TP02 | Transcendent Parenting | Parenting Isn't Optional
Date: September 6, 2021
We are in the middle of a series called Transcendent Parenting. For those of you following along we're in Week 2. For those of you just joining, here's where we've been so far:
Week 1: First things first - Strong Marriage
Minute of Marriage Transparency: Were kids optional?
Daryl and Tammy discuss their earliest memories about family, kids and what life could look like.
Today's Topic: Parenting Isn't Optional
Having kids comes with responsibilities
Parenting is a high calling
You're always on
// 1. HAVING KIDS COMES WITH RESPONSIBILITIES
I know, we just stated the obvious...
But before we get too far down that road it needs to be said:
“Just because you think having kids would be fun - doesn’t mean you should have kids!”
Ouch...did we just say that?!
We did - because it is true:
Having kids is a HUGE decision
Think about that time you just had to have that dog, or bunny or that fish. You were so focused on the fun and joy it would bring. Then you got the pet, and realized it came with vet costs, food costs, boarding costs, poop cleanup, exercise routines, etc.
Now multiply that by 1000 and you have the responsibility that comes with having kids
Not that we're trying to keep you from getting a turtle, or from having kids - but do so with your eyes wide open
We joke all the time:
In order to drive you have to:
Be a certain age
Study for, and pass a written test
Drive with your parents for 6 months
Take and pass a physical driving test
And after all that - you're still on probation for a year - with driving restrictions!
But if you want to have a kid - feel free! No strings attached...
So what does it mean to go into parenthood with eyes wide open?
Well, the simplest explanation is this: The minute you have kids - you realize it's not about you anymore.
Because there is a lot to do - a lot of responsibilities you didn't have just a few months ago...
But when we use the word "responsibilities" were not just talking about the physical nature of doing more things:
Like feeding them
Changing them
Burping them
Taking them to doctors appointments
Getting them to bed
Reading them stories
Buying the things they need
etc.
Yes - all of these are responsibilities you assume when you become a parent.
But this is just one level of responsibility. In fact there are multiple levels of responsibility - and here are just a few that we feel are important:
Physical responsibilities:
Like the ones we just talked about
Meeting their physical needs
Emotional responsibilities:
Providing a loving environment
Modeling love
Helping them practice love with siblings, friends, etc.
Educational responsibilities:
School - obviously
Though this doesn't end in the classroom
Helping kids with homework
Teaching them how to study
Working with teachers when there are problems
Being a sounding board as they try to decide what they want to do in college
Real world responsibilities:
On some level, teaching them street smarts
But also - domestic education
Teaching them how to keep a house clean, how to use appliances, what it takes to own a house, or a car
Teaching your kids about finances
Helping your kids get in the right boat when it comes to friends
Spiritual responsibilities:
This one comes straight from God
The Bible is pretty clear that we are to teach our kids the answers to the Big 3 Questions:
Where we came from: The fact that God is our Creator
Why we're here: The fact that sin entered the world, creating the human condition we find ourselves in. But understanding that this comes with purpose and meaning - the ability to live a life that where we are choosing Him over the world
Where we're going: The fact that when we choose God - we are choosing eternal life. A life in Heaven with Him forever
Now obviously there is a lot more we could talk about when discussing how to guide our kids spiritually - but the Big 3 Questions are a great start
I know we glossed over those pretty quickly - but don't worry - we address many of them in more detail later in the series.
Getting nervous yet? If so, don't be - we're all on this journey together.
// 2. PARENTING IS A HIGH CALLING
I think this is why we joke about the whole "getting a driver's license" thing. Because it seems a bit strange that there are so many hoops to jump through to drive a car. But you can have kids without so much as a 5 question quiz!
So if parenting is such a high calling, how can that be?
Here's a calling - what do you think about this one:
"We're having kids because it's what you're supposed to do - right? I mean the grandparents are asking for them. So that's what we're going to do. And as long as they don't die - I think we've done our job - right?!"
Uh...No!
That's not the calling we're talking about. Thats sets the bar pretty low doesn't it? As long as they don't die?!
No - we're talking about a high calling. A calling that is above and beyond just their safety.
Like we said above - we have responsibilities in so many areas. Because we hold the keys to the future of a human being. And that's a lot of power.
And like we learned from Spiderman, "With great power comes great responsibility..."
Now one of the reasons we say parenting is a high calling, is the spiritual connection - the fact that we believe God views it as a high calling. And that God has some expectations of us when we decide to have kids.
On the one hand - kids are blessing - a gift from God. But that gift - that blessing - comes with the high calling.
Since this is not a sermon series - we're not going to throw a bunch of Bible verses in your face on parenting. But we will tell you this: If you want to know just how high a calling parenting is - do an offline study on verses about parenting. The Bible has a lot to say about raising kids well, teaching them the difference between right and wrong, the importance of discipline, etc.
In order to flesh out this idea of parenting being a high calling a bit more - we should throw out the following words:
Proactive
Passionate
Diligent
Intentional
These are the kinds of words that come to mind when we think about parenting.
They suggest you have thought it out first, that you have a plan, that you feel strongly about what you're doing, and that you have very specific things you hope to achieve.
That sounds like the way you would attack something that is a high calling - right?
Let's illustrate with a high school football player:
Your coach sits you down and tells you that he believes in you
He (or she) tells you, you are a strong leader
The other players on the team listen to you
You seem to have a way of getting them to play better
And so the coach asks you to lead the team by becoming the captain
Wow! Now that's a high calling. A privilege - but also a calling - right? And when you take on that role, some things start to change:
As captain, you start thinking about what's best for the team vs. what's best for you
You may watch the way you talk about things - what language you use
Maybe you start listening to the coach a bit more in practice so you can reinforce what he's saying with the team
Maybe you stop talking about other players on the team in a negative way
Maybe you start finding the positive in things vs. the negative
Maybe you start showing up to practice early and leaving late
Maybe you actually do some research on what it means to be a strong captain
Why so many changes? Because you understand...it's a high calling.
And so it is with parenting. When you view it this way - as a high calling - you start to view yourself differently. You start to view your role differently.
And that's when you start to be proactive, passionate, diligent and intentional with your kids.
// 3. YOU'RE ALWAYS ON
I don't even remember exactly where we heard this. My best guess is that it was in a parenting series we heard while attending Granger Community Church back in the day…
At any rate, as we launch into this series - this might just be one of the best phrases you can take away from it.
You're always on...
Simply put, when you have kids, very little escapes them. They are always watching, learning and wondering why you do the things you do.
You may not realize this until they are a toddler - or when they start talking. But at some point, something will happen to reinforce this fact:
Maybe they start repeating a word you use all the time
Maybe they yell at someone in the car because they saw you do it
Maybe they dress up like you
Maybe they try to do their hair like yours
Whatever the case - you suddenly realize how observant they are. And you ask yourself, "What else have I been doing in front of them?!"
I think the funniest example of this is when a very young kid uses a cuss word in public. And you see one parent look at the other and say, "Gee, I wonder where they learned that word..."
Because the truth of the matter is this: We're always on...
Here are just a few of the areas where our kids are watching us:
Our language
Our moods - are we depressed most of the time or do we find joy in life?
The way we treat our spouse
The way we treat others
What we consider appropriate entertainment
How we view the world
The way we treat people who don't look like us
Our habits - both good and bad
Good habits like: Regular exercise, reading books
Bad habits like: Road rage, littering
Our addictions - no matter how we try to hide them
If we really trust in God, or not
If we are trustworthy - if we follow through on what we say
If we procrastinate
If we lie
And the list never ends…
The important piece is this: Understanding that you are on in each of those scenarios.
Your kids are watching you, and learning from you each and every day - whether you want them to be or not.
Starting to see why parenting is such a high calling?
Let's Land the Plane:
This week...we just encourage you to be yourself! To love where you're at in the process of parenting. And to start thinking about the high calling it is by asking yourself the following questions:
Where am I at in each of the responsibility areas:
Physical, Emotional, Educational, Real World, Spiritual?
Is there an area I can focus on this week in order to bump up my parenting game?
What do I think about parenting being a High Calling?
Have I really thought of it in those terms before?
What does it really mean to me?
Are there changes I need to make in order to accept that high calling?
Do I fully understand that I'm always on?
And if so, are there areas where I could be more careful?
Areas where I could choose to model good behavior vs. bad, or just lazy behavior patterns?
Our prayer for you this week is NOT that you listened to this and feel bad about your parenting. But that you've been encouraged by what you heard. That you were able to latch on to one of the simple things mentioned, and feel like you can implement it this week with your kids.
And that you understand we're all on this parenting journey together. None of us have arrived. We're all taking it one day at a time and growing as we go.
Thank you so much for choosing to be with us this morning.
Have a great week, remember you’re always on, and as always, keep Transcending Human!
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