Date: November 15, 2021

Minute of Transparency: What just happened?!

Today's Topic: Transcending Flammable Situations

In this episode:

1. Shit happens...

2. But for everything else...

3. Lower the temperature...

// 1. SHIT HAPPENS...

First - let me apologize for the profanity. This is a family show so I try really hard not to use words like that. But in this case I have to make an exception.

Because at this point most people have heard the phrase.

And my guess is, kids who haven't heard words like this won't be listening to this podcast...

So back to my point. Shit happens...

Now I won't belabor the point. But here's what it means:

According to Merriam Webster:

• "used to say that bad things happen as part of life and cannot be prevented"

According to Wikipedia:

• "it is a common vulgar slang phrase that is used as a simple existential observation that life is full of unpredictable events

• Similar to "Así es la vida" or "C'est la vie"

• The phrase is an acknowledgment that bad things happen to people seemingly for no particular reason

• The phrase was first observed in 1964, but wasn't used in a print publication until 1983

So the meaning is clear:

• It's another version of Murphy's Law

• Bad things seem to happen for no particular reason

• Bad things are a part of life

• Bad things cannot be prevented from happening

So this is where I want to start - by acknowledging that we are not in control.

We can't do all the right things - say all the right things - be in all the right places - etc.

At some point - even with our best efforts - something bad is going to happen.

It's a part of life - part of the Human Condition.

Now the title of this episode is Transcending Flammable Situations

And what I'm trying to do is connect the word "flammable" with these bad things, or negative things that we experience in life.

I'm referring to them as "flammable" for two reasons:

1. Because fire is dangerous and can burn you - therefore bad

2. But also because we have some level of control over whether or not something is flammable:

   • For example - if you soak your shirt in gasoline and go stand next to a camp fire - you increasing the likelihood that your shirt goes up in flames - along with you

   • But if you soak the shirt in water - and go stand next to a camp fire - it is very unlikely that you and your shirt will go up in flames

This will be important as we move through the episode...

So let's talk for a few minutes about the flammable stuff - the bad stuff that happens from time to time.

Back when we walked through Controversy Theory together - we did a deep dive into what the Human Condition is - and how it impacts us.

On the one hand there is a good side to the Human Condition right?

• We have good days

• We have good experiences

• We have good interactions with others

• There is the beauty of nature

• We experience love, joy, peace, happiness

• All good things right?

But we also talked about the negative side of the Human Condition - in particular:

• Human Nature

• Human Suffering

• Human Disturbance

All things we experience on some level:

• And there are varying levels of control we have in each area

But when we say "Shit happens..." we're really focusing on the things we have absolutely no control over.

So let's try and clump those things into categories - maybe something like this:

1. Satan's Influence

2. The impact of the Sin Virus

3. Our Failing Environment

Let's start with Satan's influence:

• We've talked before about Satan's Game Plan - which is revenge

• That he wants nothing more than to ruin us

• Either by killing us outright, or by making sure we don't choose God over him

• Thereby keeping us from accepting God's free gift of eternal life

• So if you think about it that way - some of the bad things that happen to us are a direct result of Satan's anger

• And his desire for revenge

• Story of Job

Next, let's talk about the impact of the Sin Virus:

• Outside of Satan's direct efforts - the Sin Virus has a ripple effect that will never end

• Satan introduced it to us at the beginning - and we fell for it

• Ever since then the Sin Virus has been influencing people to do bad things - and to give in to our base human nature

• Because of this - people do bad things and sometimes those bad things impact us

• The best example is a drunk driver hitting a random car on the freeway

• The drunk driver is engaging in behavior that is consistent with the Sin Virus

  • Selfish behavior that does not take into consideration the impact on others

• The driver getting hit did nothing wrong

• Their behavior had little to no effect on the crash happening

• They were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time

• Situations like these are terrible - and very hard for people to make sense of

• Because they seem so senseless - so random - so out of the blue

• It's the Sin Virus' impact on the world - the impact we have no control over

And finally, Our Failing Environment:

• This should be obvious

• The Earth was at one time perfect - it's hard to imagine what that means - or what that would look like

• I know I have 1000 questions - things like:

  • If nothing died - what happened when you picked a flower?

  • If life was perfect - was there dust? Dirt? Could you get grass stains if you slid on the grass?

  • What did animals and fish eat if they didn't eat each other? Think of all the carnivores in the world today - what did they eat?

• But I digress...

• This obviously isn't our scenario today

• The Sin Virus has impacted the Earth the same way it impacts us

• Instead of it being perfect, sustainable and eternal - it is now tainted, and unsustainable - spiraling toward an eventual end

• And we see the direct result of this:

  • Global warming

  • Climate change

  • Fires

  • Hurricanes

  • Tornados

  • Flooding

  • Earthquakes

  • And all of these are increasing - both in frequency, but also in intensity

• Because of this - more and more people are being impacted in a negative way by the environment itself

• We are experiencing bad things because the world is falling apart around us

• And here's the rub: It doesn't matter what side of the "Global Warming" or "Climate Change" debate you're on!

• At the end of the day if you're displaced by a hurricane, or a flood or a fire - you're still displaced - no matter what you believe!

// 2. BUT FOR EVERYTHING ELSE...

So back to our mantra for today: Shit happens...but for everything else...lower the temperature...

So what do I mean by "everything else..."

Well, simply put - everything else includes the things we do have control over.

Since the first section was about things that happen to us - things we often don't see coming. This section is about bad things that happen to us - and we actually did have some level of control over it.

• Maybe it's something we did that caused the bad thing to happen

• Maybe it's something we chose not to do that caused the bad thing to happen

Whatever the case - we can look back and see a direct correlation between our behavior or our thinking and the negative outcome.

• Now this happens a lot - but that doesn't mean we recognize it

• It doesn't mean all of us are good at looking back and making the connection

• Connecting the dots between our choices and the negative thing that happened to us - or the difficulties we face in life

• This is a higher level of thinking - not just reacting to stimuli - but the ability to do a root cause analysis

• An objective one - where you're willing to admit the part you played in the outcome

So let's get practical - what do some of these "everything else" scenarios look like? See if some of these sound familiar:

• I chose to drink, then drive - now my license has been suspended

• I choose to think the worst about everyone - and I'm having a hard time dating someone who will stick around

• I decided unprotected sex wasn't a very big deal - now we're pregnant and we haven't graduated from high school yet

• I choose to get into arguments with people at the club - and one of these turned into a fight where I ended up spending the night in jail

• I always put friends before school work - and it looks like my failing grades are going to get me kicked out of college

• I always need to be right - and I wonder why I have very few friends

• etc. etc. etc.

See the correlation between all of these situations? We play a role in each scenario. It's our thinking, or behaving that almost makes the negative outcome inevitable.

Okay - one more: I chose to pretend I was a Ninja, and walked around with a weapon in my hand - which led to a dangerous situation where someone felt they were in danger - and wanted to harm me in return.

Sound familiar?

So what do we do about it? How can we choose good behavior and think in such a way as to decrease the likelihood that bad things will happen to us?

// 3. LOWER THE TEMPERATURE...    

So back to our mantra: Shit happens...but for everything else...lower the temperature...

So what do I mean by "lower the temperature?"

Well - there is a direct application, and an implied application:

• Direct Application:

  • Seen in our relationships with others

  • Or the way we put ourselves out there in the world

  • The temperature is the vibe we're putting out

  • The way we interact with others, and the way we interact with the world

    • If the temperature is hot: We're putting stuff out there that is inflammatory, caustic, capable of starting fires that may not be easy to put out. It's creating drama and conflict with those around us. And it's putting things out into the universe that cause division, bitterness and anger

    • If the temperature is cold: It's too far the other direction. You've checked out of life. You don't voice your opinion one way or the other. You may stay out of conflict, but at the same time we do nothing - and are a help to nobody

    • Then there is your average body temperature: We'll call this normal, or average. It's having the ability to stand up for yourself, to stand up for others or to stand up for causes you believe in. But at the same time - doing it in a non-threatening way. Choosing not to throw gasoline on a roaring fire

  • So let's look at two scenarios:

    • Road rage: Very common right? A driver does something wrong and you feel the need to let them know how wrong it was:

      • At a minimum they may flip you off and keep driving

      • Worst case scenario they pull out a gun and shoot at you. This just happened this year in California - and a 6 year old boy was killed

    • Religious or Political Conversations: Also very common - and quickly becoming a lightning rod for heated debates and polarization

      • At a minimum these conversations or debates could cause problems in your relationships

      • Middle of the road scenario - relationships are lost, families split apart over their differences 

      • Worst case scenario - things like the riots at the Capitol building - where lives were lost

• Implied Application:

  • So the same thing is true in other scenarios that may not include another person directly

  • And it may not be things you're putting out into the world to raise the temperature

  • These are things we choose to do - things that if we really thought through them - we might decide differently

  • These are ways of thinking - that looking back we realize got us into trouble

  • And in essence - by following through with these ways of thinking and behaving - we were raising the temperature in our own lives

    • Increasing our anger

    • Increasing levels of stress or anxiety

    • Increasing the severity of an addiction

    • Increasing the likelihood of failure with a job, or an opportunity

    • Sabotaging our own success by raising the temperature on things that shouldn't even exist

  • So let's look at just two examples of this:

    • I mentioned Addiction:

      • It shouldn't be hard to see that an addiction adds a high level of heat to your life

      • Just a basic life with it's challenges can be difficult

      • But now, try to navigate that life with an addiction - and the temperature skyrockets

      • Playing the game with those around you

      • Pretending to be ok, hiding your use from those you love and trying to remain functional the whole time

      • It's a temperature level that can't be sustained forever - eventually it burns you

    • I also mentioned Self Sabotaging behavior:

      • A good example of this is a fear of success

      • Having it somewhere in your mind that good things shouldn't or won't happen to you

      • Or maybe that you don't deserve the good things for some reason

      • And so you shoot yourself in the foot - over and over again

      • An opportunity comes up and you turn it down

      • Or you get so stressed out that you have a bad interview - and they decide to pass on you

      • Whatever the case - you're raising the temperature every time you follow this line of thinking

      • And the only way to get out of this cycle is to lower the temperature - to start thinking more clearly about yourself

And that's what we'll end with today. With a few practical things we can do to lower the temperature in life. Not just in our lives - but in our community and in the world at large:

1. Love. Love. Love:

   • It's hard to keep the temperature up if you are living through the filter of love

   • When you choose to be a loving person

   • When you choose kindness over rightness

   • When you're willing to serve others instead of getting everything you deserve

2. Use Social Media - Don't Let It Use You:

   • Unfortunately, social media is the perfect platform for raising the temperature

   • For perpetuating polarization

   • For throwing gasoline on an open flame

   • But what if you chose to lower the temperature on your accounts?

   • What if you chose to post positive things - and encourage others?

   • What would the ripple effect of that be?

   • Remember - the social media platforms actually bank on polarization

   • Chaos and strife are perfect opportunities for them - and the more involved they can get people - often the more money they make

   • Pretty sad when you think of it that way - it's like we're puppets being manipulated by Facebook and Friends...

3. Listen First. Listen More:

   • What would it look like if we could listen more?

   • Get to know people and try to understand them from their point of view?

   • If we stopped calling people out - starting crap from afar - whether on social media or with those around us

   • People are already on edge - even more so with the pandemic and the instability life is presenting at the moment

   • And if people are like fire crackers right now - why would we walk around throwing lit matches everywhere?

   • And a follow up to this idea of listening more...

   • What if we talked less and thought more? What if instead of spouting off everything that comes to mind - we stopped, thought critically about it - and then only said the thing that is true and kind?

   • Often, the first things that come to mind aren't factual - they're driven by emotion and are many times wrong! 100% wrong - and yet we throw it out there as if it's the gospel truth.

4. Believe the Best In Others:

   • This is something we've talked about before on the podcast

   • Most recently in the Transcendent Parenting Series

   • But also last week when we talked about secrecy and how being transparent is the antidote to secrecy

   • We said that the only way transparency works in a family is if each family member is believing the best about each other

   • This lowers the temperature and decreases the defensiveness that often derails good conversations

   • So what if we applied that concept to those around us? Those outside our family units?

   • What if we tried to believe the best in them too? Not to judge them first - but to view them as a human being first

   • And get to know them before the judgment starts happening

   • Obviously you need to be a strong person, and you need to ensure that you aren't taken advantage of - because those people do exist

   • But what if we believed the best until proven otherwise?

   • That could go a long way in lowering the temperature in the world around us

Let’s Land the Plane:

This week, ask yourself the following questions:

1. We all understand that shit happens...

   • But today we explained that they are things we have no control over

   • Does this view help in any way?

   • Are you able to see a negative event from your past in this light?

   • That you were simply a victim in an event you had nothing to do with?

2. For everything else...

   • Can you see that there are things you have control over?

   • That there are things you do that make negative outcomes more possible? More likely to happen?

   • If so, what are some of these things for you?

   • And what could you do this week to rightsize those areas and make better choices?

3. And finally, lower the temperature...

   • Can you see areas in your life where you literally throw gasoline on an open flame?

   • If so, what would it look like to throw some water on it? And lower the temperature a bit?

   • And what would it look like this week for you to:

     • Love better?

     • Use social media well?

     • Listen first?

     • Believe the best in others?

Well, that's all for this week. Thank you so much for joining us on the podcast today.

Just remember - we live in a flammable world - but it's up to us what we choose to throw at it: gasoline or water.

I want to dedicate this episode to the older brother...the guy from my story in the Minute of Transparency.

His name is James “Skip” Christopher - and unfortunately we lost him back in 2019. At some point after high school and a few years of college, Skip  went into the Army - where he served for 23 years.

Rest in peace, my friend. 

Have a great week everyone, lower the temperature and as always keep Transcending Human!

References:

• http://www.illinoishsglorydays.com/id1105.html

• https://www.facebook.com/groups/367801337339425 

• https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shit_happens

• https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=shit%20happens

• https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/suspect-road-rage-death-6-year-old-pulled-gun-driver-n1271180