119 | Transcending Past Environments
Date: June 13, 2022
Minute of Transparency: Many Happy Returns…
Today's Topic: Transcending Past Environments
The Midwest
The Environment
The Relationships
// 1. THE MIDWEST
So just as my family picked up and moved us across the country to live in Powell, WY.
So too - Tammy and I picked up our family back in 2016, and moved across the country to live in Orange County, CA.
Which is the back story for this episode. The important information which sets up the return.
Because the Midwest is the place we left. The Midwest is where both Tammy and I spent the bulk of our lives.
Aside from Powell, WY - I lived the bulk of my life in Illinois, Michigan and Indiana.
Tammy was even more centralized to Indiana - living in Elkhart, Mishawaka, Indianapolis, South Bend and eventually Granger.
So for us - the Midwest was the backbone of our life stories:
The culture, the environment
The four distinct seasons
Extreme heat
Extreme cold
Lots of rain - and severe weather - including tornadoes
Fun fact - Tammy survived a tornado as a young child. It ripped through her neighborhood and when all was said and done her family was left hiding beside the one wall in the house left standing
That had to be a once in a lifetime experience...
And the Midwest is where our families are:
Tammy's entire family lived in the Midwest - though a few have moved westward
My family remains in Michigan - with the exception of my sister - who decided with her husband that Beirut, Lebanon was a nice place to settle down
So the Midwest was our main sphere of influence:
It was the type of people you saw every day
The work ethic
The middle America lifestyle
The attitudes, the friendliness, the religious beliefs, the political beliefs
All of that creeps into you and makes you who you are - to an extent you may not even realize while living there...
It wasn't until we moved to CA that we realized just how brainwashed we were on certain levels
And we realized just how different people can be based on where you live
Not all bad - but just different in so many ways
So this is the backdrop for our story today.
Our family has lived in CA for almost 6 years now - and we've been back to the Midwest a few times. But this week our entire family came back for a wedding. And we stayed for the week to see as many people as possible.
And I think I alluded to something on the podcast, or maybe it was on TikTok - can't remember. But I threw it out there that I wasn't 100% sure how I felt about coming home. Coming back to the Midwest...
There were times of excitement, but there were also times of anxiety and trepidation - like it would just be so much easier not to go...
So for the rest of this episode I wanted to do a brain dump about our trip. And focus on these two things:
The Environment
The Relationships
// 2. THE ENVIRONMENT
Returning to the Midwest from the Southern California is something:
You're going from brown to green
From Palm Trees to every tree known to man
From the desert to grassy plains
From lots of people to smaller amounts of people
From traffic to open roads
From diversity to very little diversity
From Prius' and Teslas to monster trucks and tractors
From a wide variety of food choices to a more restricted style of food
From a fast-paced life to a slightly slower way of living
From high energy entrepreneurs to people working more traditional 9-5 jobs
And yes - moving from blue to red when it comes to politics...
And these are just a few of the obvious differences in the environment
We flew in late last Friday night and stayed at the Lake House owned by my wife's side of the family.
Aside from attending the wedding on Saturday - the rest of the weekend was spent with her family on the lake.
Quiet, peaceful, laid back - all the things I remember about Lake Life.
Then - Sunday Night - we transitioned up to Mishawaka - where we stayed with relatives for the rest of the week.
This would allow us to be closer to the family members, and the friends we would connect with before leaving.
During the week we drove past our old houses, hit the main thoroughfares and got to see how much had changed.
On the one hand, there were new things. New businesses, new homes and new traffic lights.
On the other hand you could say not a lot had changed. So many of the things we remembered are still there. Just older and more run down.
The amount of green was overwhelming on some level. After living in the desert for 6 years you almost forget how green it can get during the spring and summer months.
Another thing that stood out was the variety of birds. At my parents house I saw every possible color variation from Robins, to Cardinals, Blue Jays, Orioles, Finches, Woodpeckers and Hummingbirds - so much variety - and so bright and colorful.
In Southern California we're overrun with Ravens, and most of the small birds are a shade of brown or gray...
Driving is a different beast as well. In the Midwest - 55mph is still a thing - and in town 35mph and 45mph are common. The roads are terrible - but when you have 4 seasons that can't be helped. The freeze-thaw cycles cause cracks which lead to potholes which need repaired on a regular basis.
In California you don't have the potholes, there is a lot more traffic and you drive at a much faster pace. Even in town - the main arteries are usually 60mph with three or four lanes in each direction.
And then there is the weather. In Southern California it is dry - too dry right now. We've been in a drought for years and that means water is in short supply and wild fires are growing in severity.
But you'd never guess that living in the Midwest!
This week we had rain more days than not. One afternoon we were sitting at a friends house and for a while the sun was shining brightly, and at the same time it was raining cats and dogs.
Just another day in the Midwest...
And finally - life just happens at a slower pace in the Midwest. You can see it physically in the speed limits. But there is something else - something you can't put your finger on that suggests a slower pace.
I'm sure this is even more evident when you visit the deep south. At least I've heard that to be true.
In the Midwest - life just happens a bit more methodically. And I realized in returning to the area that I never appreciated this for what it was.
When I lived in the Midwest - I thought life was moving at a crazy pace. And we did everything in our power to live at that crazy pace. Tammy and I had multiple jobs, we had three kids, we had a house and yard to take care of, we had activities, church, travel sports, theater and all that stuff to juggle.
But even with all that - life still operated a bit slower than it does in other places.
When we arrived in Orange County - things moved faster. The traffic to be sure - but life in general. People work hard so they can play hard.
The entrepreneurial spirit is strong - everyone has an agenda, a goal and a dream they want to make happen.
Costs are high - making the margin for error razor thin.
Keeping up with the Jones' is definitely a travel sport in California.
So returning to the Midwest brought with it a level of peace. The ability to take a deep breath and slow our roll just a bit.
To sit and wait for a train to go by. To watch cows and horses grazing in open fields. To slow down for an Amish horse and buggy on the road in front of you.
And just taking the time to sit and talk with old friends.
Not that you can't do that in Southern California - but for some reason it just feels different.
// 3. THE RELATIONSHIPS
So the stuff I just walked through - the physical stuff, the environmental stuff - all of that's interesting to me - but I didn't spend time thinking about that before returning to the Midwest.
My focus was on the people, the relationships and the interactions we would have.
Last week I talked about being nervous - unsure how things would go.
Maybe because I tend to be an introvert.
Or maybe because I was remembering the first return - moving back to the Midwest after living in WY for 7 years. And having to rekindle friendships with people who were SO different than I remembered.
Whatever the case - that's what was going through my mind on the way back to the Midwest this time.
But after a week of interacting with family and friends - my fears were laid to rest. At the end of the day there was no need for the anxiety - the concern - and the preconceived notions.
Overall - it was great. We were able to spend time with both sides of the family. Parents, siblings and cousins who are growing like weeds.
We spent time with our close friends - the people we still try to do life with when possible. Families we'll meet in neutral locations and vacation with. Friends my wife talks to at least 2-3 times a week.
And then we were able to see old acquaintances - families that weren't in the inner circle - but people we spent time with and care about.
And after all of these interactions I came to the following conclusions:
Family is important:
We all know this - and we all can recite it for a test
But at the end of the day do we really believe it?
I mean do we live like it's true?
This week our immediate family - the 5 of us - got to spend time together again
Which is always so much fun
And I'm reaching the age where this can't be taken for granted
With two in college and one getting close to graduating high school - these days won't be around for long
Very quickly our kids will be marrying, starting their own families and it will be harder to coordinate time together
We also got to spend time with extended family
We spend time with my parents - which is always so easy - you just jump right back in where you left off
Though we don't communicate well when apart - and the years are slipping by
We spent time with Tammy's side of the family
Parents, siblings, aunts and uncles
All doing well
Time flies when you're having fun:
It wasn't lost on me that time flies when you are apart
People grow
Things change
Divorces happen
People pass away
It's the circle of life - but it can be jarring when you aren't there every day to see the incremental changes
When you pop out for 6 years then pop back in - you really notice the changes
Cousins who went from newborn to 7 years old
People who aged tremendously while you were away
People who lost a bunch of weight and look 10 years younger
It's amazing what even 5 years can change in a person's life
The simple truth is that life never stops
The world keeps spinning - so stay connected to those you love and don't let time pass you by
Times they are a changing:
So part of my concern - part of my trepidation about returning to the Midwest had to do with the polarization in our country
California is very Blue
And the Midwest is very Red
Republicans and Democrats seem to be running in opposite directions while the country is falling apart
And this was made very clear to us - even back in 2015 - before the real polarization began
Family and friends warned us about the liberal agenda in California
To the point of telling us we were bad parents for choosing to raise our kids in that environment
So you can see why I flinch a bit when returning to the Midwest
Not that we moved to California and had to become liberal democrats in order to remain there
In fact we live in a highly Republican county within California
As a family - we have been exposed to both sides - and I must say the diversity of thought is refreshing
And while things were falling apart during COVID - I was never more sure of my political affiliation - which is the fact that I'm not Republican or Democrat
I'm somewhere right smack dab in the middle
I'm an American first and foremost
And the last place I want to be is on the front lines fighting with other Americans over far right or far left agenda items
With how crazy the world is getting - the only way our country is going to remain strong is if we can find common ground and choose to love people right where they are
Let's Land the Plane:
This week has been a bit emotional for me. Mostly my fault - assuming that things would be difficult or contentious in some way.
And of course my pessimism was shown to be a waste of energy.
We had a great time - and it was so good to reconnect with so many people.
This week - think about a few things:
Have you disconnected from people simply because you live somewhere new?
If so - what would it look like to reengage with family and friends?
If you live in the same place you've always lived - but feel disconnected from family or friends - what would it look like to reach out and reconnect?
Has the polarization in this country impacted you?
If so - what would it take to move toward the middle and break down some barriers that are forming between you and those around you?
Have you ever thought about "love" being a political party?
Moving away from the hardline agenda and viewing people as people?
Moving to a more inclusive world view?
Asking yourself what the "loving" thing would be in every possible situation?
That's the journey I'm on these days. And I'm asking you to join me.
The journey to Transcend Human - to rise above the Human Condition.
Thanks for hanging with me this week in Indiana. And for indulging me as I took this little walk down memory lane.
I hope each of you is doing well - and that you're thriving.
Next week we'll jump back into another fun topic - still trying to decide which one to do...
Until then, have a great week everyone, and as always, keep Transcending Human!
References:
None!