Date: April 18, 2022

Minute of Transparency: When lazy got the best of me...

Today's Topic: Transcending Inactivity

1. Inactivity x 3

2. What's next?

3. How do I get there?

// 1. INACTIVITY x 3

I'm not going to spend a bunch of time defining the word "inactive." Let's just agree it's the opposite of being active - since we all know what that means...

But what I do want to spend some time on is what Inactivity looks like from from three different perspectives:

• Physical Inactivity

• Emotional Inactivity

• Spiritual Inactivity

Physical Inactivity:

• I think this is where we get the term "lazy" from

• When we choose NOT to be physically active

• To be fair though - it's not a 1 for 1

• If Albert Einstein wasn't physically active - would we have called him lazy?

  • I mean...if nothing else - his brain certainly did it's share of exercise

• So no - we can't call a person lazy just because they aren't physically active...

• But at the same time, the correlation is there

• I mean, in the Minute of Transparency didn't I refer to myself as "lazy" when I stopped being physically active

• Maybe because looking back - I felt like it was a form of laziness

• I had a lot going on - but I wasn't doing much to keep myself fit, strong or healthy

• And that inactivity, or stagnation led to a weak core - which led to a fragile back

• Or at least that was the doctor's diagnosis...

• Basically - he said I sat at a desk too much and was sitting incorrectly on soft chairs and couches...

So I can see the benefit from being active. A while back I started running three times a week - then that turned into walking three times a week. And now I'm back to being "lazy" again. I blame it on the cold mornings we've had for the past few months - but I'm sure that isn't the only thing.

Time to get back into a minimal exercise routine...

Emotional Inactivity:

• So interesting question...

• What does it mean to be "emotionally inactive"

• Well, let's try on a few things:

  • We could say we're emotionally unavailable (closed off - not willing to feel anything)

  • Or maybe we struggle to feel the right emotion at the right time (sad when the average person would be happy)

  • Or maybe we're stuck in a certain emotion all the time (sad, angry, anxious, etc.)

  • All of these can be clumped into what we call mental health problems

• And that's what I really mean by being "emotionally inactive"

• It's living life without fully feeling it

• Being checked out on some level

• Or struggling deal with the emotions we're experiencing

• Or, in my case possibly numbing my discomfort - my negative emotions - with a substance

  • For me - alcohol was the quick fix for a lot of things

  • And looking back I have to assume there was an emotional element to it:

    • There's a good chance I was angry about things like:

      • My back going out on me

      • Having high cholesterol despite living the bulk of my life eating well and exercising in order to be healthy

    • Then maybe there was a level of depression around things like:

      • Not living up to my own expectations

      • Not living according to my conscience - behaving in ways that went against my morals or values

      • Not making enough money for my family

    • And then there may have been an existential component:

      • Something I'm going to refer to as "Not heeding the call"

      • This nagging in my soul

      • The feeling that I wasn't doing what I was created to do

      • A feeling that I was supposed to start writing - or keep writing...

      • I'd written an entire manuscript - then put it on a shelf - not seeing it through

      • So maybe that was part of it...

• At any rate - I learned two very important things during that time of my life:

  1. Alcohol was a crutch I used to mask my Emotional Inactivity

  2. But the unfortunate side effect was a whole lot more Emotional Inactivity

• Like I said in the Minute of Transparency:

  • On the outside - it looked like I was active - right?

  • Working everyday, coaching the kids, going on vacations, tending the yard, keeping the house from falling apart

  • But on some level I wasn't active at all

  • I was just going through the motions - living in a tunnel of routine but getting nowhere

• This "emotionally inactivity" looked like:

  • Me not dealing with my stuff - living in fog instead

  • My wife not getting all of me - and wondering how bad things were going to get

  • My kids not getting the dad they deserved

And finally: Spiritual Inactivity:

• This one's a bit easier to explain than emotional inactivity

• Simply put - spiritual inactivity is choosing not to be spiritual

• Or neglecting it along the way

• Just like physical inactivity is choosing not to exercise

• We're all spiritual beings whether we want to admit it or not:

  • Rob Bell puts on conferences called "Everything is Spiritual" for a reason

• And we've talked about this before on the podcast:

  • In Controversy Theory we did an episode called: To Be Human Is to Worship

  • A few weeks ago in the episode called: Transcending Meaning we talked about the "God Shaped Hole"

• But no matter how you describe it - we are spiritual beings:

  • If you believe we were created - you almost have to believe in this spiritual connection

  • There is something deep inside each of us - longing to know the Creator

  • Need an illustration?

    • How about this one:

      • An adopted girl spends her adult life searching for her birth mother

      • Why?

      • She had a great childhood - her adoptive family was incredible - and showed her love

      • But still - there is a connection that was broken - a connection she longs to find and understand

  • And so it is with God:

    • The spiritual connection is there in all of us

    • But it's up to us if we seek it out or not

• Spiritual inactivity looks like:

  • Choosing not to engage with this desire

  • Living oblivious to it

  • Allowing it to fade off into the distance because we're too busy

  • Not engaging in activities that would strengthen the connection to our Creator

  • Engaging in activities that make it harder to hear Him calling

So there you have it - Inactivity in three different colors.

The way I described them suggest they're completely separate:

• That you could be active in one, and inactive in the other two

• Or active in two and inactive in the other one

And maybe this is true.

But in my life I find that these three are interconnected in some strange way.

And that inactivity in one or more of them actually impacts all three.

Simply put: My physical inactivity led to drinking - which enhanced my emotional inactivity - which in turn amplified my spiritual inactivity.

Have you found that in your life? That there are pieces of you that are connected? And pulling one of them in one direction tugs on the others?

For me - this has become very clear. 

// 2. WHAT'S NEXT?

The next two sections are the main reason I recorded this episode.

It was fun talking about Inactivity. But this is the phrase I kept saying to myself over the past few weeks:

What's next? And how do I get there?

So let's start with What's next?

Have you asked yourself that before? A few times? Numerous times?

• Perhaps at the end of a phase of life?

  • When you moved from middle school to high school?

  • When you graduated from high school?

  • Or college?

• When you quit a job? Or were let go from a job?

• When a relationship ended?

• When a loved one passed away?

All times when you may have asked yourself What's next?

And when you asked yourself this question - what were you looking for?

• For me - these life transitions typically included uncertainty and discomfort

• So for me - I needed to answer What's next? so I could return to center

• So I would have a destination - something I was working toward

• And in this came comfort, security and a sense of peace

My assumption is that most of us feel this way during times of transition - some just more deeply than others.

But what if you aren't going through a time of transition?

What if you're knee deep in Inactivity - and that's the reason you're asking What's next?

This was my mindset when I kept asking, What's next? And how do I get there? 

It was coming less from a place of transition and uncertainty - and more from a place of stagnation. Inactivity that started to demand answers.

Are you tracking now? Have you asked What's next? recently for this reason? Because you're stuck in a rut of Inactivity and you know there has to be more?

There has to be something next, something new, something bigger and better?

If so - you're in good company.

But before we identify what that is - I want you to hear me say this:

I need you to hear that - because episodes like this can suggest we're not enough - that we have to keep bettering ourselves in order to find our value.

But that's not true. It's a lie that we fall for far too often. The truth is this:

• We don't Transcend Human in order to find our value

• We have value, come to believe it, and then Transcend Human because we can't help ourselves:

  • We feel indebted to the universe because of this value we have

  • We want to give back

  • We want to pay it forward

  • So that others will see the same, and do the same

  • In essence it is the circle of life - working to make the world a better place

Okay - back to What's next?

I obviously can't answer this for each of you - because What's next? for me may not be What's next? for you...

Each of us has our own next thing. And we must figure it out for ourselves.

In a recent episode called "Transcending 2022" I asked you to think of it this way:

1. Ask better questions

2. Find your vibe

3. Stretch yourself

This is really what we're doing today - we're asking questions of ourselves in order to determine the vibe we want to have in the future. And then we're stretching ourselves by identifying What's next? for us?

To start you on this process I suggest we take another look at the Inactivity categories we walked through already:

• Physical

• Emotional

• Spiritual

Because our What's next? might be:

• Physical:

  • A new job

  • A new hobby

  • A new habit

  • A new exercise routine

  • A new relationship

  • Or maybe it's the reverse:

    • Quitting a job

    • Quitting a hobby

    • Quitting an addiction

    • Quitting an exercise routine that was being done for the wrong reasons

    • Quitting a relationship

• Emotional:

  • Choosing to think differently

  • Choosing to stop thinking so little - or thinking irrationally

  • Choosing to be more relational

  • Choosing to be more honest or transparent with people close to you

  • Setting better boundaries

  • Standing up for yourself

• Spiritual:

  • Choose to lean into your spiritual side

  • Listen to your conscience

  • Add spiritual disciplines into your life

  • Stop avoiding your spiritual side

  • Stop putting up barriers to growth in this area

  • Find a more spiritual friend group

  • Choose not to be around unhealthy people as often - especially if they are part of the problem - and keep you from growing

Now these aren't fully fleshed out lists - just ideas to get us thinking in that direction.

Hopefully a few of them piqued your interest and gave you ideas on what your What's next? could be.

// 3. HOW DO I GET THERE?

Okay - back to the phrase of the day...

What's next? And how do I get there?

We spent time identifying our What's next?

But once we have one or two - how do we proceed?

How do we get from where we are - to where we want to be?

Today I'm just going to offer two suggestions:

1. Make it a habit

2. Be accountable

Make it a habit:

• I think we've all heard that it takes 21 days, or doing something 21 times in order for it to become a habit

• But things have changed a little since we heard that

• Kinda the way CPR changes every year or two - right?

  • Is it 15 compressions and 1 breath?

  • Or 30 compressions and 2 breaths?

• So it is with habit formation:

  • The new wisdom suggests that 21 days might be ok for small things - but larger habits - ones that require a major life change may require longer

• According to an article on CapeSpace.com

  • We should really follow the 21/90 Rule

    • Doing the new thing for 21 straight days

    • Then - once you've created the habit - continue it for 90 days

    • It's really the 90 days that solidifies it in our brains neuro-pathways

• So if this is true:

  • Take your What's next? and create a schedule

  • Let's use exercise as an example because it's an easy one:

    • Put it on the calendar

    • 6a every morning - walk around the neighborhood

    • -or-

    • 4 days a week @ 9p Go to the gym

    • Whatever it is - do that for the next 3 weeks (21 days)

    • Then keep that up for the next 3 months (90 days)

  • One more - let's say your What's next? is emotional:

    • You want to stop being Inactive emotionally

    • And to do this you're going to put yourself out there and be more social and transparent

    • Again - it might help to add it to the calendar

    • Set up lunch with a close friend - maybe once a week

    • Or possibly rotate through friends and family members in order to set up lunch dates once or twice a week

    • Next - decide you're going to reach out to at least one person a day in person, over the phone or by text to ask about them and tell them how you're doing

      • Not just how you want them to think you're doing

      • But how you're actually doing - even if you aren't feeling 100%

    • Again - add these things to your routine for three weeks

    • Then keep doing it for the next 3 months

• And hopefully new habits will be formed!

Next, Be accountable:

• One of the best ways to keep from doing something, to procrastinate or to kill something off is to keep it hidden from everyone

• For example - if you've told yourself you need to start going to the gym - and nobody but you knows you told yourself that - you've given yourself an easy out

• You've made it very easy to say things like:

  • "I don't feel like it this week - maybe next week."

  • "I walked up the stairs today - I think that counts."

  • Or my favorite: "I moved the spoon from my bowl to my mouth so many times today - I can't imagine I need to go to the gym now."

• Right?!

• So easy to play these dumb games with ourselves when we're the only one responsible

• But what happens when we open ourselves up and tell another person?

• In doing this we create what's called accountability - and it comes in two different flavors:

  • Random Accountability:

    • This is the most basic form

    • And it simply requires you to tell another person what you're up to

    • This is a good step - but not one you can fully count on

    • So for example - I randomly tell a friend, "Ya - so I've been thinking about going to the gym more often."

    • They respond, "That's great! I love that you have that motivation."

    • Now - the friend may never bring it up again - this is not helpful

    • Or - maybe you run into the friend a couple weeks later and the friend says, "Hey! I've been thinking about you - how's the gym thing going?"

    • Now that is helpful - because you realize the other person knows what you're trying to do - and they may randomly check to see if you're doing it

  • Intentional Accountability:

    • Obviously - this one is a bit more rigorous

    • It not only requires you to tell another person - but it requires you to come to an agreement with that person

    • An agreement where the friend checks up on you on a regular basis for this specific reason

    • Or - an agreement where the friend is willing to do that thing with you

    • So using the gym example - maybe you and a friend decide to go together

    • 3-5x a week you meet at the gym, work out and hold each other accountable in the process

So there you go - some ideas on finding What's next? And how to get there?

Let's Land the Plane:

This week ask yourself these questions:

1. Where do I struggle with Inactivity?

   • Physical Inactivity?

   • Emotional Inactivity?

   • Spiritual Activity?

2. What's next for me?

   • Something in one of the areas above?

3. How do I get there?

   • What new habit could you form - starting this week?

   • And is there someone who would keep you accountable to your new habit?

That's it for this week friends!

Thank you so much for joining us on the journey.

Next week we're going to look at the Human Condition in all its glory - in a second installation of Transcending the Struggle.

Until then, have a great week, start your What's next? and and keep Transcending Human!

References:

• https://transcendhuman.com/podcast/2020/5/ct05-ba04-to-be-human-is-to-worship

• https://transcendhuman.com/podcast/2022/03/108-transcending-meaning

• https://transcendhuman.com/podcast/2022/03/107-transcending-2022 

• https://capespace.com/how-the-21-90-rule-helps-you-build-good-habits-and-a-better-life/