067 | Transcending Moments
June 21, 2021
Minute of Transparency: Attention Deficit Disorder
Today's Topic: Transcending Moments
In this episode:
What is a moment worth?
The power of presence
Overcoming distractibility
// 1. WHAT IS A MOMENT WORTH?
In order to answer that question I probably need to define what I mean by the word "moment" first.
In Episode 058 the Minute of Transparency was called "Take a Snapshot." I talked about these special times for me where my entire world slows down and I become hyper-aware of my surroundings - but just for a brief moment:
It's everything from the people I'm with
To the temperature outside
To the warmth of the breeze
To the music playing in the background
All of these sensory elements combine in the snap of a finger and I feel a sense of peace
I call it a snapshot - because I try my best to take a mental picture of the experience - to remember how visceral, and perfect that moment was
Notice I used the word moment twice while describing these snapshots?
That's because my snapshots are always moments in time - very short moments that have a really big impact on me.
But the opposite isn't always true. Every moment is NOT a snapshot. Because snapshots for me are always positive, welcomed and memorable.
But not every moment is that for us:
There are great moments:
Happy moments
Joyful moments
And there are moments we wish we could forget:
Sad moments
Moments of regret
Moments of anger
Moments of fear
But this isn't bad or wrong - it's simply part of the Human Condition. As Andy Stanley says, "It's just a thing thing." In other words, it is what it is...
Dictionary.com makes it pretty simple:
An indefinitely short period of time; instant:
Often used in this way: "the moment" to show the present time or any other particular time: He is busy at the moment.
A definite period or stage, as in a course of events: At this moment in history.
A particular time or period of success, excellence, fame, etc.: His big moment came in the final game.
So pretty much what we've said...
A moment is a short period of time in which things happen. It can be right now - in the present - or you can look back and identify a moment in the past. And we understand there will be moments in the future...
But it's the first one we're going to focus on today. The moments in our present day - the ones happening right here and now.
So back to the question, "What's a moment worth?"
Well, for the sake of this episode I'm going to suggest that moments are extremely important:
As you often make decisions in moments
And often moments are defined by the decisions we make
And, these decisions often had eternal weight - eternal consequences
Of course there are mundane decisions - like whether to pick chocolate or vanilla ice cream
But maybe there was an eternal decision that should have happened in the previous moment
Maybe the real decision was whether to have the bowl of ice cream in the first place
For some - the decision to have ice cream may be very mundane - since they only eat dessert once in a while anyway
For others, this may be an eternal decision - because they struggle with food as an addiction
The important thing to understand is that we all make decisions, and each decision occurs in a moment in time.
For those of you who have been with us since the beginning - you'll recall us talking through this in the Controversy Theory series.
Basic Assumption 11: Choices Form Habits Which Form Character
Ultimately - this is what we're talking about. And why moments in time are so important. Because what we choose to do in those moments add up to become habits - the way we live life, the things we do, the behaviors we repeat. And those habits eventually help form or define our character - which is who we really are on the inside. If we were squeezed like a grape - our character is what would come out...
// 2. THE POWER OF PRESENCE
So one of the things you've probably heard recently is this concept of being "present" in life.
Showing up, being there - not just physically there - but mentally and emotionally as well.
It isn't a new concept - but has definitely gained momentum as our lives have become more and more complex - and more technologically advanced.
You see articles on the Internet, spots on local news, full interviews and recommendations on the Today Show.
It's all the rage on some level. But how many of us are listening?
How many of us stop long enough to realize they're talking to you. They're talking to me.
So let's spend a little time on this:
What does it mean to really be present in the moment. Whatever the moment is.
I think we already touched on the math involved.
Being present = Physical + Intellectual + Emotional
All three elements have to be there in order for us to be fully present and accounted for.
Another way to look at it is this:
“If we focus our thinking, behaving and feeling on the moment we’re in - we’re fully present.”
So let's illustrate with this:
It's getting late, and you've already worked a long, frustrating day
Your toddler is having the time of her life running around the house before bedtime
Suddenly she stops, comes over to you and asks, "Daddy, can you play Princesses with me?"
Now I don't know about you, but playing Princesses at 8p is not high on my priority list
And! To make matters worse - I'm not sure I'm the guy to play Princesses - right? I mean I don't think I came equipped to do this
And so it goes - a moment has presented itself to me - and I have a decision to make
Saying no - I'm too busy - is the easy way out
Saying yes - but looking at my phone the whole time is close to saying no
Saying yes - and being fully present is the right answer - though not always the easy answer
So I say yes, and in order to be fully present I have to do the following:
Behaving: I have to physically get off the couch and get down on her level and physically interact with the Princesses (without my phone - and I might even have to turn the TV off)
Thinking: I need to turn my brain off from whatever it was I was just doing - and think about Princesses
Feeling: I may not feel like being on the floor with a bunch of matted hair Princesses - but I need to get there emotionally. I need to try and feel what my daughter is experiencing and allow my emotional state to match hers
This illustration brings up a couple of things for me:
The first is that it was a moment in time:
It was a moment created and defined by the choice I made
And I would suggest it was a choice with eternal ramifications
Leading to the development of either good or bad habits as a father
It seems pretty small - but those small things add up over time
The other thing is the whole quality vs. quantity of time thing:
People often discount the amount of time spent with you by saying, "But it was quality time..."
And the opposite is also true. You can spend an entire weekend with someone and there could be little to no quality in it
So it's my belief that it has to be both-and. Both are equally important:
Quantity: In the illustration - I could have been playing Princesses for over an hour - that's a lot of time when you consider the activity🙂
Quality: Only in the third scenario does quality time take place. Only when you are fully present and oriented x3
// 3. OVERCOMING DISTRACTIBILITY
So what is it that keeps us from spending quantities of time, and quality time with those we love? In the moments that come at us each and every day?
Distractions. Simple as that.
Things that compete for your time and attention.
These can be good things. They can be bad things. They can be ugly things. And they can be sneaky, virus type things that you don't even see coming...
Classic Distractions:
Work
Housework
Hobbies
Extracurricular activities
21st Century Distractions:
All of the above +
News, Sports & Television
Streaming content
Technology & Devices (allowing instantaneous access to the world)
Social Media
Online shopping
Personal growth: The marathon craze - "I'm going to train for a marathon!" And is then gone for huge amounts of time training
Travel sports (and other over-the-top activities for our kids)
We'll talk more about this in our Parenting Series - coming soon
Perhaps the most intrusive distraction though is the phone - fast becoming our minute-by-minute device - never leaving our side.
I listened to a podcast recently from Menlo Park Church called "From Distracted to Present." In this episode, Cheryl Fletched unpacked some statistics from a 2016 study:
Average iPhone User touches their phone 2,617 times a day
Social media is designed to be addictive
Increased use of social media has a visible effect on our mental health
79% of smart phone owners check their device within 15 minutes of waking up
1/3 of us would give up sex before giving up our phones
So what do we do with all of these distractions coming at us at 100mph?
How can we overcome distraction in order to take advantage of every moment, and be fully present in those moments?
According to Cheryl we need to:
Put the phone down
Ask questions and listen to others
Be curious
Be still - allowing ourselves to refocus on what's important
And to her list I would add the following:
Set boundaries:
Work boundaries, technology boundaries, television boundaries
Decide in advance what your priorities are and how you want things to stack up in your life
Build in space:
Mostly space in your schedule - opening up time
Time for you - so you can slow your mind
Time for your closest relationships - so you will be fully present for them
Clean House:
I don't know what this means to you
But to me it meant removing Facebook from my phone
And Instagram is so close to being the next casualty...
I also had to start getting up earlier
I had to start exercising
I had to add space to my mornings so I could be healthier, and experience a quieter version of my day before it really got moving
And that's just the start...
I know I need to start putting the phone down in the evenings and not picking it up every 5 minutes...
So there is work to be done.
But that's life right? It's just a thing thing. It is what it is.
Let’s Land the Plane:
This week wrestle with the following questions:
What are your moments looking like these days?
Can you see the importance in each of them?
Can you see moments you've missed?
Are there things you can do to be more aware of the moments that come your way?
Do you struggle to be fully present at times in these moments?
If so, what can you do this week to change that?
What can you stop doing, or start doing to show those you love that you're all in?
Do you struggle with distractions?
If so, what are some things you can do this week to overcome these distractions?
Are there things you can give up?
Can you lock a device in another room in the evenings and see if that works?
I am so thankful that I get to do this each and every week.
My prayer is that you are not only encouraged - but that you feel equipped to make changes in your life.
Believe it or not - that's what I get out of each episode. I'm not just pumping out content for other people. These are topics I struggle with right now, or have had issues with in my past. These episodes are me researching things I want clarity on. And the tools I discuss are often tools that have worked for me - or new tools I hope to incorporate into my own life.
So we're truly in this journey together - each and every week.
Thanks again for choosing to spend another Monday morning with us.
Have a great week, be present in every possible moment, and as always, keep Transcending Human!