November 28, 2022

Minute of Transparency: Get your turkey on...

What did Thanksgiving look like for you growing up?

Today's Topic: Transcending Thanksgiving

1. More than just thanks

2. More than just giving

3. More like a lifestyle

// 1. MORE THAN JUST THANKS

So I don't think I've done an episode specifically on Thanksgiving - or being thankful in general...

2020: Transcending Personality
2021: Transcending Good

Not sure what I was thinking then - but it obviously wasn't about Thanksgiving - or being thankful...

So this year I decided to the obvious topic.

Not because it's Thanksgiving. But because I actually felt thankful last week - even before Thanksgiving hit.

I talked about it a little on TikTok.

How I had this moment of intense gratefulness.

Mainly for Tammy - and the fact that she has stuck by me all these years.

But also for the life I've been able to live. The people I've met, the places I've lived and visited, and the things I've been able to experience.

So that's the real reason for this episode. It just happens to be Thanksgiving - so it worked out well.

But let's start with the "thanks" part of "Thanksgiving."

This holiday season attempts to manufacture it on some level - right?

• It's Thanksgiving - therefore you should be thankful

• Like it's that easy...

• Like I said - in 2020 and 2021 I don't think I was that thankful!

• We were knee deep in COVID, social unrest and political chaos

• And for me - it just didn't lend itself to me being very thankful

• Now I know - I could have been an optimist - and viewed all of the good things in my life as more important than the negative things - and therefore been thankful

• But for some reason it didn't work for me that way...

• I got sucked into the reality of the situation - the negativity, and the very real possibility that our society was melting down

And this is why Thanksgiving can't create thankfulness. We have to create it for ourselves.

And this year my eyes were open enough to realize that.

I was able to shut out the noise from the world around me and focus long enough to see how thankful I really should be.

So here is a list of the things I am thankful for this year:

1. My Creator:

   • I know. I know. Everyone who wins an award at an award show stands up and thanks God first - and we often poke fun at them on some level

   • But as long as they're being sincere - it's for good reason

   • As Christians - we have to admit that the only reason we're on this planet and still breathing is because God exists - and wants nothing more than to be reunited with us someday

   • I know we get all caught up in the happenings of the world, and in our own little stories we're writing. But at the end of the day - there is only one story that matters. I refer to it as Controversy Theory - and it grounds me when I get a little of track

   • The other reason I need to thank God - is for your benefit - those who have listened to the podcast for some time now

   • Because I spent a fair amount of time talking about deconstruction this year

   • And after a while you may have been tempted to say, "This guy is out - he's giving up on Christianity for sure."

   • But that isn't the case. Yes - I've struggled a lot with traditional, legalistic religious traditions. I've all but given up on the non-denominational mega church movement. And it's been REALLY hard for me to trust church enough to begin attending again

   • But none of those things have impacted my belief in My Creator

   • My faith is as strong today as it was before this whole deconstruction thing started

   • And I don't intend for that to change

2. Tammy:

   • My partner in crime

   • The one willing to put up with me on this crazy journey through life

   • I'm thankful that she loved me enough to stick it out during my drinking years

   • I'm thankful that she calls me out on my crap - because who else will?

   • I'm thankful for her personality - the adventurous Enneagram 7 to my stick in the mud Enneagram 1

   • The extrovert to my introvertedness

   • And the holiday cheer to my bah humbug

   • She does way more than she gets credit for

   • And she is always there for her family

   • Including the laundry list of kids who have come in and out of our home as friends of our kids, or because they needed a place to stay

   • From the kiddos through Safe Families to the 5 year old we have right now through the Foster System

   • I love that she loves the way she does

   • It's in her DNA and I get to watch her in action every day

3. My Family:

   • Starting with our three biological kids

   • I can't thank God enough for letting us play a small part in their stories

   • Our oldest is graduating from college and looking at Law Schools

   • Our middle child is in NYC studying Musical Theater

   • And our youngest is finishing up high school here in Irvine, CA

   • They are such fun humans to be around

   • I love the way they love each other

   • And I love that they love others the way Tammy does

   • Combined - the three of them have taught me more about the world, about humanity and about inclusivity than I would ever have learned on my own

4. Extended Family:

   • I'm so thankful for my parents - and the way they raised me

   • Yes - some of that was highly religious and legalistic - things I have deconstructed in my own life

   • But I don't blame them. I don't view their parenting as abusive or inappropriate

   • They were simply parenting us the way they believed was right given the information they had

   • In fact, I know that I probably fell into similar behavior with my own kids

   • I have to be careful NOT to think that I'm the enlightened one

   • Because if you interview my kids today - they'll tell you a similar story

   • There were things Tammy and I did that they've deconstructed - things that they had to unlearn

   • It's the cycle of life

   • Then there's my brother and sister

   • Unfortunately we are chips off the old block when it comes to staying connected

   • We can be in a room together and talk for hours

   • But then go a year without a phone call

   • I know - we're still trying to figure out where that came from...

   • And then there are the In-laws

   • Tammy's dad and brother and their families

   • So glad I got to spend so many years with them

   • Living in CA has made it hard to stay connected - but we make trips back every now and then which helps

5. Friends:

   • Tammy has numerous friends

   • I have a select few

   • At least in CA

   • In the 6 years that we've been here I have been pretty closed off to meeting new people

   • I just go about my business and get stuff done

   • But Tammy has made a lot of connections - and luckily has pulled me out of the cave from time to time in order for me to meet some really great people

   • We have a handful that we spend time with and it makes life a little richer

   • We also have our friends in Indiana - and any time we can spend with them is icing on the cake

6. Cars:

   • Which is funny to hear coming out of my mouth

   • Because I've never been a car guy

   • I grew up driving my parents cars

   • And didn't even buy my own until I got married

   • I had three motorcycles - which must have scratched my itch for speed

   • But two things happened here in CA:

     • My wife "forced" my to buy a Jeep - tell story

     • Tyler purchased a 1992 Mazda Miata - tell story

   • At one point, when the kids started driving, I bought a Toyota Camry Sport

   • But just when I was starting to enjoy driving again, it was taken away from me :)

   • Between the Jeep and the Miata - I came to love cars in a whole new way

   • The Jeep is a whole thing - a thing you'll never understand unless you own one

   • The Miata is just fun all together. Watching Tyler take care of it, and dress it up over the holidays. And even helping him at times on little projects

   • So yes - I'm thankful for the cars in my life

7. Sports:

   • I'm sure everyone has their thing

   • Some people love movies

   • Other people love music

   • I love sports - and I'm thankful for the role it has played throughout my life:

     • For starters - I grew up watching the NHL and NFL with my dad. Great memories - ones I'll never forget

     • Next - my dad teaching us how to ice skate. At public ice skating facilities, on ponds in Wyoming and even in the back yard on a small ice rink he build from scratch

     • As a kid I played baseball from the time I could pick up a bat to around 16

     • In high school I played every sport available

     • In college I did the same - and supplemented with running and working out

     • In college and shortly after it was the years of non-traditional sports: Snowboarding, camping, hiking and rock climbing

     • Later - I convinced a group of guys to get SCUBA certified so we could explore the ocean together

     • At this time our kids were in travel soccer, hockey and baseball

     • Rachel was in dance, theater and acting

     • They continued these pursuits into high school

     • And just a few weeks ago Tyler hung up the football cleats for the last time

     • Luckily he still has a season of high school volleyball

     • But when that's done - it will be all over watching our kids play sports

     • And throughout life I've kept up with the NHL and NFL as much as possible 

     • So where am I at today? Probably enjoying sports on my couch

     • I am much more sedentary at this point in my life - however - I still long to explore, climb mountains and be out there

8. The United States:

   • Again - It's strange hearing myself say that

   • After all of the issues we've faced the past few years

   • The political polarization

   • The “ReTrumplican Party” and the damage it did to our democracy

   • But through it all - I can't deny the potential our country has

   • Yes - we've made mistakes - terrible mistakes

   • But I think you're going to have that no matter where you go

   • My parents came from Canada - another country that enjoys freedom, peace and is pretty inclusive

   • But they're still here - living in the USA

   • Why? Because it's a great place to live

   • At this point we have to own the fact that the future of the country is on us

   • We need to take an active role in making it better

   • In helping it reach it's full potential

   • And we can do that in two ways:

     1. By being a good citizen. Living a life that uplifts others and strengthens our communities

     2. By voting. Putting politicians in place who will uphold the Constitution and the freedoms it provides

9. California:

   • Not because of the politics

   • Not because of the standard of living

   • Not because of the numerous taxes that decrease your earning potential

   • It's because of the climate. If you know - you know

   • There is just something amazing about the coastal climate hitting a desert climate

   • Cold ocean water with fairly warm to hot temperatures

   • I believe it's called "Sub-tropical"

   • Temperature range between the high 60s and the low 80s

   • Just enough rain to keep us honest

   • Low humidity

   • Very few bugs

   • And that's just the start

   • You can head to the mountains in the morning and go snowboarding, then back to the beach to surf at night. And everything in between

   • You have LA, San Diego, Palm Springs and all the coastal communities

   • Vegas is a 4h drive - if you're into that sort of thing

   • Tammy and I joke that we've been ruined - living anywhere else at this point is going to require concessions

10. Transcend Human:

    1. And the TH Podcast

    2. This has literally helped me through three very difficult years

    3. It's allowed me to get stuff in my brain out into the world

    4. An outlet for so many things

    5. I'm thankful for the family members who jumped in and did episodes with me

    6. I'm thankful for you - the listeners - and the feedback you provide

    7. And I'm thankful for the future - and all the things this podcast could become in the years ahead

// 2. MORE THAN JUST GIVING

Just as Thanksgiving is more than just "thanks" it's also more than just "giving."

On the actual day of Thanksgiving - we give in various ways:

• If you have people over - you're giving of your time and resources

• People often serve on or around Thanksgiving. Helping out at a food pantry, or homeless shelter

• And then there is direct giving - donations. Tis the season to give. In fact it's become a national event called Giving Tuesday - this year it's on November 29 - which is tomorrow for those of you wondering 🙂

So it's obvious that giving is also part of the Thanksgiving Season.

// 3. MORE LIKE A LIFESTYLE

So we've talked about being "thankful" and we've talked about "giving."

Two things we do during the Thanksgiving Holidays.

But what about the rest of the year?

Now before you get irritated with me - just know that I'm talking to myself.

It's in my nature to sit home and just exist. Which means I'm not really giving back to people, or my community.

So this is for me as much as it is for you.

What I'm wrestling with is the idea of being thankful, and giving back all year long. Rather than saving it all up for Turkey Day.

So what would it look like to step up our thankfulness and our giving this year?

When it comes to being thankful - at least for me - there needs to be a mechanism - a routine of some sort to keep me thinking with that mindset.

I went to a couples conference one time and the speaker suggested we keep a journal of all the positive things our spouse did during the week.

For quite a while I kept this journal up. I would see it in my backpack and it would jog my memory. I would open it and add another line or two with positive things I saw in Tammy.

I feel like it fell through the cracks when COVID hit and I was no longer taking my backpack to work. I probably need to look for that little thing and keep it somewhere I can see it throughout the week...

My guess is that being thankful might require a similar routine. Maybe a journal? Maybe a small book by the bed at night? Maybe a sticky note on your computer that simply says, "Thankful much?"

Or maybe a calendar entry each week that pops up on your phone saying, "Stop and be thankful for 15m."

I need to find something that works for me - and you should find something that works for you.

When it comes to giving, I feel like Tammy and I took a pretty big step in that direction when we decided to become a Resource Family:

• It may not be giving financially

• But it definitely requires that you give your time and attention to something other than yourself

It's been a journey to be sure. One that Tammy and I talk about in the Transcending Stories Series here on the podcast.

We did our first episode a few weeks ago - and are working on the second one as we speak.

You can check that out if you're interested in Fostering, or if you just want to follow us on the journey.

Now just because Tammy and I are giving back this way doesn't mean we're done. I feel like it's a good start. But there are always things we can do to give back - to serve others - even if small ways.

So what does this look like for you?

Is there something small you could start doing after the traditional giving season is over? Something you can keep up throughout the entire year?

Let's Land the Plane:

First and foremost, I hope you had a great Thanksgiving.

Second, I hope this episode resonates with you on some level.

That you want to be thankful all year long. And that your heart is to be a giving person throughout the year as well.

We're all in this together. So I'll hold you accountable as long as you do the same for me!

Take a few minutes this week to come up with a plan of attack. And let me know if you have a breakthrough that might help others.

I'd love to hear your story and share it with your consent.

Thanks for being here this morning, have a great Holiday Season, and as always - keep Transcending Human!

References:

• None today!