120 | Transcending Assumptions
June 20, 2022
Minute of Transparency: Ford LTDs and Mazda Miatas...
Today's Topic: Transcending Assumptions
What assuming does to you
Popular assumptions
Getting out of the assumption business
// 1. WHAT ASSUMING DOES TO YOU
This isn't rocket science - apparently...
In fact most people have heard the phrase: "When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me.."
This was coined by Felix Unger on the TV Show The Odd Couple back in the early 70s.
And strangely enough - it has stood the test of time - which suggests we believe it to be at least partly true.
Now obviously, not every assumption will get us in trouble. It's not an absolute.
But I think we've all had a few assumptions blow up in our faces. So we understand the danger...
So let's back up the bus real quick and get a working definition from dictionary.com:
Starting with the root word assume:
To take for granted or without proof
For example: "I assume that everyone wants peace."
Next the word assumption:
So in both definitions we see that making an assumption is:
Coming to a conclusion when we don't actually know if it is true or not
Or, taking things for granted. Expecting that something will happen without fully knowing it will
So that's the foundation for our entire episode.
So let's get practical and look at a few real life scenarios.
I found an article by Adrian Neumeyer on TacticalProjectManager.com. He tells a couple stories - and I want to read them to you as examples:
FUNNY STORY ABOUT MY COUCH (DON'T MAKE THIS MISTAKE)
Take a look at this picture.
What do you see? Right, it’s a couch.
My wife and I, we own this couch.
And I hate it.
It looks like it's from an 80s movie. Not at all my style.
But it’s the only couch we have. My wife Sonja and I, we spend our evenings on it: Watching Netflix, reading books or writing a new article for you on tacticalprojectmanager.com.
I know, you might be asking:
“Why the heck did you buy it if you don’t like it, Adrian?”
Good question. Here’s the answer …
7 years ago, my wife and I were standing in the furniture store. We needed a new couch. And as I tend to be quite dominant in buying decisions, I wanted to let me wife pick the couch of her dreams.
So we got the big fat elephant.
But...as it turned out recently, my wife explained she didn’t want this couch...at all.
Me: “I thought YOU wanted to have this couch”
My wife: “No, I never liked it! I thought it was YOUR favorite”
Can you imagine how stupid we felt?
$1000 for a couch that neither of us wanted.
What was the problem?
MY WIFE AND I WERE TRAPPED BY A FALSE ASSUMPTION.
This is a funny little story, but it shows you what stupid situations a false assumption can get you into. We can laugh, no one got hurt, and you can say it’s a luxury problem.
But think deeper about assumptions.
Sometimes wrong assumptions can have devastating consequences.
Just look at this incident I came across:
AIR CANADA FLIGHT 143 RAN OUT OF FUEL!
Flight 143 took off with a broken fuel management system. The pilots had assumed the issue wasn’t new and service was possible under these circumstances. To make things worse, the ground crew mixed up gallons and kilograms, and the plane left Montreal with HALF the amount of fuel needed!
And the crew wasn’t aware of it ….
Fortunately, all passengers and crew members survived. The pilots managed to glide the plane down to the nearest airport – with zero engine power.
The lesson?
Never make assumptions when you have no evidence, and when an incorrect assumption could turn into a nightmare for you!
Be very cautious about making assumptions in your projects, too!
When you’re unsure about something being true or not, clarify:
“OK, I understood we’re having this problem, but the issue existed for at least a week and we can still fly the plane safely to Edmonton. Did I understand you correctly?”
Rather than filling in the blanks by making assumptions, clarify those points you are not clear about.
// 2. POPULAR ASSUMPTIONS
Assumptions come in many shapes and sizes. In fact, simplicable.com suggests there are 12 types of assumptions:
Unrecognized
Unstated
Unquestioned
Naive
Pragmatic
Productive
Unproductive
Likely Facts
Predictions
Pessimistic
Sour Grapes
Optimistic
Now - I'm not going to go through each of these and explain what they mean. If you're super interested - I've put a link to the full article in the show notes.
What I find interesting about this list is that optimism and pessimism are both on the list. We'll talk more about that in the next section...
But for now - I want to try and simplify the list of 12 down into 5.
I'm going to refer to these as the 5 Popular Assumptions we often make:
So here we go:
>> 1. Assuming Out of Ignorance:
This is our default setting
Why?
Because as human beings we need an explanation for everything
We aren't good with ambiguity
Any time we meet a new person, encounter a new event or situation
Any time change is introduced
Our brain needs answers - so it starts the process of looking for those answers
And unfortunately, if we aren't actively disputing our thinking, these answers show up in the form of assumptions
Now - I'm not calling the person in this scenario ignorant
I'm saying the assumption rises to the top because of ignorance - which is not having a factual explanation readily available
So in my son's case - hydroplaning in a Miata with racing tires happened out of ignorance - because he didn't know how hydroplaning worked yet - he had never experienced it
But before you laugh at my son - ask yourself how many times you've done the same thing?
We typically call it, "learning the hard way"
And we've all been there
>> 2. Assuming Without Fact Checking:
Now - at first glance it might look like I'm splitting hairs here
Because Ignorance is the same thing as not having the facts - right?
Well, sort of...
I wanted to split them out because to me, assuming out of ignorance is often an innocent thing
It's an assumption you make without even realizing you should do the fact checking
Whereas assuming without fact checking, to me, is a willful act
It's choosing to fly blind
A decision NOT to check the facts - even when we know it's probably the right thing to do
I believe this happens all the time on social media
Everything from people bashing politicians, to racist comments to conspiracy theories
Many of these posts are assumptions people are making without fact checking it first
Emotional responses that come out sideways
Things they were taught as a child, things they picked up from the culture they're part of and even political ideas that are spit out - but never checked to see if they are actually valid
>> 3. Assuming Based on Magic:
I love this one!
Because we all do it - and typically it's for the right reasons
We just want life to get better
We want to be happy, comfortable and we want things to be up and to the right
Unfortunately - this can be the origin of many troublesome assumptions
Even the phrase, "Don't worry - things will get better"
100% assumption - because you really don't know that - right?
After the first wave of COVID we all assumed things were going to get better
Then came the second, third and fourth wave of the pandemic
Maybe someone's trying to beat the magical thinking out of us once and for all! 🙂
>> 4. Assuming Based on You:
Another massive area in our lives where assumptions come from
Within - based on selfishness, blind spots, internalized beliefs we don't even know exist
It's when you look at another person and assume things like:
They'll act a certain way because that's how I would do it
They think the same way I do
They should like the same things I like
They've heard all the same songs and seen all the same TV shows as me
They should operate under the same world view as me - religiously, politically, etc.
And the list goes on and on
Some of the things we catch ourselves on - and we rethink it
But other things just come right out - without a filter
Similar to systemic racism - where you have to do some digging to truly understand how deep it goes
These assumptions are often so ingrained we need a microscope in order to see how ingrained they really are
>> 5. And finally, we have Assuming Based on the Past:
Now this one hurts
Especially for me - because I'm a realist - I look for patterns, trends and things that suggest outcomes
But at the end of the day these are nothing but assumptions
For example, a person can treat you poorly 3 times in a row - suggesting that's how they will always treat you - but then the fourth time - they're as nice as can be
Don't believe me?
What about Ebenezer Scrooge?
What about the Grinch?
People who made assumptions about these two fine chaps got slapped in the face when those assumptions came to a shocking end
So too - if you get too dogmatic about something just because you saw it a few times - you may not see the big change coming
Another example of this can be seen in mental health issues like low self esteem, anger, anxiety and depression:
Not only can these stem from assuming out of ignorance, and assuming without fact checking
But they often stem from making false assumptions based on your past
Believing that past things will always be with you
That bad things in the past predict bad things in the future
That people in the future will hurt you the way people in the past did
etc. etc.
Now, are these the end all be all assumptions?
Of course not...but I think these are some of the most common - and I wanted to name them so they were easy to remember.
That way they are more helpful to us moving forward.
Look at it this way - are you more likely to remember the list of 12? Or my list of 5?
// 3. GETTING OUT OF THE ASSUMPTION BUSINESS
So what are we to do with our tool belt full of assumptions?
Well, I would suggest that we take each assumption out, look it over and then get rid of those we can't prove to be true!
Sounds simple - right?
But obviously it's not. Assumptions are everywhere - some we see and others are so ingrained we may not even perceive them to be assumptions. We can actually get to the place where assumptions have turned into beliefs - strongly held beliefs about people, places and things.
And that's when they can be the most dangerous.
Assumptions like these require the following:
STEP 1: Acknowledgement
Literally seeing it for what it is
Recognizing that you're holding on to something, that isn't based on anything solid
We've all heard the phrase, "Knowing is half the battle"
Step 1 is coming to the understanding that there is a problem
STEP 2: Research/Disputing
We talked about the process of disputing in the Conscience Driven Therapy series
It's a core element from CBT, REBT and other cognitive therapies
The theory suggests that the reason we have problems is because our thinking is not rational
So disputing, or the disputation process is us challenging our irrational thoughts
When it comes to assumptions - the same is true
Once we've identified them - we must do our research and dispute their validity
Only then can we move the assumption into one of two categories
STEP 3: Categorization
Once you have disputed a specific assumption
It's time to place it in one of two categories:
Correct: An assumption that turns out to be factual
Incorrect: An assumption that doesn't pass the validity test
STEP 4: Act Accordingly
This step should go without saying...
Throw out incorrect assumptions
Continue to live under the correct assumptions
Okay...another thing I wanted to talk about is the world view, or mental attitude we each have.
I'll preface it by saying - this probably won't pass the wife test - but we'll see.
My wife considers herself an optimist. And she likes to point out that I lean toward being a pessimist.
And every time we have that conversation I say the same thing...
I'm not a pessimist - I'm a realist. She laughs and we move on...
But I'm not joking when I say that. I've spent a lot of time reading books by Albert Ellis, William Glasser and Aaron Beck to name a few.
Champions in the field of psychology - and specifically cognitive psychology.
So maybe that's where my fascination with realism came from.
All that talk about rational vs. irrational thinking, how we create disturbance within ourselves and the importance of disputing our thinking.
It all led me to the same conclusion. One that was just corroborated in the list of 12 Assumption Types...because optimism and pessimism were listed as types of assumptions...
So here's my theory: I suggest that the only healthy way to view life is through the lens of a realist.
Because each of the other types relies heavily on assumptions:
Optimists:
Positive outlook on life most of the time
But choosing to look at a future event in the positive every time is based on the assumption that it will turn out that way
And if it doesn't turn out the way you assumed it would - you're conflicted
Pessimists:
Negative outlook on life most of the time
Similarly - choosing to look at a future event in the negative every time is based on the assumption that it will turn out that way
But there is no proof that the event will turn out one way or the other
And if things turn out positive rather than negative - you're left wondering why...
Idealists:
Idealists get caught up in the whole "assuming based on magic" thing we talked about above
They have an ideal or preferred vision for the world around them and for their future - and they make assumptions based on these magical ideas
But when things don't work out that way - they're left with questions and frustration
Now, If I had to pick a person to be around - I would pick optimist every day of the week.
Even though there may be some irrational thinking, and some assumptions being made - at least they are positive and upbeat.
The pessimist would be the last on the list as the negativity would probably be too much to handle.
But let's finish up with the Realists - any why having this world view is not only the more rational approach - but quite possibly the best way to fight assumptions.
Realists have a balanced approach to the world around them. They understand that both good things and bad things happen
Realists should understand that one side does not trump the other. For example: just because there is the potential for something bad to happen - doesn't mean it will happen. If you maintain this balance, you will for sure start being viewed as a pessimist
Realists will take steps to protect themselves from bad things - even though they can't prove that they will happen. Crude example: A realist should be willing to wear seatbelts simply because there is the possibility of getting into an accident. It's just the smart thing to do
Based on this world view - a realist should be less prone to the extremes, and to forming assumptions about people, places or things
Let's Land the Plane:
This week - ask yourself the following questions:
Do you fall into the assumption trap?
If so - how often?
And what impact does it have on your life and relationships?
What assumptions are you most susceptible to?
Assuming Out of Ignorance
Assuming Without Fact Checking
Assuming Based on Magic
Assuming Based on You
Assuming Based on the Past
What would it take to decrease the number of assumptions you make this week?
Try the 4 Step Process on specific assumptions
And finally, where do you fall on the mental attitude scale?
Optimist?
Pessimist?
Realist?
Idealist?
What would it look like for you to move a little closer to a realist world view?
And that's it folks!
Thanks for stopping by - love having you with us.
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Next week our episode is called Transcending the Dark. An episode I probably should have done closer to Halloween. Join us as we discuss the dark side of the Human Condition. Satan's playground - and his ultimate goal for each of us.
Until then, have a great week, work on your assumptions, and as always, keep Transcending Human!