076 | Transcending Discomfort
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076 | Transcending Discomfort
August 23, 2021
Minute of Transparency: Eviction Notice...
Today's Topic: Transcending Discomfort
In this episode:
Leaving your comfort zone
Dealing with discomfort
Learning to trust
// 1. LEAVING YOUR COMFORT ZONE
I'm not going to spend a lot of time here - because we've talked about this before.
In fact if you would like to go deeper into this whole idea that comfort shouldn't be our goal in life - here are a few episodes where we fleshed that out:
004 | The Great “Happiness” Debate
005 | This “Worldly” We Live In / The “Happiness Trap"
008 | The Safety & Security Trap
051 | Transcending Comfort
Now these were all good discussions about our drive to be happy, safe, secure and in essence, comfortable.
And at the core was this idea that making comfort our ultimate goal in life only makes us less happy - and more unsettled when things start to go south - like it did when we got that email from our landlord.
If comfort was our top priority - that email would have derailed us right? Because it was an instantaneous assault on our safety - on our level of comfort.
So let's summarize some of the concepts from these previous episodes just to remind us where we left off:
The world has a very specific objective:
Happiness is the goal
Safety & Security is the goal
Add those two together and you have comfort
A comfortable life where you feel safe and secure - and you are happy most of the time
And what does it take to achieve this? Most often it requires money. Which means you need a good job that pays very well
When the money is rolling in you feel safe and secure - because you can pay all your bills and you have money sitting in a bank account
Money also allows you to do fun things - like concerts, sporting events, Disneyland, etc. Which adds to your level of happiness
And all that leads to comfort - living the comfortable life
The world doesn't play nice:
So just when you think you have it all figured out
You're comfortable
You feel safe and secure
You're getting to do fun things - and you're feeling a level of happiness
The bottom drops out
You lose a job, you lose a loved one, you get told you're getting evicted from your home, you find out you have cancer
Whatever it is - something happens - and your sense of comfort is shaken - you start to feel discomfort
The world doesn't play fair:
I can sum this one up in two statements:
Good things happen to bad people
Bad things happen to good people
This is the reality of living in a fallen, broken world
This is the reality of living in a world where the Sin Virus runs rampant
There has to be another way:
After we've played the world's game for a while - and realize that it doesn't satisfy
We start to understand that there has to be another way
There must be a better way - a better goal to have than just comfort
There has to be something that we can put our time, energy and resources into that doesn't fall flat
That doesn't leave us hanging at the most inopportune times
Something we can stake our lives on - a target that doesn't move no matter what happens to us in this world
// 2. DEALING WITH DISCOMFORT
So with all this talk about comfort being bad...actually we need to stop right there...
Because that isn't what I'm trying to say. Comfort isn't bad in and of itself.
Look at it this way:
We (in this country) have lost touch with reality on some level
There are hundreds of things that we take for granted as normal - things that make our lives more comfortable
Basic things like the ability to flush toilet paper down a toilet:
You realize in other countries this clogs up the pipes so you aren't allowed to do it
I mean do you ever think about those things?
We have homes - homes that typically keep creatures and insects out:
Think about people living in grass huts - open to the environment
We drive cars
We have public transpo
We have a Starbucks on every corner
Or a Keurig in the counter if Starbucks is too far away
See where I'm going with this?
The truth is - we live highly comfortable lives. Our culture is moving 100mph toward it:
Amazon shipments in 24h
Door Dash
Uber Eats
All the new services meant to take pressure off you - and get you your heart's desire as fast as possible
So am I saying that we need to give all of this up in order to live life the right way?
Of course not!
I mean there may be some things you need to give up if you're in too deep and it has become your life.
But for the most part no.
There is nothing wrong with accessing things that make life more comfortable.
The problem is in the intent - the mindset behind accessing these things.
We can have our hearts in the right place - and experience comfort every now and then
Or, our sole focus can be on the comfort - which means our heart's are in the wrong place
So why is this important?
Simple answer is this: Because comfort is fleeting...
You will not always be happy
You will not always feel safe or secure
You will not always feel comfortable
In fact there is really big chance things won't go as you planned.
The world knows this is true on some level - we call it Murphy's Law - which states:
"Anything that can go wrong will go wrong."
Now my wife would tell you that believing in this makes you a pessimist. But I always chime in with, "No - this makes you a realist."
Because Murphy's Law is based on reality. On the statistical certainty that if there are two options in a situation - a preferred option and a bad, or negative option, at some point, statistically, both options will occur.
Even in life or death situations. For example, Space Shuttle missions. There were two options:
A safe flight
A flight where something goes terribly wrong
And history showed us that both options came true.
Now that's a terrible illustration - horrible when you think about it.
And yet it happened. Nobody planned for it. Nobody expected it to happen. Surely nobody wanted it to happen. And yet, Murphy's Law proved itself yet again.
And this is why it is so important NOT to make comfort our driving purpose in life. Because when it all comes crashing down - discomfort will take a much higher toll on us.
Back to the illustration of the Space Shuttle.
Not only does this illustrate Murphy's Law - but it also illustrates the point of this episode - that there has to be something more to life than comfort.
NASA, and the space program did not view comfort as their main objective. Nor did they view safety and security as their main objective.
Their main objective was to put people in space! That was their goal. And it was a lofty one - filled with danger, uncertainty and discomfort.
If all they were concerned about was comfort - they would have closed up shop shortly after the Challenger Disaster and called it done.
But no - they kept pressing forward. Because their mission was putting people into space.
And that's the perfect illustration for us. We need that higher purpose. That higher objective.
That thing that supersedes safety, security, comfort and yes - even happiness!
With a purpose like that - we keep moving forward. Even when life gets uncomfortable - we know what our next step is. It's the next right thing headed in the direction of our main objective.
I mean yes - we get knocked down at times - we struggle - we go through the grief process - but all the while we understand that it isn't the end.
It's a momentary setback - part of the human condition - and soon it will pass.
// 3. LEARNING TO TRUST
So what is this main objective we're talking about? What is this higher purpose that we should be pursuing instead of comfort?
Well - that's a loaded question - and can only be answered by you. Because each of us has a different world view.
For some it might simply be this: Be Kind
That's it! Literally it.
We have friends who have this on their fridge and it's the motto they live by
Actually, I think it's "Don't Be an A$$hole"
But for the sake of this podcast we'll stick with "Be Kind"
And that's it - the main objective
The filter they ask their kids to see the world through
If you can just Be Kind in every situation you're making the world a better place
For others it involves adherence to a set of beliefs:
Typically these are religious beliefs
But some people are actually so involved in politics - that this becomes their main objective
And still others are on a less rigid spiritual journey - allowing their belief system to morph over time as they become more and more enlightened
For me - my main objective is inherent in my Christian faith:
The Bible spells it out for me
It answers the Big 3 Questions:
Where we came from
Why we're here
Where we go when we die
And so this is a big piece of my main objective - the purpose behind my life:
The understanding that:
God created us
We rebelled
Satan thinks he owns us and wants to destroy us
God came to make a way for us to get back to Him
And His gift is eternal life with Him in Heaven
Another piece to this puzzle for the Christian is that it's often when we're experiencing discomfort I that we grow the most:
Crazy how this works
Not only do we grow closer to our Creator
But we grow as a person - maturing - becoming a stronger version of ourselves
Interesting when you realize that most of the time we're shooting for comfort
Which means - we're shooting for something that keeps us disconnected from our Creator, and something that keeps is from maturing
Well, when you look at it that way...maybe a little discomfort isn't so bad after all!
And the last piece of the puzzle is a trust thing:
Learning to Trust that this is the purpose
That this is the main objective
Not comfort. Not safety and security. And not even happiness
Although - there is an interesting side effect to making this our purpose in life. When we view Heaven, and a relationship with our Creator, as our main purpose - something magical happens:
We experience true happiness: Which, in the past, we've defined as joy, or contentment
We experience safety and security: Even when life is a chaotic mess - because we know our security is in Him, and His promise of eternal life
And finally - we experience true comfort: Comfort that can only come through trusting in His eternal purposes - and knowing that we are part of that journey
Let’s Land the Plane:
So there you have it!
How to live a life that matters. A life with meaning and purpose. A life that, in a round about way provides the happiest, safest, most secure and most comfortable life you can possible live.
Strange right? It's like you have to give up your desire for comfort in order to actually get it!
This week ask yourself the following questions:
Are you chasing comfort?
If so, in what form? What are you doing to make comfort happen for you?
Can you see the difference between being comfortable and chasing comfort?
If you stopped chasing comfort - what would your main objective be?
What is it that you could focus on - that one thing that would keep you grounded and headed in the right direction?
I know this is a tendency of mine - to head in the direction of least resistance. To aim for less stress, and more comfort.
Maybe it's been a stressful week at work - and a new job starts to look appealing
Or life gets a bit chaotic and a log cabin up in the mountains starts to sound appealing
Whatever it is - for me - it's often just an attempt to manufacture comfort for myself. Because the discomfort isn't fun. And I'm also a control freak that likes to determine the things that happen to me. So letting go is hard - but essential in this process.
So that's the episode for today - thanks for joining us.
Quick programming note:
Next week it's finally happening!
We're going to jump head first into Transcendent Parenting. 10 Weeks of pure parenting bliss...
So if you've been waiting for this series - the wait is over. Join us next week as we kick off the series with Episode 1: First Things First
But for now, have a great week, let your discomfort grow you up, and as always keep Transcending Human!
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