140 | Transcending Deconstruction as Recovery

 
 

November 14, 2022

Minute of Transparency: Being sincerely wrong...

Today's Topic: Transcending Deconstruction as Recovery

  1. The Deconstruction Train

  2. The 12 Steps of Deconstruction

  3. Build Your Own Program

// 1. THE DECONSTRUCTION TRAIN 

We recently walked through deconstruction on the podcast. And while I don't want to beat a dead horse...I also view the world through this lens these days.

So when I uncover a new wrinkle, or hear something that helps me understand it better - I just want to share - I want to add to the baseline we created during the "Transcendent Deconstruction Series."

If this is a hot topic in your world - go back and listen to the entire series: https://transcendhuman.com/transcendent-deconstruction

  • There were 5 episodes

  • So you should be able to binge them pretty quickly

Now - for the sake of this episode - I'm only going to summarize the main talking points.

That will lay a solid foundation - and get us moving in the right direction for this topic.

Episode 1: What It Is and What It Ain't

  • Deconstruction is a process that has really become popular

  • People are deconstructing their core beliefs, their political beliefs, cultural beliefs, sex/gender beliefs and even their beliefs in science

  • But the one we spent the most time talking about is faith, religious or spiritual deconstruction

    • Because that's where I believe there is the most movement

    • And also where I feel the biggest impact is being seen

    • Yes - there are people challenging the things their parents taught them, and there are people moving from one political ideologies to another

    • But these are always happening - and they are part of the growth process

    • But when it comes to a person's spiritual beliefs - there is just a lot more at stake

    • Think about it!

    • Does it really matter if my parents taught me that Chevrolet is better than Ford? And at some point I challenge that belief?

      • How is that going to impact my life? Besides me possibly purchasing a Ford - right?

      • Not earth shattering...

    • But when I begin to deconstruct my spiritual beliefs - the sky is the limit!

      • Because our spirituality plays a significant role in making us who we are

      • Those beliefs typically answer the Big 3 Questions for us

      • They determine our view of the future

      • How we interact with culture

      • The way we view the government

      • How we treat other people

      • See what I mean?

      • When we start chipping away at our spiritual beliefs - it can be like pulling Jenga blocks out at the very bottom of the stack

      • At some point the entire structure can collapse

  • And finally - I suggested that within spiritual deconstruction there are two very distinct paths:

    • First, we can deconstruct our religion: The small little things we were taught, or brainwashed to believe by our parents, teachers, and members of the religious tradition we grew up in

    • Second, we can deconstruct our faith: The larger piece of the puzzle - not only questioning the little things - but questioning the existence of God

    • Obviously - these are two very different beasts - with very different levels of impact on our lives

Episode 2: The Indoctrination-Enlightenment-Deconstruction Cycle

  • In this episode we discussed that there is a cycle to the deconstruction process:

    • One that each of us may or may not go through during our lifetimes

    • But also - one that groups of people have repeated throughout history

  • And if the world doesn't end here in our lifetimes - it will most likely be repeated again in the future

  • So what does this cycle look like?

    • Indoctrination: The things were taught growing up

    • Enlightenment: The point in time when our eyes are opened and we begin to challenge those beliefs

    • Deconstruction: The process of throwing some things out and holding on to others

Episode 3: Culture, Politics & Religion

  • In this episode I introduced the concept of Separation of Church & State

  • My belief that this is an important part of our Constitution and our way of life

  • I walked through our dark history - and how religion was often used to coerce, manipulate and even kill those who believed differently

  • And I suggested that we are in a very pivotal moment in our history - because we're on the brink of heading back into the dark

  • For me - this whole process of deconstructing my religion is impacted by the political and religious issues that are heading us in that direction

  • Christian Nationalism, and the push to combine one small groups religious ideation with political power is scary at best

  • Especially when this group openly explains their way as the right way - and that their beliefs should be legislated for all of us

  • This is one of the reasons for my personal deconstruction - pulling away from anything that smells remotely like Christian Nationalism

Episode 4: The Transcendent Future

  • In this episode we walked through the life of a deconstructionist

  • What things led to it, how it feels, how it progresses and the logical conclusion

  • I talked about the real intent behind deconstruction - that people are often mislabeled as looking for a way out - wanting to live a more sinful lifestyle - and the only way to do that is to deconstruct

  • And while people like this probably exist - that's not the stories I have been listening to

  • Most of these stories have this in common - they hit a point in their life where enlightenment led to questioning which led to deconstruction

  • These people were scared, and often nervous as they began the process

  • But to a person - each believed they didn't have a choice - they could do nothing else and still remain true to who they were

  • I talked about this sense of disequilibrium - and how difficult it can be for people

  • We talked about the costs of deconstruction

  • Losing a community that may have been comforting

  • Losing traditions and cultural rituals that brought a level of peace

  • We talked about the grief process and that people literally walk through the Stages of Grief when they deconstruct

  • And I finished up that episode suggesting that we can take deconstruction too far

  • We can throw the baby out with the bath water and give up on God all together

Episode 5: The Stages of Deconstruction

  • In the last episode I tried to paint a picture of a bright future - after deconstruction

  • We discussed the ultimate question - which is whether or not we believe in God

  • We talked about the importance of the Big 3 Questions

    • Where did I come form?

    • Why am I here?

    • Where do I go when we die?

  • And that these questions are ultimately spiritual in nature

  • Along with the other questions I referred to as the Big Rocks:

    • What we do with the Bible

    • How we can believe in the God of the Old Testament

    • Dealing with the Christian view of exclusivity

    • Dealing with science and the suggested incongruence between the two

  • All things that make deconstruction a thing, and also make it hard to complete the journey

  • But the future is still bright

  • We're asking the right questions

  • Assuming God exists - we're wrestling with Him the same way David did in the Psalms, and the way Job did at the very dawn of time

And that's it - our series on deconstruction...how was that for drinking from a firehose?

// 2. THE 12 STEPS OF DECONSTRUCTION

Two weeks ago I did an entire episode on Addiction and Recovery.

It wasn't the easiest episode to record - but was one I felt I had to do.

So my brain has been in that world lately. The world of addiction, recovery, sobriety and even the 12 Steps of AA.

And at some point I had this epiphany.

I took what I'm dealing with when it comes to deconstruction - and overlayed the concept of recovery. And something interesting happened.

As I viewed the two running out in front of me on parallel tracks - they seemed to align at the same time. Especially the 12 Steps of AA.

So I thought I would tease it out in this episode and see what happened.

So here we go - deconstruction through the lens of the 12 Steps of AA:

  1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable

    • Deconstructionist: We came to understand that our world view was not our own - and that we were living a lie

      • The moment of awakening

      • Realizing that the religion we grew up in was limiting at best and abusive at worst

      • That these rigid belief systems were often manipulative, coercive and based on a flawed system that ultimately rewards the white male - and keeps him in power

      • There are hundreds of Christian traditions - each teaching their version of one singular truth - and yet teaching that their version of that truth is the only true version

      • This obviously can't be true. You can't have more than one religious belief system claiming to have absolute truth. And yet they all claim to have it 

      • And as a member of a system like that - there are some who wake up and smell the coffee

  2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity

    • Deconstructionist: We came to believe that we were taught inaccurate things about our Creator - but that He is still the answer

      • This might be the hardest part  of it all

      • When you fully believe that God exists - but also realize that many of the things you were taught could be completely wrong

  3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him

    • Deconstructionist: We made the decision to leave the belief system we were indoctrinated into - and allow our Creator to guide us into a greater understanding of His will

      • Really the essence of deconstruction

      • Giving up the rigid, and suspect beliefs we were taught and being open to the promptings we are feeling

      • Hopefully moving closer and closer to the truth of who God is and what He wants for us  

  4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves

    • Deconstructionist: Made a searching and fearless inventory of our beliefs and our intentions

      • First off - the beliefs

      • Literally making a list - writing it all down - all the things we were taught to believe

      • Then working through each one

      • Running them through our new filter

      • Does this fit with the life Jesus lived and the things He called us to do?

      • And then there are the intentions

      • Our reasons for believing the beliefs for so long

      • Or for those of us who joined a religious sect as an adult - why did we do that?

      • What did we hope to get from it? And were these intentions pure? Or self serving?

  5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs

    • Deconstructionist: Admitted to God and to those around us the questions and doubts we experience

      • For me - this all comes down to transparency

      • As addicts we keep things inside, we lie and we present the truth we want other people to see

      • The truth that allows us to keep using

      • In recovery - we have to let other people in - and become honest about our intentions

      • In deconstruction - the same is true - we can get caught up in our comfortable religious tradition - even when we know that it isn't making sense

      • So we have to become transparent about the questions we have and the doubts about things that seem so obviously wrong

      • Giving up on our fears that the "institution" may not approve

      • Or the anxieties that people may view us a dissenters

      • Believing that our quest for truth is more important than any of the discomfort we may experience

  6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character

    • Deconstructionist: Were entirely ready for God to lead us away from our religion - to a more innocent relationship with Him

      • For me - this step is all about a consistent journey toward our Creator

      • Choosing to lean into the discomfort that comes with change - and working each and every day to uncover new truths 

  7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings

    • Deconstructionist: Humbly asked Him to show us where we were complicit in the inaccuracies of the religion we were part of

      • There are quite a few steps in a row that discuss wrongs, defects and shortcomings

      • So I took the liberty to inject more specific issues related to deconstruction into them

      • And in this case - I associated "shortcomings" with the things we did when we were fully engaged in the religious system

      • Things that helped muddy the waters

      • Things that we stood up for, and supported that we know see as wrong or harmful

      • Knowing that our behavior may have had a negative influence on others we came in contact with 

  8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all

    • Deconstructionist: Made a list of the things we did and the people we harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all

      • This is where things get a little muddy

      • For many of us - deconstructing can simply mean walking away from a system we've come to realize has problems

      • But going back to the previous step - we identified things we did that made us complicit in the very system that was misleading people

      • And if we are able to identify specific people we influenced in a negative way - it would be good for us to reach out and apologize

      • To set the record straight, and explain that our sincerity did not make our behavior appropriate

      • Because we were sincerely wrong - the way I was wrong with my co-worker

  9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others

    • Deconstructionist: Made amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others

      • This is the caveat to the last step

      • We just said it was appropriate to reach out to those we may have hurt, or harmed in some way

      • But there are times when reaching out may not be the best thing

      • There are times when it would cause more harm than good to open that can of worms

      • And in those situations - it is better to leave it alone - instead presenting it to God - and asking that He forgive us and do the work necessary in the other persons life

  10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it

    • Deconstructionist: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it

      • To me this step is all about being open-minded

      • One of the things that actually kept us stuck in the religious system for so long

      • I believe this is one of the main components of deconstruction - the development of a new mindset:

        • First, a willingness to have an open mind - and to be open to new things

        • Second, to hold things loosely - to become open to the fact that we don't know everything, and that there are fewer constants than we once believed

        • Finally, a willingness to be wrong - and being ok with it because we're learning every day

      • All of these abilities help us to be better people, and to be more open to the enlightenment process

  11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out

    • Deconstructionist: Sought through prayer, meditation and study to improve our knowledge of God as we understand Him, and to follow these promptings into a life of service and love for all humans

      • This step is about process - what it looks like to take the deconstruction journey

      • The things we do, the things we read, the prayers and meditation necessary to keep moving forward

      • To keep making progress in the vacuum created by the loss of a religious system telling us what to believe

      • This step also adds the focus on others - the idea that we're all equals (inclusivity) and that serving others is a high value

  12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs

    • Deconstructionist: Having a spiritual awakening that led to our deconstruction, we  live out the things we are learning each day, and are willing to share them with others in need

      • For me - this step suggests what our life looks like moving forward - it's future us

      • Living out a new life based on the things we have learned

      • But also - because of our new focus on inclusivity - being willing to engage others in the process

      • Accepting every person - no matter who they are or what they believe - and helping them as they engage the deconstruction process

So there you have it - the 12 Steps of Deconstruction!

// 3. BUILD YOUR OWN PROGRAM

So I added this section just to have a conversation about the 12 Steps - and the fact that it isn't the end-all be-all in the recovery process.

Let's start with addiction.

I've been clean and sober for over 5 years.

And I haven't stepped foot in a 12 Step Meeting.

Jenna, the woman in recovery I found on TikTok and who now has a podcast called Sobriety Uncensored - has a similar story.

She goes to meeting every once and a while - but has not religiously followed or completed the 12 Step Process.

And then there are people who would be dead without the 12 Steps, and a Sponsor who held their feet to the fire for years.

And there is everyone in between.

Meaning - recovery is a highly individualized thing. People have to find a program that works for them.

And my assumption is that it isn't very different when it comes to the deconstruction process.

We will each be awakened in a different way. We will go through deconstruction in different ways. And we'll all land in different places.

  • Some move to a new religious system

  • Others become agnostic and keep searching for truth

  • And still others go all the way to atheism - choosing to believe that there is no God at all

So in all this chaos - we all need to find the program that works for us.

Some of you may totally resonate with my retelling of the 12 Step Process - and could see yourself literally walking through those steps in your deconstruction journey.

But others may not find that helpful at all. Maybe they found the idea interesting - but at the end of the day they live out a much different process.

The important thing - according to Jenna - is that you have a program. That you think it through and do what works for you.

Let's Land the Plane:

So that's where I'm going to leave things.

Do what works for you.

This week - if you are in the process of deconstruction - I would simply ask you this question:

  • Do you have a program?

  • Have you thought it through enough to know where you're headed?

  • What you are going to do?

  • What you're not going to do?

  • Have you set up guardrails? Boundaries?

  • Have you talked about it with another person?

Good questions to begin with. But only the tip of the iceberg.

It might sound like overkill - but there is nothing wrong with writing it down. Documenting your journey, where you hope to end up and the steps you're going to take to get there.

Thanks for joining us.

Have a great week - and as always - keep Transcending Human!


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