142 | Transcending Thanksgiving
November 28, 2022
Minute of Transparency: Get your turkey on...
What did Thanksgiving look like for you growing up?
Today's Topic: Transcending Thanksgiving
More than just thanks
More than just giving
More like a lifestyle
// 1. MORE THAN JUST THANKS
So I don't think I've done an episode specifically on Thanksgiving - or being thankful in general...
2020: Transcending Personality
2021: Transcending Good
Not sure what I was thinking then - but it obviously wasn't about Thanksgiving - or being thankful...
So this year I decided to the obvious topic.
Not because it's Thanksgiving. But because I actually felt thankful last week - even before Thanksgiving hit.
I talked about it a little on TikTok.
How I had this moment of intense gratefulness.
Mainly for Tammy - and the fact that she has stuck by me all these years.
But also for the life I've been able to live. The people I've met, the places I've lived and visited, and the things I've been able to experience.
So that's the real reason for this episode. It just happens to be Thanksgiving - so it worked out well.
But let's start with the "thanks" part of "Thanksgiving."
This holiday season attempts to manufacture it on some level - right?
It's Thanksgiving - therefore you should be thankful
Like it's that easy...
Like I said - in 2020 and 2021 I don't think I was that thankful!
We were knee deep in COVID, social unrest and political chaos
And for me - it just didn't lend itself to me being very thankful
Now I know - I could have been an optimist - and viewed all of the good things in my life as more important than the negative things - and therefore been thankful
But for some reason it didn't work for me that way...
I got sucked into the reality of the situation - the negativity, and the very real possibility that our society was melting down
And this is why Thanksgiving can't create thankfulness. We have to create it for ourselves.
And this year my eyes were open enough to realize that.
I was able to shut out the noise from the world around me and focus long enough to see how thankful I really should be.
So here is a list of the things I am thankful for this year:
My Creator:
I know. I know. Everyone who wins an award at an award show stands up and thanks God first - and we often poke fun at them on some level
But as long as they're being sincere - it's for good reason
As Christians - we have to admit that the only reason we're on this planet and still breathing is because God exists - and wants nothing more than to be reunited with us someday
I know we get all caught up in the happenings of the world, and in our own little stories we're writing. But at the end of the day - there is only one story that matters. I refer to it as Controversy Theory - and it grounds me when I get a little of track
The other reason I need to thank God - is for your benefit - those who have listened to the podcast for some time now
Because I spent a fair amount of time talking about deconstruction this year
And after a while you may have been tempted to say, "This guy is out - he's giving up on Christianity for sure."
But that isn't the case. Yes - I've struggled a lot with traditional, legalistic religious traditions. I've all but given up on the non-denominational mega church movement. And it's been REALLY hard for me to trust church enough to begin attending again
But none of those things have impacted my belief in My Creator
My faith is as strong today as it was before this whole deconstruction thing started
And I don't intend for that to change
Tammy:
My partner in crime
The one willing to put up with me on this crazy journey through life
I'm thankful that she loved me enough to stick it out during my drinking years
I'm thankful that she calls me out on my crap - because who else will?
I'm thankful for her personality - the adventurous Enneagram 7 to my stick in the mud Enneagram 1
The extrovert to my introvertedness
And the holiday cheer to my bah humbug
She does way more than she gets credit for
And she is always there for her family
Including the laundry list of kids who have come in and out of our home as friends of our kids, or because they needed a place to stay
From the kiddos through Safe Families to the 5 year old we have right now through the Foster System
I love that she loves the way she does
It's in her DNA and I get to watch her in action every day
My Family:
Starting with our three biological kids
I can't thank God enough for letting us play a small part in their stories
Our oldest is graduating from college and looking at Law Schools
Our middle child is in NYC studying Musical Theater
And our youngest is finishing up high school here in Irvine, CA
They are such fun humans to be around
I love the way they love each other
And I love that they love others the way Tammy does
Combined - the three of them have taught me more about the world, about humanity and about inclusivity than I would ever have learned on my own
Extended Family:
I'm so thankful for my parents - and the way they raised me
Yes - some of that was highly religious and legalistic - things I have deconstructed in my own life
But I don't blame them. I don't view their parenting as abusive or inappropriate
They were simply parenting us the way they believed was right given the information they had
In fact, I know that I probably fell into similar behavior with my own kids
I have to be careful NOT to think that I'm the enlightened one
Because if you interview my kids today - they'll tell you a similar story
There were things Tammy and I did that they've deconstructed - things that they had to unlearn
It's the cycle of life
Then there's my brother and sister
Unfortunately we are chips off the old block when it comes to staying connected
We can be in a room together and talk for hours
But then go a year without a phone call
I know - we're still trying to figure out where that came from...
And then there are the In-laws
Tammy's dad and brother and their families
So glad I got to spend so many years with them
Living in CA has made it hard to stay connected - but we make trips back every now and then which helps
Friends:
Tammy has numerous friends
I have a select few
At least in CA
In the 6 years that we've been here I have been pretty closed off to meeting new people
I just go about my business and get stuff done
But Tammy has made a lot of connections - and luckily has pulled me out of the cave from time to time in order for me to meet some really great people
We have a handful that we spend time with and it makes life a little richer
We also have our friends in Indiana - and any time we can spend with them is icing on the cake
Cars:
Which is funny to hear coming out of my mouth
Because I've never been a car guy
I grew up driving my parents cars
And didn't even buy my own until I got married
I had three motorcycles - which must have scratched my itch for speed
But two things happened here in CA:
My wife "forced" my to buy a Jeep - tell story
Tyler purchased a 1992 Mazda Miata - tell story
At one point, when the kids started driving, I bought a Toyota Camry Sport
But just when I was starting to enjoy driving again, it was taken away from me :)
Between the Jeep and the Miata - I came to love cars in a whole new way
The Jeep is a whole thing - a thing you'll never understand unless you own one
The Miata is just fun all together. Watching Tyler take care of it, and dress it up over the holidays. And even helping him at times on little projects
So yes - I'm thankful for the cars in my life
Sports:
I'm sure everyone has their thing
Some people love movies
Other people love music
I love sports - and I'm thankful for the role it has played throughout my life:
For starters - I grew up watching the NHL and NFL with my dad. Great memories - ones I'll never forget
Next - my dad teaching us how to ice skate. At public ice skating facilities, on ponds in Wyoming and even in the back yard on a small ice rink he build from scratch
As a kid I played baseball from the time I could pick up a bat to around 16
In high school I played every sport available
In college I did the same - and supplemented with running and working out
In college and shortly after it was the years of non-traditional sports: Snowboarding, camping, hiking and rock climbing
Later - I convinced a group of guys to get SCUBA certified so we could explore the ocean together
At this time our kids were in travel soccer, hockey and baseball
Rachel was in dance, theater and acting
They continued these pursuits into high school
And just a few weeks ago Tyler hung up the football cleats for the last time
Luckily he still has a season of high school volleyball
But when that's done - it will be all over watching our kids play sports
And throughout life I've kept up with the NHL and NFL as much as possible
So where am I at today? Probably enjoying sports on my couch
I am much more sedentary at this point in my life - however - I still long to explore, climb mountains and be out there
The United States:
Again - It's strange hearing myself say that
After all of the issues we've faced the past few years
The political polarization
The “ReTrumplican Party” and the damage it did to our democracy
But through it all - I can't deny the potential our country has
Yes - we've made mistakes - terrible mistakes
But I think you're going to have that no matter where you go
My parents came from Canada - another country that enjoys freedom, peace and is pretty inclusive
But they're still here - living in the USA
Why? Because it's a great place to live
At this point we have to own the fact that the future of the country is on us
We need to take an active role in making it better
In helping it reach it's full potential
And we can do that in two ways:
By being a good citizen. Living a life that uplifts others and strengthens our communities
By voting. Putting politicians in place who will uphold the Constitution and the freedoms it provides
California:
Not because of the politics
Not because of the standard of living
Not because of the numerous taxes that decrease your earning potential
It's because of the climate. If you know - you know
There is just something amazing about the coastal climate hitting a desert climate
Cold ocean water with fairly warm to hot temperatures
I believe it's called "Sub-tropical"
Temperature range between the high 60s and the low 80s
Just enough rain to keep us honest
Low humidity
Very few bugs
And that's just the start
You can head to the mountains in the morning and go snowboarding, then back to the beach to surf at night. And everything in between
You have LA, San Diego, Palm Springs and all the coastal communities
Vegas is a 4h drive - if you're into that sort of thing
Tammy and I joke that we've been ruined - living anywhere else at this point is going to require concessions
Transcend Human:
And the TH Podcast
This has literally helped me through three very difficult years
It's allowed me to get stuff in my brain out into the world
An outlet for so many things
I'm thankful for the family members who jumped in and did episodes with me
I'm thankful for you - the listeners - and the feedback you provide
And I'm thankful for the future - and all the things this podcast could become in the years ahead
// 2. MORE THAN JUST GIVING
Just as Thanksgiving is more than just "thanks" it's also more than just "giving."
On the actual day of Thanksgiving - we give in various ways:
If you have people over - you're giving of your time and resources
People often serve on or around Thanksgiving. Helping out at a food pantry, or homeless shelter
And then there is direct giving - donations. Tis the season to give. In fact it's become a national event called Giving Tuesday - this year it's on November 29 - which is tomorrow for those of you wondering 🙂
So it's obvious that giving is also part of the Thanksgiving Season.
// 3. MORE LIKE A LIFESTYLE
So we've talked about being "thankful" and we've talked about "giving."
Two things we do during the Thanksgiving Holidays.
But what about the rest of the year?
Now before you get irritated with me - just know that I'm talking to myself.
It's in my nature to sit home and just exist. Which means I'm not really giving back to people, or my community.
So this is for me as much as it is for you.
What I'm wrestling with is the idea of being thankful, and giving back all year long. Rather than saving it all up for Turkey Day.
So what would it look like to step up our thankfulness and our giving this year?
When it comes to being thankful - at least for me - there needs to be a mechanism - a routine of some sort to keep me thinking with that mindset.
I went to a couples conference one time and the speaker suggested we keep a journal of all the positive things our spouse did during the week.
For quite a while I kept this journal up. I would see it in my backpack and it would jog my memory. I would open it and add another line or two with positive things I saw in Tammy.
I feel like it fell through the cracks when COVID hit and I was no longer taking my backpack to work. I probably need to look for that little thing and keep it somewhere I can see it throughout the week...
My guess is that being thankful might require a similar routine. Maybe a journal? Maybe a small book by the bed at night? Maybe a sticky note on your computer that simply says, "Thankful much?"
Or maybe a calendar entry each week that pops up on your phone saying, "Stop and be thankful for 15m."
I need to find something that works for me - and you should find something that works for you.
When it comes to giving, I feel like Tammy and I took a pretty big step in that direction when we decided to become a Resource Family:
It may not be giving financially
But it definitely requires that you give your time and attention to something other than yourself
It's been a journey to be sure. One that Tammy and I talk about in the Transcending Stories Series here on the podcast.
We did our first episode a few weeks ago - and are working on the second one as we speak.
You can check that out if you're interested in Fostering, or if you just want to follow us on the journey.
Now just because Tammy and I are giving back this way doesn't mean we're done. I feel like it's a good start. But there are always things we can do to give back - to serve others - even if small ways.
So what does this look like for you?
Is there something small you could start doing after the traditional giving season is over? Something you can keep up throughout the entire year?
Let's Land the Plane:
First and foremost, I hope you had a great Thanksgiving.
Second, I hope this episode resonates with you on some level.
That you want to be thankful all year long. And that your heart is to be a giving person throughout the year as well.
We're all in this together. So I'll hold you accountable as long as you do the same for me!
Take a few minutes this week to come up with a plan of attack. And let me know if you have a breakthrough that might help others.
I'd love to hear your story and share it with your consent.
Thanks for being here this morning, have a great Holiday Season, and as always - keep Transcending Human!
References:
None today!