111 | Transcending Inactivity
Date: April 18, 2022
Minute of Transparency: When lazy got the best of me...
Today's Topic: Transcending Inactivity
Inactivity x 3
What's next?
How do I get there?
// 1. INACTIVITY x 3
I'm not going to spend a bunch of time defining the word "inactive." Let's just agree it's the opposite of being active - since we all know what that means...
But what I do want to spend some time on is what Inactivity looks like from from three different perspectives:
Physical Inactivity
Emotional Inactivity
Spiritual Inactivity
Physical Inactivity:
I think this is where we get the term "lazy" from
When we choose NOT to be physically active
To be fair though - it's not a 1 for 1
If Albert Einstein wasn't physically active - would we have called him lazy?
I mean...if nothing else - his brain certainly did it's share of exercise
So no - we can't call a person lazy just because they aren't physically active...
But at the same time, the correlation is there
I mean, in the Minute of Transparency didn't I refer to myself as "lazy" when I stopped being physically active
Maybe because looking back - I felt like it was a form of laziness
I had a lot going on - but I wasn't doing much to keep myself fit, strong or healthy
And that inactivity, or stagnation led to a weak core - which led to a fragile back
Or at least that was the doctor's diagnosis...
Basically - he said I sat at a desk too much and was sitting incorrectly on soft chairs and couches...
So I can see the benefit from being active. A while back I started running three times a week - then that turned into walking three times a week. And now I'm back to being "lazy" again. I blame it on the cold mornings we've had for the past few months - but I'm sure that isn't the only thing.
Time to get back into a minimal exercise routine...
Emotional Inactivity:
So interesting question...
What does it mean to be "emotionally inactive"
Well, let's try on a few things:
We could say we're emotionally unavailable (closed off - not willing to feel anything)
Or maybe we struggle to feel the right emotion at the right time (sad when the average person would be happy)
Or maybe we're stuck in a certain emotion all the time (sad, angry, anxious, etc.)
All of these can be clumped into what we call mental health problems
And that's what I really mean by being "emotionally inactive"
It's living life without fully feeling it
Being checked out on some level
Or struggling deal with the emotions we're experiencing
Or, in my case possibly numbing my discomfort - my negative emotions - with a substance
For me - alcohol was the quick fix for a lot of things
And looking back I have to assume there was an emotional element to it:
There's a good chance I was angry about things like:
My back going out on me
Having high cholesterol despite living the bulk of my life eating well and exercising in order to be healthy
Then maybe there was a level of depression around things like:
Not living up to my own expectations
Not living according to my conscience - behaving in ways that went against my morals or values
Not making enough money for my family
And then there may have been an existential component:
Something I'm going to refer to as "Not heeding the call"
This nagging in my soul
The feeling that I wasn't doing what I was created to do
A feeling that I was supposed to start writing - or keep writing...
I'd written an entire manuscript - then put it on a shelf - not seeing it through
So maybe that was part of it...
At any rate - I learned two very important things during that time of my life:
Alcohol was a crutch I used to mask my Emotional Inactivity
But the unfortunate side effect was a whole lot more Emotional Inactivity
Like I said in the Minute of Transparency:
On the outside - it looked like I was active - right?
Working everyday, coaching the kids, going on vacations, tending the yard, keeping the house from falling apart
But on some level I wasn't active at all
I was just going through the motions - living in a tunnel of routine but getting nowhere
This "emotionally inactivity" looked like:
Me not dealing with my stuff - living in fog instead
My wife not getting all of me - and wondering how bad things were going to get
My kids not getting the dad they deserved
And finally: Spiritual Inactivity:
This one's a bit easier to explain than emotional inactivity
Simply put - spiritual inactivity is choosing not to be spiritual
Or neglecting it along the way
Just like physical inactivity is choosing not to exercise
We're all spiritual beings whether we want to admit it or not:
Rob Bell puts on conferences called "Everything is Spiritual" for a reason
And we've talked about this before on the podcast:
In Controversy Theory we did an episode called: To Be Human Is to Worship
A few weeks ago in the episode called: Transcending Meaning we talked about the "God Shaped Hole"
But no matter how you describe it - we are spiritual beings:
If you believe we were created - you almost have to believe in this spiritual connection
There is something deep inside each of us - longing to know the Creator
Need an illustration?
How about this one:
An adopted girl spends her adult life searching for her birth mother
Why?
She had a great childhood - her adoptive family was incredible - and showed her love
But still - there is a connection that was broken - a connection she longs to find and understand
And so it is with God:
The spiritual connection is there in all of us
But it's up to us if we seek it out or not
Spiritual inactivity looks like:
Choosing not to engage with this desire
Living oblivious to it
Allowing it to fade off into the distance because we're too busy
Not engaging in activities that would strengthen the connection to our Creator
Engaging in activities that make it harder to hear Him calling
So there you have it - Inactivity in three different colors.
The way I described them suggest they're completely separate:
That you could be active in one, and inactive in the other two
Or active in two and inactive in the other one
And maybe this is true.
But in my life I find that these three are interconnected in some strange way.
And that inactivity in one or more of them actually impacts all three.
Simply put: My physical inactivity led to drinking - which enhanced my emotional inactivity - which in turn amplified my spiritual inactivity.
Have you found that in your life? That there are pieces of you that are connected? And pulling one of them in one direction tugs on the others?
For me - this has become very clear.
// 2. WHAT'S NEXT?
The next two sections are the main reason I recorded this episode.
It was fun talking about Inactivity. But this is the phrase I kept saying to myself over the past few weeks:
What's next? And how do I get there?
So let's start with What's next?
Have you asked yourself that before? A few times? Numerous times?
Perhaps at the end of a phase of life?
When you moved from middle school to high school?
When you graduated from high school?
Or college?
When you quit a job? Or were let go from a job?
When a relationship ended?
When a loved one passed away?
All times when you may have asked yourself What's next?
And when you asked yourself this question - what were you looking for?
For me - these life transitions typically included uncertainty and discomfort
So for me - I needed to answer What's next? so I could return to center
So I would have a destination - something I was working toward
And in this came comfort, security and a sense of peace
My assumption is that most of us feel this way during times of transition - some just more deeply than others.
But what if you aren't going through a time of transition?
What if you're knee deep in Inactivity - and that's the reason you're asking What's next?
This was my mindset when I kept asking, What's next? And how do I get there?
It was coming less from a place of transition and uncertainty - and more from a place of stagnation. Inactivity that started to demand answers.
Are you tracking now? Have you asked What's next? recently for this reason? Because you're stuck in a rut of Inactivity and you know there has to be more?
There has to be something next, something new, something bigger and better?
If so - you're in good company.
But before we identify what that is - I want you to hear me say this:
“You are enough. Just the way you are. No strings attached. You are enough.”
I need you to hear that - because episodes like this can suggest we're not enough - that we have to keep bettering ourselves in order to find our value.
But that's not true. It's a lie that we fall for far too often. The truth is this:
We don't Transcend Human in order to find our value
We have value, come to believe it, and then Transcend Human because we can't help ourselves:
We feel indebted to the universe because of this value we have
We want to give back
We want to pay it forward
So that others will see the same, and do the same
In essence it is the circle of life - working to make the world a better place
Okay - back to What's next?
I obviously can't answer this for each of you - because What's next? for me may not be What's next? for you...
Each of us has our own next thing. And we must figure it out for ourselves.
In a recent episode called "Transcending 2022" I asked you to think of it this way:
Ask better questions
Find your vibe
Stretch yourself
This is really what we're doing today - we're asking questions of ourselves in order to determine the vibe we want to have in the future. And then we're stretching ourselves by identifying What's next? for us?
To start you on this process I suggest we take another look at the Inactivity categories we walked through already:
Physical
Emotional
Spiritual
Because our What's next? might be:
Physical:
A new job
A new hobby
A new habit
A new exercise routine
A new relationship
Or maybe it's the reverse:
Quitting a job
Quitting a hobby
Quitting an addiction
Quitting an exercise routine that was being done for the wrong reasons
Quitting a relationship
Emotional:
Choosing to think differently
Choosing to stop thinking so little - or thinking irrationally
Choosing to be more relational
Choosing to be more honest or transparent with people close to you
Setting better boundaries
Standing up for yourself
Spiritual:
Choose to lean into your spiritual side
Listen to your conscience
Add spiritual disciplines into your life
Stop avoiding your spiritual side
Stop putting up barriers to growth in this area
Find a more spiritual friend group
Choose not to be around unhealthy people as often - especially if they are part of the problem - and keep you from growing
Now these aren't fully fleshed out lists - just ideas to get us thinking in that direction.
Hopefully a few of them piqued your interest and gave you ideas on what your What's next? could be.
// 3. HOW DO I GET THERE?
Okay - back to the phrase of the day...
What's next? And how do I get there?
We spent time identifying our What's next?
But once we have one or two - how do we proceed?
How do we get from where we are - to where we want to be?
Today I'm just going to offer two suggestions:
Make it a habit
Be accountable
Make it a habit:
I think we've all heard that it takes 21 days, or doing something 21 times in order for it to become a habit
But things have changed a little since we heard that
Kinda the way CPR changes every year or two - right?
Is it 15 compressions and 1 breath?
Or 30 compressions and 2 breaths?
So it is with habit formation:
The new wisdom suggests that 21 days might be ok for small things - but larger habits - ones that require a major life change may require longer
According to an article on CapeSpace.com
We should really follow the 21/90 Rule
Doing the new thing for 21 straight days
Then - once you've created the habit - continue it for 90 days
It's really the 90 days that solidifies it in our brains neuro-pathways
So if this is true:
Take your What's next? and create a schedule
Let's use exercise as an example because it's an easy one:
Put it on the calendar
6a every morning - walk around the neighborhood
-or-
4 days a week @ 9p Go to the gym
Whatever it is - do that for the next 3 weeks (21 days)
Then keep that up for the next 3 months (90 days)
One more - let's say your What's next? is emotional:
You want to stop being Inactive emotionally
And to do this you're going to put yourself out there and be more social and transparent
Again - it might help to add it to the calendar
Set up lunch with a close friend - maybe once a week
Or possibly rotate through friends and family members in order to set up lunch dates once or twice a week
Next - decide you're going to reach out to at least one person a day in person, over the phone or by text to ask about them and tell them how you're doing
Not just how you want them to think you're doing
But how you're actually doing - even if you aren't feeling 100%
Again - add these things to your routine for three weeks
Then keep doing it for the next 3 months
And hopefully new habits will be formed!
Next, Be accountable:
One of the best ways to keep from doing something, to procrastinate or to kill something off is to keep it hidden from everyone
For example - if you've told yourself you need to start going to the gym - and nobody but you knows you told yourself that - you've given yourself an easy out
You've made it very easy to say things like:
"I don't feel like it this week - maybe next week."
"I walked up the stairs today - I think that counts."
Or my favorite: "I moved the spoon from my bowl to my mouth so many times today - I can't imagine I need to go to the gym now."
Right?!
So easy to play these dumb games with ourselves when we're the only one responsible
But what happens when we open ourselves up and tell another person?
In doing this we create what's called accountability - and it comes in two different flavors:
Random Accountability:
This is the most basic form
And it simply requires you to tell another person what you're up to
This is a good step - but not one you can fully count on
So for example - I randomly tell a friend, "Ya - so I've been thinking about going to the gym more often."
They respond, "That's great! I love that you have that motivation."
Now - the friend may never bring it up again - this is not helpful
Or - maybe you run into the friend a couple weeks later and the friend says, "Hey! I've been thinking about you - how's the gym thing going?"
Now that is helpful - because you realize the other person knows what you're trying to do - and they may randomly check to see if you're doing it
Intentional Accountability:
Obviously - this one is a bit more rigorous
It not only requires you to tell another person - but it requires you to come to an agreement with that person
An agreement where the friend checks up on you on a regular basis for this specific reason
Or - an agreement where the friend is willing to do that thing with you
So using the gym example - maybe you and a friend decide to go together
3-5x a week you meet at the gym, work out and hold each other accountable in the process
So there you go - some ideas on finding What's next? And how to get there?
Let's Land the Plane:
This week ask yourself these questions:
Where do I struggle with Inactivity?
Physical Inactivity?
Emotional Inactivity?
Spiritual Activity?
What's next for me?
Something in one of the areas above?
How do I get there?
What new habit could you form - starting this week?
And is there someone who would keep you accountable to your new habit?
That's it for this week friends!
Thank you so much for joining us on the journey.
Next week we're going to look at the Human Condition in all its glory - in a second installation of Transcending the Struggle.
Until then, have a great week, start your What's next? and and keep Transcending Human!
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