051 | Transcending Comfort
March 1, 2021
Minute of Transparency: "There's Gold In Them Thar Hills"
Today's Topic: Transcending Comfort
In this episode:
The Allure of Comfort
Comfort = Stagnation
Growth Happens In a Variety of Ways
// 1. THE ALLURE OF COMFORT
I don't believe we've done an entire episode on comfort - but we've talked about things that feed right into this concept.
In Episode 004 | The Great Happiness Debate - we talked about our insatiable desire to be happy - which is also a desire to be comfortable.
Then in Episode 036 | Transcending Low Frustration Tolerance - we talked about how feeling a little uncomfortable can lead to all sorts of problems if we can't figure out how to raise our frustration tolerance.
Both episodes touched on this common theme - that we want to be comfortable - and that we're drawn to it like a moth to a flame.
We'll refer to it as the Allure of Comfort, because it is alluring - which is defined as:
Very attractive or tempting, enticing, seductive
Fascinating or charming
Interesting right? This is why I chose that word to describe our desire for comfort.
Because it is something that entices us. We're seduced by it. We think we have to have it.
And that's the allure of comfort. For each and every one of us. Similar to our desire for happiness, or our frustration if we feel any level of discomfort.
Comfort is the goal...
So let's flesh that out a bit... What does comfort mean?
Well, the simple definition is this:
a feeling of relief or consolation
a cause or matter of relief or satisfaction
a state of ease and satisfaction of bodily wants, with freedom from pain and anxiety
Now all of those make sense, but it's the last one that piqued my interest.
Slightly edited for our purposes, comfort is said to be:
"A state of satisfaction with what my body wants."
"Freedom from any sort of pain or anxiety."
Sounds great - right?
Doing things my body finds enjoyable, and not feeling pain or anxiety? What's not to love?
And this is why comfort is so alluring.
Because we see it as good, as a win-win situation. And we don't immediately see that there could be side effects, or potential drawbacks.
But more on that later in the episode...
So we have a simple definition, but what does comfort look like in the real world?
Well, in this country it's kind of baked into the fabric of our society.
I mean, right in the Declaration of Independence we list our highest goals as, "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness."
So right after making sure we don't die, and making sure nobody is telling us what to do - we're off looking for the things to make us happy! Or in this case comfortable...
So we come by it honestly. It's what we do as Americans. And to be sure - the rest of the world knows it.
This is the reason why we have a global reputation for being brash, materialistic and self-absorbed.
It's the air we put off as we run around trying to get what we deserve, have more than our neighbors and climb the proverbial ladder...
It's our reality, our culture and our rat race to navigate.
So back to the two pieces of our definition:
Satisfaction of our bodies desires
Freedom from pain and anxiety
In this country - what does satisfying our bodies desires look like? Hold your breath because here we go:
Having a nice home in a nice neighborhood with nice appliances and other conveniences
Heat and A/C to ensure the perfect climate in your home
HOAs - allowing you to live with access to pools, workout facilities and walking and biking trails
Owning cars that talk to you, have heated seats and basically drive themselves
Having the latest technology to remain connected to the world: laptops, tablets and mobile phone
Access to social media so we can express ourselves and develop an online persona of success and happiness
Having immediate access to entertainment through Netflix, Hulu, AppleTV+, Disney+, Peacock, HBO Max and CBS Go on devices like Apple TV, Roku and Amazon Firestick
Amazon for our immediate online shopping needs. The ability to purchase just about anything and have it on your doorstep a few days later
Food:
Having access to anything our taste buds desire at supermarkets right down the street
The ability to order these items and have them delivered
Thousands of restaurants to choose from
Door Dash or Uber Eats to bring it right to your door
Living in the right school district so your kids can attend an upscale, affluent school system
Access to kids sports, music and arts programs to ensure your child is as amazing as you - or at least has the opportunities you never had
Uber and Lyft to get you anywhere you need to go by using an App on your phone
Zoom so you can work from the comfort of your own home
And this is just scratching the surface...
Now I'm not saying everyone in the United States of America has all of these things. Obviously we have every socio-economic level from the homeless person, to the person with 10 homes...
And, as Americans, we have varying levels of access to these things. Based on region, location, income level, etc. However, if you live anywhere near a normal town or city in this country you probably have access to most of the things I listed.
But like I said, this is only scratching the surface. Do a search for "As Seen on TV" or simply go to asseenontvlive.com and you will find thousands of products people have invented to make your life better, easier and yes...more comfortable...
// 2. COMFORT = STAGNATION
Just reading this headline out loud will tell you where I'm going next.
"Comfort = Stagnation" is pretty blunt right? It's a pretty bold statement because it is so prescriptive, and doesn't leave much in the way of wiggle room. For example, if it said, "Comfort can or may lead to stagnation." That's one thing. But no, it just flat out suggests stagnation is the only logical end point...
So let's dive in and see if we can't unravel it a bit more.
We've already said that comfort is:
Satisfying our bodies desires
Being free from pain and anxiety
So what it's saying, is that if we make these two things priority in our life - our main goal if you will - stagnation is a sure thing. The logical end result.
So what is stagnation? I mean it sounds like something your doctor would diagnose, and treat you for...but aside from that...is it really that bad?
I don't know, let's start with the dictionary: Stagnation is defined as:
The state or condition of stagnating, or having stopped, as by ceasing to run or flow
A foulness or staleness, as one emanating from a standing pool of water
Failure to develop, progress, or advance
The state or quality of being or feeling sluggish and dull
So the first two definitions refer to standing water - which I believe is where the word came from. It's the condition water finds itself in when there is no movement or flow, and there ceases to be a way for it to cleanse itself.
This is why the Dead Sea in the Middle East is called the "Dead Sea." Because it is stagnant. Water can flow into the Sea, but no water flows out. Same with the Great Salt Lake in Utah. These are standing bodies of water that just keep evaporating - which boosts the salinity - and makes them inhospitable environments - incapable of supporting life.
Now these are great illustrations - but let's get to the third and fourth definition:
Failure to develop, progress or advance
And, being or feeling sluggish, or dull
Hit's a bit closer to home right?
But can this be true?
Let me string it all together into one statement:
“When we value comfort by satisfying our bodies desires and avoiding all pain and anxiety; we fail to develop, progress or advance, and we can feel sluggish and dull.”
Thoughts? Still a bit too much?
This idea that if we put too much energy into being comfortable - we're putting ourselves in a place where we will fail to grow? Fail to progress? Fail to mature?
Ouch - it just sounds so wrong to put it that way.
I mean in and of itself the word "comfort" is a good word, a positive word. It brings up happy thoughts. Warm fuzzies. Like sitting by a warm fireplace and watching the snow slowly falling outside your window!
So how can "comfort" be attached to something negative - like stagnation?
Well, don't look at me! I mean, I am the one talking, but I'm not the one proposing this scenario.
You should know by now - most of my ideas are spiritual in nature and there is no better source of truth than the Bible itself.
So what does the Bible have to say about comfort?
Interestingly enough when you search for the word "comfort" a lot of verses come up:
But they aren't what you would expect
They aren't verses explaining how to attain comfort, or to discuss the value of comfort
In fact, most of them are verses explaining that God is there to comfort us when things aren't comfortable
Suggesting that it is more likely we'll experience pain and suffering than the easy life - especially if we're following God and trusting in Him
But this is just a piece of the puzzle.
Then there are the verses that explain what it takes to grow, mature and make progress.
One of the most common:
"If anyone wants to come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” Matthew 16:24
The idea that if we truly want to grow, and be more like Jesus we have to pick up our cross - which illustrates the pain, suffering and trials we go through in life.
"Count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” James 1:2–4
Wow...now that one packs a punch. What a concept - being joyful that you're going through trials? Not intuitive if you ask me...
But it also makes when you finish the verse. The joy is because you see the end of the story. You see that the faith you have leads to patience, and the end result is being perfect, complete and lacking nothing.
I mean that sounds pretty good, right?
I was listening to Mark Batterson of National Community Church in Washington DC the other day.
The message was called, "The State of the Church 2021" I'll put a link in the show notes if you're interested in listening to the entire thing.
Mark gave a short explanation of the things NCC did in 2020, and touched on some of the things they stand for
But he quickly moved to something that must have been on his heart
And one of those things sounded a lot like this comfort thing we're struggling with today
He cautioned those listening to stay out there - away from what is comfortable
He said, "comfort" looks a lot like retreating back to people that look like us, act like us and vote like us...
But that this is NOT who we are. It's NOT what we're called to be.
He explained that we have two choices. We can:
Choose NOT to be part of the problem
Or we can choose to be part of the solution
Neither is wrong, but one is definitely better
Choosing NOT to be part of the problem is choosing "comfort" which leads to stagnation like we've discussed
Choosing to be part of the solution is messy, it can be painful, it can even be dangerous - but it is far from stagnant. You learn, grow, mature, become more patient and eventually you become complete, lacking nothing
// 3. GROWTH IS ALSO A CHOICE
I think it's important NOT to become too dogmatic about growth only happening through pain and trials.
The last thing I think we're supposed to do is go looking for trouble in order to grow ourselves up!
But that's not a problem most of the time. Trouble isn't something we have to go looking for. Trouble typically finds us when we're least expecting it.
We're going to be forced to deal with trials from time to time. And that's when we can either throw in the towel, or hold onto our faith to grow and mature into the people God knows we can be.
So what about those times when things seem to be going pretty well? When you're starting to feel a level of comfort and life seems to finally be treating you right?
Well, if this is you, let me start by saying congratulations! Be thankful for the time of peace and calm. But at the same time don't hold onto it too tightly. Understand that comfort is NOT the goal, and that times of pain and suffering could be right around the corner.
The most important thing to do in this situation is to choose in advance how you will respond in both seasons. Seasons of comfort and seasons of pain.
So what is this choice we have? What are you talking about?
Well, I would suggest that in times of peace and prosperity - growth is still possible - but it requires is to move away from our comfort zone. If the end result of us focusing 100% on comfort is stagnation - we're going to have to move away from it if we want to grow. Choosing to walk toward people and situations that are messy. Choosing to be part of the solution vs. NOT being a problem.
So let's get practical. I can tend to live up in the clouds too long with the high-level concepts.
So let's talk specifics. And since I'm the only one in the room I'll pick on myself...
What does it mean for me to be part of the solution? What does it look like for me to get out of my comfort zone and grow as a person?
Enneagram 1:
Less methodical
More adventurous
Introvert:
Be around people more
Put yourself out there
Perfectionist:
Less anal retentive
More accepting
Easier to be around people that think like me:
Be more accepting, choose to be around people with different viewpoints
In my head:
Get out of my head
Put things out there
Share the passions God gave you with the world
Hate conflict:
Step into difficult relationships
Choose to engage people - even though it often leads to difficult conversations or agreeing to disagree
Maybe I should have made that the MOT...
Anyway...
Let’s Land the Plane:
This week, think through these questions:
Do you live your life with comfort as the main goal? I know I struggle with this all the time...
Are you chasing things to make you feel good?
Are you trying to avoid pain and anxiety at any cost?
Can you see how comfort leads to stagnation?
How when all you're worried about is feeling good, you find there is nothing left to do, nowhere to go, nothing to learn?
Ever feel that way when things are going too well? Like you're sluggish? Or dull?
And finally, if you are in a good place, but want to be part of the solution:
What does this look like for you?
What could you do to get out of your comfort zone?
Who would you move toward?
What situations would you put yourself in to make a difference in the world around you?
Great questions for each of us this week.
My prayer is that we choose NOT to spend the entire week chasing comfort, but instead get messy, and move toward things that will grow us up and help us mature.
Thanks for being here with us today, and until next time, keep Transcending Human!