140 | Transcending Deconstruction as Recovery
November 14, 2022
Minute of Transparency: Being sincerely wrong...
Today's Topic: Transcending Deconstruction as Recovery
The Deconstruction Train
The 12 Steps of Deconstruction
Build Your Own Program
// 1. THE DECONSTRUCTION TRAIN
We recently walked through deconstruction on the podcast. And while I don't want to beat a dead horse...I also view the world through this lens these days.
So when I uncover a new wrinkle, or hear something that helps me understand it better - I just want to share - I want to add to the baseline we created during the "Transcendent Deconstruction Series."
If this is a hot topic in your world - go back and listen to the entire series: https://transcendhuman.com/transcendent-deconstruction
There were 5 episodes
So you should be able to binge them pretty quickly
Now - for the sake of this episode - I'm only going to summarize the main talking points.
That will lay a solid foundation - and get us moving in the right direction for this topic.
Episode 1: What It Is and What It Ain't
Deconstruction is a process that has really become popular
People are deconstructing their core beliefs, their political beliefs, cultural beliefs, sex/gender beliefs and even their beliefs in science
But the one we spent the most time talking about is faith, religious or spiritual deconstruction
Because that's where I believe there is the most movement
And also where I feel the biggest impact is being seen
Yes - there are people challenging the things their parents taught them, and there are people moving from one political ideologies to another
But these are always happening - and they are part of the growth process
But when it comes to a person's spiritual beliefs - there is just a lot more at stake
Think about it!
Does it really matter if my parents taught me that Chevrolet is better than Ford? And at some point I challenge that belief?
How is that going to impact my life? Besides me possibly purchasing a Ford - right?
Not earth shattering...
But when I begin to deconstruct my spiritual beliefs - the sky is the limit!
Because our spirituality plays a significant role in making us who we are
Those beliefs typically answer the Big 3 Questions for us
They determine our view of the future
How we interact with culture
The way we view the government
How we treat other people
See what I mean?
When we start chipping away at our spiritual beliefs - it can be like pulling Jenga blocks out at the very bottom of the stack
At some point the entire structure can collapse
And finally - I suggested that within spiritual deconstruction there are two very distinct paths:
First, we can deconstruct our religion: The small little things we were taught, or brainwashed to believe by our parents, teachers, and members of the religious tradition we grew up in
Second, we can deconstruct our faith: The larger piece of the puzzle - not only questioning the little things - but questioning the existence of God
Obviously - these are two very different beasts - with very different levels of impact on our lives
Episode 2: The Indoctrination-Enlightenment-Deconstruction Cycle
In this episode we discussed that there is a cycle to the deconstruction process:
One that each of us may or may not go through during our lifetimes
But also - one that groups of people have repeated throughout history
And if the world doesn't end here in our lifetimes - it will most likely be repeated again in the future
So what does this cycle look like?
Indoctrination: The things were taught growing up
Enlightenment: The point in time when our eyes are opened and we begin to challenge those beliefs
Deconstruction: The process of throwing some things out and holding on to others
Episode 3: Culture, Politics & Religion
In this episode I introduced the concept of Separation of Church & State
My belief that this is an important part of our Constitution and our way of life
I walked through our dark history - and how religion was often used to coerce, manipulate and even kill those who believed differently
And I suggested that we are in a very pivotal moment in our history - because we're on the brink of heading back into the dark
For me - this whole process of deconstructing my religion is impacted by the political and religious issues that are heading us in that direction
Christian Nationalism, and the push to combine one small groups religious ideation with political power is scary at best
Especially when this group openly explains their way as the right way - and that their beliefs should be legislated for all of us
This is one of the reasons for my personal deconstruction - pulling away from anything that smells remotely like Christian Nationalism
Episode 4: The Transcendent Future
In this episode we walked through the life of a deconstructionist
What things led to it, how it feels, how it progresses and the logical conclusion
I talked about the real intent behind deconstruction - that people are often mislabeled as looking for a way out - wanting to live a more sinful lifestyle - and the only way to do that is to deconstruct
And while people like this probably exist - that's not the stories I have been listening to
Most of these stories have this in common - they hit a point in their life where enlightenment led to questioning which led to deconstruction
These people were scared, and often nervous as they began the process
But to a person - each believed they didn't have a choice - they could do nothing else and still remain true to who they were
I talked about this sense of disequilibrium - and how difficult it can be for people
We talked about the costs of deconstruction
Losing a community that may have been comforting
Losing traditions and cultural rituals that brought a level of peace
We talked about the grief process and that people literally walk through the Stages of Grief when they deconstruct
And I finished up that episode suggesting that we can take deconstruction too far
We can throw the baby out with the bath water and give up on God all together
Episode 5: The Stages of Deconstruction
In the last episode I tried to paint a picture of a bright future - after deconstruction
We discussed the ultimate question - which is whether or not we believe in God
We talked about the importance of the Big 3 Questions
Where did I come form?
Why am I here?
Where do I go when we die?
And that these questions are ultimately spiritual in nature
Along with the other questions I referred to as the Big Rocks:
What we do with the Bible
How we can believe in the God of the Old Testament
Dealing with the Christian view of exclusivity
Dealing with science and the suggested incongruence between the two
All things that make deconstruction a thing, and also make it hard to complete the journey
But the future is still bright
We're asking the right questions
Assuming God exists - we're wrestling with Him the same way David did in the Psalms, and the way Job did at the very dawn of time
And that's it - our series on deconstruction...how was that for drinking from a firehose?
// 2. THE 12 STEPS OF DECONSTRUCTION
Two weeks ago I did an entire episode on Addiction and Recovery.
It wasn't the easiest episode to record - but was one I felt I had to do.
So my brain has been in that world lately. The world of addiction, recovery, sobriety and even the 12 Steps of AA.
And at some point I had this epiphany.
I took what I'm dealing with when it comes to deconstruction - and overlayed the concept of recovery. And something interesting happened.
As I viewed the two running out in front of me on parallel tracks - they seemed to align at the same time. Especially the 12 Steps of AA.
So I thought I would tease it out in this episode and see what happened.
So here we go - deconstruction through the lens of the 12 Steps of AA:
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable
Deconstructionist: We came to understand that our world view was not our own - and that we were living a lie
The moment of awakening
Realizing that the religion we grew up in was limiting at best and abusive at worst
That these rigid belief systems were often manipulative, coercive and based on a flawed system that ultimately rewards the white male - and keeps him in power
There are hundreds of Christian traditions - each teaching their version of one singular truth - and yet teaching that their version of that truth is the only true version
This obviously can't be true. You can't have more than one religious belief system claiming to have absolute truth. And yet they all claim to have it
And as a member of a system like that - there are some who wake up and smell the coffee
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity
Deconstructionist: We came to believe that we were taught inaccurate things about our Creator - but that He is still the answer
This might be the hardest part of it all
When you fully believe that God exists - but also realize that many of the things you were taught could be completely wrong
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him
Deconstructionist: We made the decision to leave the belief system we were indoctrinated into - and allow our Creator to guide us into a greater understanding of His will
Really the essence of deconstruction
Giving up the rigid, and suspect beliefs we were taught and being open to the promptings we are feeling
Hopefully moving closer and closer to the truth of who God is and what He wants for us
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves
Deconstructionist: Made a searching and fearless inventory of our beliefs and our intentions
First off - the beliefs
Literally making a list - writing it all down - all the things we were taught to believe
Then working through each one
Running them through our new filter
Does this fit with the life Jesus lived and the things He called us to do?
And then there are the intentions
Our reasons for believing the beliefs for so long
Or for those of us who joined a religious sect as an adult - why did we do that?
What did we hope to get from it? And were these intentions pure? Or self serving?
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs
Deconstructionist: Admitted to God and to those around us the questions and doubts we experience
For me - this all comes down to transparency
As addicts we keep things inside, we lie and we present the truth we want other people to see
The truth that allows us to keep using
In recovery - we have to let other people in - and become honest about our intentions
In deconstruction - the same is true - we can get caught up in our comfortable religious tradition - even when we know that it isn't making sense
So we have to become transparent about the questions we have and the doubts about things that seem so obviously wrong
Giving up on our fears that the "institution" may not approve
Or the anxieties that people may view us a dissenters
Believing that our quest for truth is more important than any of the discomfort we may experience
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character
Deconstructionist: Were entirely ready for God to lead us away from our religion - to a more innocent relationship with Him
For me - this step is all about a consistent journey toward our Creator
Choosing to lean into the discomfort that comes with change - and working each and every day to uncover new truths
Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings
Deconstructionist: Humbly asked Him to show us where we were complicit in the inaccuracies of the religion we were part of
There are quite a few steps in a row that discuss wrongs, defects and shortcomings
So I took the liberty to inject more specific issues related to deconstruction into them
And in this case - I associated "shortcomings" with the things we did when we were fully engaged in the religious system
Things that helped muddy the waters
Things that we stood up for, and supported that we know see as wrong or harmful
Knowing that our behavior may have had a negative influence on others we came in contact with
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all
Deconstructionist: Made a list of the things we did and the people we harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all
This is where things get a little muddy
For many of us - deconstructing can simply mean walking away from a system we've come to realize has problems
But going back to the previous step - we identified things we did that made us complicit in the very system that was misleading people
And if we are able to identify specific people we influenced in a negative way - it would be good for us to reach out and apologize
To set the record straight, and explain that our sincerity did not make our behavior appropriate
Because we were sincerely wrong - the way I was wrong with my co-worker
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others
Deconstructionist: Made amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others
This is the caveat to the last step
We just said it was appropriate to reach out to those we may have hurt, or harmed in some way
But there are times when reaching out may not be the best thing
There are times when it would cause more harm than good to open that can of worms
And in those situations - it is better to leave it alone - instead presenting it to God - and asking that He forgive us and do the work necessary in the other persons life
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it
Deconstructionist: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it
To me this step is all about being open-minded
One of the things that actually kept us stuck in the religious system for so long
I believe this is one of the main components of deconstruction - the development of a new mindset:
First, a willingness to have an open mind - and to be open to new things
Second, to hold things loosely - to become open to the fact that we don't know everything, and that there are fewer constants than we once believed
Finally, a willingness to be wrong - and being ok with it because we're learning every day
All of these abilities help us to be better people, and to be more open to the enlightenment process
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out
Deconstructionist: Sought through prayer, meditation and study to improve our knowledge of God as we understand Him, and to follow these promptings into a life of service and love for all humans
This step is about process - what it looks like to take the deconstruction journey
The things we do, the things we read, the prayers and meditation necessary to keep moving forward
To keep making progress in the vacuum created by the loss of a religious system telling us what to believe
This step also adds the focus on others - the idea that we're all equals (inclusivity) and that serving others is a high value
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs
Deconstructionist: Having a spiritual awakening that led to our deconstruction, we live out the things we are learning each day, and are willing to share them with others in need
For me - this step suggests what our life looks like moving forward - it's future us
Living out a new life based on the things we have learned
But also - because of our new focus on inclusivity - being willing to engage others in the process
Accepting every person - no matter who they are or what they believe - and helping them as they engage the deconstruction process
So there you have it - the 12 Steps of Deconstruction!
// 3. BUILD YOUR OWN PROGRAM
So I added this section just to have a conversation about the 12 Steps - and the fact that it isn't the end-all be-all in the recovery process.
Let's start with addiction.
I've been clean and sober for over 5 years.
And I haven't stepped foot in a 12 Step Meeting.
Jenna, the woman in recovery I found on TikTok and who now has a podcast called Sobriety Uncensored - has a similar story.
She goes to meeting every once and a while - but has not religiously followed or completed the 12 Step Process.
And then there are people who would be dead without the 12 Steps, and a Sponsor who held their feet to the fire for years.
And there is everyone in between.
Meaning - recovery is a highly individualized thing. People have to find a program that works for them.
And my assumption is that it isn't very different when it comes to the deconstruction process.
We will each be awakened in a different way. We will go through deconstruction in different ways. And we'll all land in different places.
Some move to a new religious system
Others become agnostic and keep searching for truth
And still others go all the way to atheism - choosing to believe that there is no God at all
So in all this chaos - we all need to find the program that works for us.
Some of you may totally resonate with my retelling of the 12 Step Process - and could see yourself literally walking through those steps in your deconstruction journey.
But others may not find that helpful at all. Maybe they found the idea interesting - but at the end of the day they live out a much different process.
The important thing - according to Jenna - is that you have a program. That you think it through and do what works for you.
Let's Land the Plane:
So that's where I'm going to leave things.
Do what works for you.
This week - if you are in the process of deconstruction - I would simply ask you this question:
Do you have a program?
Have you thought it through enough to know where you're headed?
What you are going to do?
What you're not going to do?
Have you set up guardrails? Boundaries?
Have you talked about it with another person?
Good questions to begin with. But only the tip of the iceberg.
It might sound like overkill - but there is nothing wrong with writing it down. Documenting your journey, where you hope to end up and the steps you're going to take to get there.
Thanks for joining us.
Have a great week - and as always - keep Transcending Human!