093 | Transcending the LDR (Guest: Tammy McMullen)

Transcend HumanConversations with Family
Written By Daryl McMullen
 
 

Date: December 13, 2021

Welcome back to short series we're doing in December called: Conversations with Family

Last week I got the privilege of interviewing our oldest daughter Allie about a topic she's passionate about. Climate change, global warming and all things environment.

And this week I get to chat with my wife!

Welcome back to the podcast...I told you it wouldn't be long until you were back in the hot seat 🙂

No Minute of Transparency today as the entire episode is going to be pretty transparent...

Today's Topic: Transcending the LDR (Long Distance Relationship)

So here's what I was thinking...

I found some interesting content that I thought could help guide our conversation.

It's a website called Psych2Go.net - and they do animated YouTube videos explaining a variety of psychology based concepts.

So the three that fit for our conversation are:

  • 7 Stages of a LDR (75% of college students will be in LDRs)

    1. Decision

    2. Parting

    3. Transition (denial, lots of contact)

    4. Realization (sadness, depression)

    5. Jealousy (Social media a big issue...most common negative emotion)

    6. Doubt (Relational uncertainty, grows based on the amount of time)

    7. Validation (If the relationship doesn't end in stage 6 - couples return to this stage to validate the plan)

  • 5 Signs a LDR is Right for You:

    1. Not afraid of the future (Confidence in the partner)

    2. Trust (Honesty, Communication and Understanding)

    3. Similar goals (Similar expectations regarding the future) 

    4. You and your partner are committed (Agree on compromise)

    5. Your relationship is a priority (Respect each other, remember details and like being with each other)

  • 5 Signs a LDR is NOT Right for You:

    1. You rely on physical intimacy to feel close to your partner

    2. You're already facing communication problems

    3. You haven't had difficult conversations yet (Marriage, children, etc.)

    4. You get jealous easily

    5. You're already having second thoughts about your partner

The Conversation:

  • Watching other people try the LDR thing:

    • My parents did it twice - once on the way to WY and once moving back to IL

    • No idea if it was good or bad - but due to the fact that they separated and almost divorced - it may not have been as positive as they let on

    • Allie is also involved in a Long Distance Relationship - boyfriend is in the Navy

  • Pre-marriage LDRs?

  • Our Story:

    • Reason

    • Length of time

    • How it worked

  • The good, the bad and the ugly...

    • Did anything good come from it?

    • What was the bad like?

      • Communication?

      • Expectations?

      • Growing apart?

      • Learning to live alone? Do everything by yourself?

      • Teach yourself new things - things the other person did?

    • Impact on the kids?

  • What was it like when we came back together?

    • Daryl immediately flew to Utah...

    • But aside from that...

      • Right back to normal?

      • If not - how long did it take?

      • Did we talk through it? Probably not in detail and not enough?

  • Was damage done?

    • Is it fully mended?

    • Still residual effects?

  • Recommendations:

    • If someone is thinking about doing the same thing

      • Is there a way to do it well?

      • See the lists above

Landing the Plane:

If you are going through a LDR - or contemplating one - do some research. Learn about the down side and how to avoid it.

Next week, Tyler joins me to talk about the move from IN to CA - and the impact it had on his life, and his mental health over the past 5 years.

Until then, manage your distance, and as always, keep Transcending Human!

Daryl McMullen
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094 | Transcending Life Change (Guest: Tyler McMullen)
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092 | Transcending Complacency (Guest: Allie McMullen)