimplification.
"Closeness"
"Nearness"
"Proximity"
Why? Let me explain:
The fastest way to create oversimplifications in our life is to distance ourselves from them
The farther away we are from the person, the place or the thing - the easier it is for oversimplifications to form
But - the good thing - is that the opposite is also true
The fastest way to bust an oversimplifications is to decrease the distance
The closer we are to the person, place or thing - the harder it is to oversimplify it or them
"Proximity is the antidote to oversimplification..."
“Proximity is the antidote to oversimplification.”
Here are just a few examples:
When I started going to soccer games, talking about soccer and coaching soccer - I was no longer able to hold onto my oversimplification of The Beautiful Game
When I started watching my daughter perform in musicals - I was no longer able to oversimplify the genre
When I started helping my son look for 1990s Mazda Miatas - and then helping him fix one up - I was no longer able to oversimplify working on automobiles
When we started bringing kids into our home through the Safe Families program - we were no longer able to oversimplify the difficulties people face and what it means to be a single parent with no help
And the list goes on and on...
Proximity is a fork in the road. The closer you get to a person the more you realize you have two options:
You can hold onto your oversimplification, double down and even fight the person (though if this is the case you were never truly "proximate")
You realize there's more than meets the eye - and you watch the oversimplification disappear...
Let's finish up with a difficult one:
At this point in our history - political polarization has become a big deal...
Now - it may have been like this in the past - at some point
But looking back over my lifetime I don't recall it ever being like this
And like we've discussed - the farther apart we are - the easier it is to oversimplify those on the other side of the aisle
Each side judges the other based on political affiliation alone
Throw in technology, and social media, and it's like throwing gasoline on a fire
I've even seen people on TikTok filming homes in their neighborhoods - making fun of the people living there simply because of the flags flying in the yard
But again - there is distance - they don't know the people living in the house - and there is no proximity
But let's say that something happens - something that forces proximity:
Two families - each on opposite sides of the aisle
Each family has a son
And those two boys wind up on the same soccer team
Now there is proximity
Both families are going to be on the sidelines together
Both families will spend weekends together at tournaments
Both families are going to see their sons working together to achieve a common goal
Both families might see their boys hugging each other after a scored goal
One of the families might see the other families son pick their son up after an injury and help him off the field
And after all of these proximate interactions - there's a chance the political polarization fades
Because these phrases start to mean something:
Walk a mile in their shoes
See the world through their eyes
See behind the formal curtain
And the more you know about a person's past, their upbringing and things that hurt them along the way - you start to develop empathy
You realize they're on a journey just like you are
Now - I said at the beginning that this was a difficult one:
There's a reason why they say not to talk about politics or religion at Thanksgiving...
Because there's a chance these families could continue on as they were - allowing their political beliefs to cloud their judgment
Keeping them from actually listening, hearing and learning from the other family
That's a very real possibility
But so is the other - the possibility that proximity changes things
That the families become close enough to even share a backyard barbecue someday
That they're able to focus on similarities and agree to disagree on the other stuff...
Okay - I said that was the last one - but let's throw in one more just because:
I'm adding this one for a friend...
Let's say my friend has oversimplified the LGBTQ+ issue
He created distance - both physically and cognitively - from people falling into this population
And this distance has allowed his oversimplification to grow into a highly opinionated, deeply rooted world view
Then let's say his son comes to him one day and says, "Dad, I'm gay. I've always been gay. I just never felt like I was able to be open and honest about it."
Here's the interesting twist - now I'm in a dilemma (I mean my friend is in a dilemma)
Because the distance that existed between my friend and that group of people just disappeared
Immediately...in the blink of an eye
Because the proximity he has with his son is now challenging the distance he had with the LGBTQ+ community
So the oversimplification he has held for so long is now at an immediate fork in the road - a fork he didn't even see coming
Proximity now forces the two decisions:
He can dig in - hold onto his oversimplification - and probably ruin the relationship with his son forever
He can allow the proximity (what he already knows to be true about his son) - to dissolve the oversimplification
Now I told that story the way I did - not because my son came to me with that revelation.
But because I have played this scenario out in my mind hundreds of times over the years with all three of my kids.
I grew up in a family, in a religious setting, went to religious schools and all at a time where it was easy to oversimplify the LGBTQ+ community.
But over the years I have deconstructed those views - and fought hard to rid my life of those oversimplifications.
And when it comes to this issue - I have played the scenario over and over in my mind. What if one of our kids came to us and revealed this about themself?
What would we do? What would I do?
And though it's been a long road - I can say with certainty today:
I would look them dead in the eye and say, "Thank you so much for trusting us with that information."
"I love you the same yesterday, today and I'll love you the same tomorrow."
"I'm proud to be your parent and I'm going to support you on your journey no mater what that journey looks like."
And the only reason I would be able to say those things is because I let those oversimplifications go
The previous me would probably have said something that would have done irreparable damage to that relationship
Let's Land the Plane:
This week - my questions should be pretty obvious:
In your life - what books to you tend to judge by their covers?
What people, places or things have you oversimplified?
How can you apply the proximity solution to your oversimplifications?
And that's it folks!
Thanks for joining us.
Until next time everyone, have a great week, deconstruct some of those oversimplifications, and as always, keep Transcending Human!