147 | Transcending Control
January 23, 2023
Welcome back!
So I wanted to address something interesting about the episodes so far this season.
We aren't in a series per se - but what I'm finding is that my brain is operating in a specific direction and the episodes I'm coming up with seem to be connected...
Last week the episode was "Transcending the Good Old Days." We took a nostalgic look back at our pasts - but quickly changed the conversation to the danger that comes if we get so stuck there - that we lose focus on today. When we start to idolize the past we become myopic, selfish and demanding. Our behavior fits perfectly into the growing polarization seen in our country and we can become radicalized in various ways.
Today we take it one step further with "Transcending Control." So in this new normal of political and ideological polarization - there is often a power grab. When you feel a loss of control - you work harder to control the things around you. And when you're looking for that control - you often look for a person who agrees with you - and has more power. By combining your power, or by joining a movement that seems to have a lot of power - you in turn feel less out of control.
And next week we're going to dive into "Transcending Brainwashing." Following up on the conversation we have today about cults and cult-like behavior. And asking,
"But how did we get there?"
"How were we brainwashed into believing those things?
"And why did it take us so long to see the light?"
Like I said - I didn't clump these three episodes into a series - but I can't help but see the connection.
Minute of Transparency: Where's my brain at?
Today's Topic: Transcending Control
There's a Cult Around Every Corner
Taking a "BITE" out of Cults
Living Differently
// 1. THERE'S A CULT AROUND EVERY CORNER
What do you think about when you hear the word "cult"?
If you're like me - your mind goes straight to some of the highly visible ones - the ones that made national news headlines.
Like these three:
The Branch Davidians of Waco Texas:
Actually an offshoot of the Seventh Day Adventist church - the church I was raised in...so there's that...
The Branch Davidians were led by the following people - known as "prophets:"
Victor Houteff was the original prophet. He began the movement back in 1935
When Victor died, his wife Florence took over
A member of the sect, Benjamin Roden, joined her and helped take them through the 50s, 60s and 70s
When Benjamin died, his wife Lois took over for a while as prophet
In the 80s a man named Vernon Howell came to study under Lois
He quickly rose to power, and split the group - taking his followers in a different direction
When Lois died - Vernon returned to the original compound, now led by Lois' son George, and took it by force - reuniting the two groups and assuming control as the official prophet
At some point Vernon changed his name to David Koresh - the name we all know him by
Koresh led the group into a standoff with federal agents in 1983
The standoff lasted 51 days - and ended in a deadly fire - killing many of the Branch Davidians inside the compound
Jim Jones & The Peoples Temple:
Started by Jim Jones in Indianapolis, IN
A religious movement that combined Christianity with communist and socialist ideologies between 1954 and 1978
The group had a headquarters in San Francisco
It had a strong focus on racial equality - and was tied to many left-wing political figures at that time
The group moved around and created new outposts within the US
But in 1974 the group leased land in Jonestown, Guyana Africa
It became a socialist outpost - and an escape from the scrutiny they were facing in the US
It grew to around 50 residents in 1977
But by 1978 it was over 900 as more people left the US in search of peace in Guyana
The end of this group came in a much different way:
The group was being investigated by a congressman, Leo Ryan, who was concerned after hearing allegations of abuse within the group
The congressman and few other people flew to the compound in Guyana
They did an investigation and asked if anyone wanted to leave with them
A number of the group members did want to leave - and together the group returned to the plane
However, as they were preparing to board, Peoples Temple Security showed up and opened fire - killing most of the group as they tried to leave the country
Jim Jones knew he had just sealed his fate
So he enacted a plan to wipe out his entire group
He put cyanide poison in grape flavored Kool-Aid and demanded that everyone drink it
When they did - they died
If they didn't drink the Kool-Aid they were shot
All together 918 people died in the compound - 276 were children
Or maybe this one - the Heaven's Gate cult:
A religious movement started in 1974 by Bonnie Nettles and Marshall Applewhite
Known within the sect as Ti and Do respectively
They believed they were the Two Witnesses mentioned in the book of Revelation
They gathered a group of a couple hundred - then stopped recruiting and lived separated from society - in a setting similar to the life you would live in a monastery
The beliefs were a mix of Christianity, Millenarianism, New Age and Ufology - or a belief in the existence of Extra-Terrestrial life
They believed that they would ascend at some point into a higher level of existence - a level above the human existence we all experience
When Nettles, or "Ti" died of cancer in 1985 - the group completely changed their belief system
Originally - they assumed they would reach the next level of consciousness by being removed from Earth on a UFO
However, when Ti died - they changed that belief and began teaching that they would only ascend at the time of their death
The body was merely a container - and that in order to ascend - the body had to die
Based on this belief - 39 members of the group participated in a mass suicide in San Diego on March 26, 1997
They chose this day because the Hale-Bopp Comet would be on close proximity to Earth and they felt that it was a sign of ascension
The day of the mass suicide - their website was updated to read:
"Hale–Bopp brings closure to Heaven's Gate...our 22 years of classroom here on planet Earth is finally coming to conclusion—'graduation' from the Human Evolutionary Level. We are happily prepared to leave 'this world' and go with Ti's crew."
Sound familiar?
Those were just three of the cults I remember hearing about. In part because I talked about them with my parents at the time. But also because they were covered in depth by national news outlets.
I've watched documentaries on the Jonestown event. And the 51-day Branch Davidian Standoff was literally live streamed on some channels in hopes that they would capture images of David Koresh being handcuffed and little children being freed from the abusive and incestuous environment they were believed to be in.
Unfortunately - nobody was prepared for the way that ended.
Heaven's Gate wasn't quite as big in terms of the impact and the news coverage - but it still struck a chord. How were 39 people so led astray that they agreed to give up their lives by committing suicide?
But at the end of the day - if we're going to talk about cults - what are we talking about?
According to dictionary.com - A cult is:
a particular system of religious worship, especially with reference to its rites and ceremonies
an instance of great veneration of a person, ideal, or thing, especially as manifested by a body of admirers: the physical fitness cult
a group or sect bound together by veneration of the same thing, person, ideal, etc.
a religion or sect considered to be false, unorthodox, or extremist, with members often living outside of conventional society under the direction of a charismatic leader
Sociology: A group having a sacred ideology and a set of rites centering around their sacred symbols
So as we can see - the term "cult" is typically tied to religious behavior.
However, we also use it to describe obsessive or compulsive behavior in other areas of our culture.
For example, there are people who spend all their time at the gym doing cross fit. These people are often referred to as being in a Fitness Cult.
And then there are the tree-hugging environmentalists from the Pacific Northwest. This group has often been described as displaying cult-like behavior.
But again - most of the time a cult has a religious bent to it.
According to VeryWellMind.com here are 10 things that help to identify a cult:
Absolute authoritarianism without accountability
Zero tolerance for criticism or questions
Lack of meaningful financial disclosure regarding budget
Unreasonable fears about the outside world that often involve evil conspiracies and persecutions
A belief that former followers are always wrong for leaving and there is never a legitimate reason for anyone else to leave
Abuse of its members
Records, books, articles, or programs documenting the abuses of the leader or group
Followers feeling they are never able to be “good enough”
A belief that the leader is right at all times
A belief that the leader is the exclusive means of knowing “truth” or giving validation
So again - you could have all 10 of these in a group that has no religious affiliation at all. But typically there is.
// 2. TAKING A "BITE" OUT OF CULTS
Now, for the purposes of this episode - we're going to focus on the typical cult - the religious type.
Where there is a dominant leader:
Often viewed as a prophet
Someone who is somehow more knowledgable than everyone else
Someone who is often viewed as the "chosen one"
Possibly even viewed as God on Earth - or at least sanctioned by God to lead and to direct
I recently watched two TV mini-series on the Fundamental Latter Day Saints or FLDS groups. Both showed the way these groups operate, and how they fit the criteria of a cult down to the letter.
One was the Netflix Series: Keep Sweet: Pray and Obey
The real life story of Warren Jeffs
And the other was the FX Original Series: Under the Banner of Heaven
Starring Andrew Garfield
This series was based on the real life murder of Brenda Wright Lafferty and her 15-month old daughter Erica in 1984
Both are difficult to watch. But both do an amazing job visualizing what a cult looks like, and how it operates.
Ultimately, a cult is born when a person somehow gains a high level of Authoritarian Control over a group of people.
Something Steven Hassan has spent his life researching. His work culminated in something called: The BITE Model of Authoritarian Control
Of course his work was based on the research of others before him - people like:
Robert Lifton
Margaret Singer
Edgar Schein
Louis West
People who spent time studying the dynamics of the brainwashing that occurred in Maoist China
And the work of Leon Festinger - and Cognitive Dissonance Theory
But his findings suggested that Authoritarian Control comes in 4 different spheres of influence.
He refers to the four as BITE - or B, I, T, and E.
B = Behavior Control
I = Information Control
T = Thought Control
E = Emotional Control
Now - there are a lot of examples under each one - and I'm going to read through them as fast as possible - so you get a feel for what each means.
It's a bit long - but stick with me and we'll unpack it all at the end.
BEHAVIOR CONTROL
Regulate individual’s physical reality
Dictate where, how, and with whom the member lives and associates or isolates
When, how and with whom the member has sex
Control types of clothing and hairstyles
Regulate diet – food and drink, hunger and/or fasting
Manipulation and deprivation of sleep
Financial exploitation, manipulation or dependence
Restrict leisure, entertainment, vacation time
Major time spent with group indoctrination and rituals and/or self indoctrination including the Internet
Permission required for major decisions
Rewards and punishments used to modify behaviors, both positive and negative
Discourage individualism, encourage group-think
Impose rigid rules and regulations
Punish disobedience by beating, torture, burning, cutting, rape, or tattooing/branding
Threaten harm to family and friends
Force individual to rape or be raped
Encourage and engage in corporal punishment
Instill dependency and obedience
Kidnapping
Beating
Torture
Rape
Separation of Families
Imprisonment
Murder
INFORMATION CONTROL
Deception:
a. Deliberately withhold information
b. Distort information to make it more acceptable
c. Systematically lie to the cult member
Minimize or discourage access to non-cult sources of information, including:
a. Internet, TV, radio, books, articles, newspapers, magazines, media
b. Critical information
c. Former members
d. Keep members busy so they don’t have time to think and investigate
e. Control through cell phone with texting, calls, internet tracking
Compartmentalize information into Outsider vs. Insider doctrines:
a. Ensure that information is not freely accessible
b. Control information at different levels and missions within group
c. Allow only leadership to decide who needs to know what and when
Encourage spying on other members:
a. Impose a buddy system to monitor and control member
b. Report deviant thoughts, feelings and actions to leadership
c. Ensure that individual behavior is monitored by group
Extensive use of cult-generated information and propaganda, including:
a. Newsletters, magazines, journals, audiotapes, videotapes, YouTube, movies and other media
b. Misquoting statements or using them out of context from non-cult sources
Unethical use of confession:
a. Information about sins used to disrupt and/or dissolve identity boundaries
b. Withholding forgiveness or absolution
c. Manipulation of memory, possible false memories
THOUGHT CONTROL
Require members to internalize the group’s doctrine as truth:
a. Adopting the group’s ‘map of reality’ as reality
b. Instill black and white thinking
c. Decide between good vs. evil
d. Organize people into us vs. them (insiders vs. outsiders)
Change person’s name and identity
Use of loaded language and clichés which constrict knowledge, stop critical thoughts and reduce complexities into platitudinous buzz words
Encourage only ‘good and proper’ thoughts
Hypnotic techniques are used to alter mental states, undermine critical thinking and even to age regress the member
Memories are manipulated and false memories are created
Teaching thought-stopping techniques which shut down reality testing by stopping negative thoughts and allowing only positive thoughts, including:
a. Denial, rationalization, justification, wishful thinking
b. Chanting
c. Meditating
d. Praying
e. Speaking in tongues
f. Singing or humming
Rejection of rational analysis, critical thinking, constructive criticism
Forbid critical questions about leader, doctrine, or policy allowed
Labeling alternative belief systems as illegitimate, evil, or not useful
Instill new “map of reality”
EMOTIONAL CONTROL
Manipulate and narrow the range of feelings – some emotions and/or needs are deemed as evil, wrong or selfish
Teach emotion-stopping techniques to block feelings of homesickness, anger, doubt
Make the person feel that problems are always their own fault, never the leader’s or the group’s fault
Promote feelings of guilt or unworthiness, such as:
Identity guilt
You are not living up to your potential
Your family is deficient
Your past is suspect
Your affiliations are unwise
Your thoughts, feelings, actions are irrelevant or selfish
Social guilt
Historical guilt
Instill fear, such as fear of:
Thinking independently
The outside world
Enemies
Losing one’s salvation
Leaving or being shunned by the group
Other’s disapproval
Historical guilt
Extremes of emotional highs and lows – love bombing and praise one moment and then declaring you are horrible sinner
Ritualistic and sometimes public confession of sins
Phobia indoctrination: inculcating irrational fears about leaving the group or questioning the leader’s authority
No happiness or fulfillment possible outside of the group
Terrible consequences if you leave: hell, demon possession, incurable diseases, accidents, suicide, insanity, 10,000 reincarnations, etc.
Shunning of those who leave; fear of being rejected by friends and family
Never a legitimate reason to leave; those who leave are weak, undisciplined, unspiritual, worldly, brainwashed by family or counselor, or seduced by money, sex, or rock and roll
Threats of harm to ex-member and family
Now - that was a lot. Like I said - it's like drinking from a fire hose...
But it's important to understand that these lists aren't meant to be for one cult.
They are very long because Steven is including everything. All of the criteria. He wanted to make sure his BITE Model included all of the things you might see in a cult scenario where the leader was exerting Authoritarian Control over a group of people.
So yes - this list sounds crazy. And it might give you a false sense of security at first - because you might think, "Well - that is extreme. The group I'm part of isn't half that bad..."
And while that might be true - it doesn't mean the group you're in is NOT a cult.
You don't have to have all of the criteria in each bucket in order to be considered a cult. Or for your leader to be considered a person exercising high levels of Authoritarian Control over you.
There are extreme cults, and then there are your run-of-the-mill cults.
But at the end of the day - it's still a cult! And we need to understand how they operate so we don't get caught up in one.
// 3. LIVING DIFFERENTLY
So this is probably where I should inject my story into the mix.
At the beginning I alluded to the fact that I grew up in the Seventh Day Adventist Church. And that the Branch Davidians were an offshoot of that church. In fact - legend has it that David Koresh attended the same SDA college I did...
Now I can't confirm that - but within the SDA Denomination there is a saying, "All roads run through Andrews University." So I wouldn't be surprised if at some point he was enrolled there - or at least spent time there.
But that isn't the point.
The point is that I was raised with the same upbringing as David Koresh. If he grew up hearing the traditional teachings of the SDA church.
Now - at some point we obviously took very different routes. We made very different life choices. And the direction he headed led him straight into a cult - one that he eventually became the leader of.
But the funny thing is - this wasn't uncommon. In fact - when I lived in Wyoming, there was a family who started attending out little church. They had some very interesting beliefs, and at one point they left to follow a more "strict" and "removed" lifestyle. Over time we heard stories - that they had found property, and that people had joined them on this property to live out this more "holy" lifestyle as a group.
That's all I remember. But when I think about it now - I realize it was the birth of a cult. Now it may not be an extreme example. And it may have been totally safe for the participants. But if you were to use the BITE Model as a checklist - there's a good chance this group would be labeled as a cult.
But back to me and David Koresh...why the difference? What sent him in that direction and what kept me where I was?
Well - next week might answer some of these questions. Because we're going to talk about brainwashing. And there had to be a little of that mixed in somewhere.
But the funny thing is - society viewed both of us as being in a cult. Did you know that?
Back then the Seventh Day Adventist church was viewed as a cult - mainly because the church placed a lot of weight on the writings and teachings of one individual. A woman named Ellen White.
At the same time the SDA church was growing into a major denomination - so was the Mormon church - with their prophet Joseph Smith.
The similarities were there - so culture lumped both of them together as cults.
Then in 1965 Walter Ralston Martin, an American Minister, wrote a book called, The Kingdom of the Cults. A book that went on to become the definitive work on the cults in that day.
Strangely enough in his book, the Seventh Day Adventist church was not given a full chapter. Instead they were placed at the back in Appendix B called "The puzzle of the Seventh Day Adventism." Because he was confused. On the one hand, society had placed the church in the category of cult. But in his research he found that they didn't fit the complete mold of a cult.
So with these puzzling findings - he simply explained what he found and left it at that.
And that's pretty much the way it feels when you are in the SDA church:
Growing up - you feel different
You feel like you're part of something that others view as abnormal
You worship on Saturday and believe in the 24hr Sabbath
There was a health message - very legalistic beliefs about meat, caffeine, alcohol, tobacco, etc.
And the church believed strongly in having hospitals and schools
And because of these things - you typically grouped up in communities where there was a church, schools for your kids and employment through the hospital
I lived for a while in Hinsdale, IL and this was the case:
Hinsdale Hospital
Hinsdale SDA Church
Hinsdale Academy
The trifecta
But that's nothing compared to the SDA community that formed in Southwest Michigan - Berrien Springs, MI
Andrews University
Andrews Academy
Pioneer Memorial Church
Village Church
All Nations Church
Apple Valley Grocery Store (every possible health food, and fake meat product on the market)
And the McDonalds in town even offered a veggie burger - years before its time
We called Berrien Springs "Veggie-ville"
Because it was a community catering to the SDA lifestyle
Now - all that to say. I don't believe the SDA church is a cult. Unique, and a very interesting take on the Bible. But as a denomination - not a cult.
And over time it's been interesting to watch other denominations form with similar beliefs.
Did you know there are a group called the Seventh Day Baptists? There are Sabbatarian Pentecostals and Sabbatarian British Israelites.
Now, these denominations may not be your cup of tea. But they are legit denominations with hundreds of thousands of followers - people who are free to come and go - people who would not consider themselves being part of a cult.
So you might be asking... "Daryl, you grew up SDA, and you don't believe they're a cult. So why all this talk about deconstruction?"
Why aren't you still in the SDA church?
Great question. The simple answer is that I fell away for a while - and when I returned to church (or religion at that time) I connected with the mega church movement. I was pulled in because of the lights, the worship, the inspiring messages and the focus on loving others. It was so different from the legalistic approach of my upbringing.
As I got more involved I started to volunteer - then eventually got a job working in the mega church world. And for quite a few years I felt like I had made it. Life was good. I was getting paid to do what I loved - and it was ministry. There was a purpose behind what I was doing.
But eventually things changed. And over time I began to see behind the curtain. The belly of the beast. The dark side of the movement:
How it was run like a business - with business goals more than people goals
How there was often a narcissistic leader at the top
How people often cowered at the feet of these leaders
How money and perks flowed uphill to the few at the top and those at the bottom work for minimum wage or less - because after all - it's a calling - not a job!
We got to be in ministry - and that was a privilege
At some point in there I listened to the Rise and Fall of Mars Hill podcast and it all made sense
It was an extreme example - but a good one
I could see the same behavior, the same goals, the same rhetoric at the churches I had worked for
And I wanted to throw up in my mouth
I saw the similarities - but worse than that - I saw how I played my role in the machine
Without questioning, without pushing back
I was on the bus that was running people over
And as long as I didn't rock the bus - I got to stay on it
This was the straw that broke the camel's back for me. And probably led to my affair with deconstruction.
I found myself in no mans land.
I wanted nothing to do with large, culturally relevant churches any longer. But at the same time I didn't feel the connection back to the SDA church I was raised in.
And that's where I'm at.
As I've said before - I'm not deconstructing my faith - I'm deconstructing religion.
I've never felt more sure that God exists. And I still believe that Jesus is who He claimed to be.
But aside from that - I'm out of answers.
I question the Bible - and no longer believe that it's inerrant. That there are no mistakes, and no errors in it.
But at the same time - I believe there is a HUGE difference between the Bible and the Harry Potter Series.
If I'm going to believe in God - the Bible is part of the package - I just have to figure out how it plays into things.
And right now - the pieces I'm holding onto are the pieces about Jesus. How He lived, how He treated others, and what He taught in terms of living life to the fullest.
Aside from that - I'm just open - and learning new things every day.
It's a strange place to be - almost like a child experiencing the world for the first time. Free from the guardrails that were imposed on me for 40+ years.
I called this chapter "Living Differently" because that's my reality.
I'm living differently from the way I was raised. And I'm living differently from they way I thought I was supposed to live back in my 30s and 40s.
That doesn't mean I've thrown out all of the morals and values I learned along the way. It just means I'm looking for meaning within those morals and values.
I'm looking for the path Jesus called us to - and not the multiple paths the modern church is running down.
So it's all new for me. And for my family.
Tammy is on her own journey. The kids have had to deal with the fact that we raised them in church - and now we aren't very involved.
It's a different day - a different world out there.
But we're making it - and I'm not pessimistic about the future.
Let's Land the Plane:
This week - ask yourself these questions:
Have you been part of an actual/identified cult?
If so how did you get out?
Or are you trying to get out?
There are resources listed in the show notes if this is something you're looking for
When you listened to the BITE Model and the things that are part of Authoritarian Control:
Can you see those at work in your religion?
Or even in groups of people you are part of?
Are you at a point where you want to Live Differently?
If so - what does that mean?
What are steps you could take to move away from Authoritarian Control
And into a more inclusive community that values you, and your contribution to the world
I think that should wrap things up. Like I said at the top - the episode next week is loosely connected to this one.
But after that all bets are off! New topics, additional content from Tammy and I on our fostering journey. The sky's the limit.
Thanks again for joining me on the journey. Hope you are well, and that you are living your best life.
Have a great week, and keep Transcending Human!