CDT06 | Understanding Our Locus of Control & ETOTO

February 14, 2022 Daryl McMullen

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CDT06 | Understanding Our Locus of Control & ETOTO Daryl McMullen

Date: February 14, 2022

Welcome back to the podcast - more specifically the Conscience Driven Therapy Series.

A quick review on the structure of the series:

Conscience Driven Therapy

Learning to Transcend the Human Condition

PART I: THINGS WE CANNOT CONTROL

Chapter 1: A Lot of Things Came Before Us

Chapter 2: We Were Sent In a Specific Direction

Chapter 3: There Were Landmines & Minefields Along the Way

PART II: THINGS WE CAN CONTROL

Chapter 4: The First Step Toward Health & Healing

Chapter 5: Hold on to the Good - Release the Bad

Chapter 6: Locus of Control & ETOTO

Chapter 7: Understanding the Battle

Chapter 8: Knowing Is Half the Battle

Chapter 9: Transcend Human

Chapter 10: Becoming a CDT Ambassador

Minute of Transparency: Learning to drive...

Illustrates these 3 Life Truths:

LIFE TRUTH #1: There are things we can learn, practice, prepare for and execute perfectly
- Example: On a deserted road you can do a three point turn flawlessly
LIFE TRUTH #2: There are things outside our control that our practice can help us quickly respond to
- Example: During that three point turn we realize a car has just pulled onto the street, so we stop midway through our turns in order to let them go past
LIFE TRUTH #3: There are things no amount of practice will prepare us for
- Example: During that three point turn a drunk driver going 90mph comes down the road and crashes into the back or our car

Today: Chapter 6: Understanding Our Locus of Control

Defining locus of control
Things we cannot control
Things we can control
ETOTO
Common struggles

// 1. DEFINING OUR LOCUS OF CONTROL

In this series we've talked a LOT about the things we CAN and CANNOT control. In fact, some of you may be getting sick and tired of the repetition.

But we're hammering away on this for a reason.

Because a HUGE percentage of the problems we face in life - things we deem as mental health issues - stem from faulty thinking. And on some level - us not being able to tell the difference between the things we CAN and CANNOT control.

This week we're adding a slight wrinkle to the mix. We're adding a new vocabulary word, or key term in order to flesh it out a bit better.

This new term, or phrase is: "Locus of control."

According to VeryWellMind.com:

"Locus of control refers to the extent to which people feel that they have control over the events that influence their lives. When you are dealing with a challenge in your life, do you feel that you have control over the outcome? Or do you believe that you are simply at the hands of outside forces?"

Pretty good definition...

Basically - our locus of control isn't the actual control we have in a situation...it's the perceived control - the control we think we have in the situation.

Now I know - you might feel like I'm splitting hairs on this. "Why do we have to go down this road?"

Well - it's an important distinction because the impact on our lives is HUGE!

It's kind of like the frog in the boiling water scenario:

If you throw the frog in a boiling pot of water it will immediately jump out
If you throw a frog into a cold pot of water and turn on the heat it will sit there until it cooks to death

The frog in boiling water is a good example of a person with an internal locus of control - they know it is up to them to decide what to do so they jump out of the pot

The frog in cold water is a good example of a person with an external locus of control - they believe they have no options so they sit in the pot until it's too late

The article goes on to explain these two options:

An internal locus of control means we believe, or perceive that we have it within us to determine the course of our lives
Versus an external locus of control where we believe, or perceive that we have little control - and that outside forces determine our future

The article also makes it clear that we aren't 100% one or the other...in fact we all live on the continuum that fluctuates back and forth between the two.

But this is important - because where we fall between the two extremes will determine our thinking and our behaving on some level.

Again from the article:

If we have a strong internal locus of control:

More likely to take responsibility for our actions
Less influenced by other people
Have a strong sense of self-efficacy
Tend to work hard to get things in life
Typically confident when challenged
Tend to be physically healthier
Tend to be happier
Tend to be more independent
Tend to be more successful

If we have a strong external locus of control:

Tend to blame others for everything
Believe good things happen due to luck
Don't believe we can change our situation in life
Feel powerless and hopeless when challenged
Can fall into what's called "learned helplessness"

So you can see how important this really is. The article goes on to explain that the locus of control concept is typically followed with conversations about:

Self Determination
Personal Agency

Because our perceived level of control will have a direct impact on how we think and how we act - the way we view and charge into the future.

If you have time - and want to do an interactive online quiz, I'll put a link to one in the show notes.

It's a simple Locus of Control Assessment from MindTools.com

Now this is in no way a valid clinical assessment
But might be fun in helping you see which direction you tend toward
https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newCDV_90.htm

// 2. THINGS WE CANNOT CONTROL

So we aren't going to spend a lot of time here. Because we addressed this in Chapters 1-3.

But since our entire topic today centers around control - it might be a good idea to just back up and remind ourselves what was on that list...

In Chapter 1 we spent an entire episode looking at the umbrella if you will... The highest level, the overarching things we have no control over.

The Controversy:
- The battle that exists between God and Satan
- The battle taking place over this little planet and it's inhabitants
- We have no say in this - it simply exists
The Sin Virus:
- When we listened to Satan and decided to trust his lies over the instructions of our Creator
- This thing called the Sin Virus entered our perfect little world
- And as we've discussed - it's like COVID on steroids
- 100% infection rate, and 100% mortality rate
- In other words everyone has it, and everyone will die from it
- And not just living beings like humans, animals, fish and birds
- The environment itself - the natural world was infected
- And is on a similar downward spiral
- Nothing gets a free pass from the Sin Virus
And because of these two realities we all experience The Human Condition:
- Life as we know it here on planet Earth
- Our life journey - including the medical and mental health issues we experience along the way
- The good and the bad
- The randomness and the chaos
- Love and hate
- Peace and war
- Sickness and health
- All trending toward the negative based on these three constants:
  - Human Nature: Our bent toward doing the wrong thing vs. the right thing
  - Human Suffering: The pain we experience due to our bad choices, the bad choices of others, medical problems and the effects of a chaotic natural world
  - Human Disturbance: The mental health issues we face due to the effects of the Controversy and the Sin Virus
And finally, we talked about our own DNA:
- The fact that the Sin Virus, along with medical and mental health issues are passed down to us when we are born
- And there is nothing we can do about it
- We simple sit at the bottom of a steep hill - waiting for the DNA mudslide to hit us
- And when it does - we're left with the fallout
- Dealing with the issues in our own life - for the rest of our life

Next, in Chapter 2 we went a bit deeper:

The episode was called, "We were sent in a specific direction"
And we talked about the following buckets from our past:
- People:
  - Parents, immediate family, siblings
  - Extended family, friends and acquaintances
  - Important influencers - people like teachers, coaches, etc.
  - Random interactions with people we didn't even know
- Places:
  - Where we grew up
  - The school we attended
  - The city we lived in, the state, the country, the region of the world
  - The cultural vibe we were part of
- Things:
  - Events
  - Incidents
  - Phases
  - Things we were exposed to
  - Cultural anomalies
  - The religious or political climate
  - The socioeconomic level we experienced
  - The level of trauma we saw or experienced
- So again - important that we understand:
  - All of these things: The People, Places and Things occurred in the past
  - And because of this - we have no control over them
  - They happened - and they had an impact on us in some way, shape or form
  - But the only thing we can do now is determine our response to them - how we will choose to think about them in the future

And finally, in Chapter 3 we took it one step further and discussed some very specific Landmines & Minefields we experienced along the way:

Now both of these are wrapped up in People, Places and Things
But these are incidents, or groups of incidents that stand out because of their impact on us:
- Landmines:
  - Poor decisions we made in the past:
    - Things we did to hurt other people
    - Things that were dangerous or illegal
    - Things we did that harmed ourselves or our families
  - Things that were done to us:
    - Incidents of physical, sexual or emotional abuse
    - Rape
    - Being fired unexpectedly
  - Things that just happened:
    - Severe car accidents
    - Experiencing a natural disaster
    - A serious medical injury or illness
- Minefields:
  - Similar to Landmines: There are Minefields that were out of our control:
    - Example: A caregiver neglecting us for years when growing up
  - And then Minefields we helped create:
    - Example: Addictions we got involved in, or periods of uncontrolled anger, etc.
- And again, the reason why these things are out of our control is that they occurred in the past
- However, it's important to understand the impact these things had on us in the past - and recognize if they are still effecting us in the present
- And once we know that - to understand that the only thing we can control is our thinking and behaving moving forward

// 3. THINGS WE CAN CONTROL

So in Chapter 4 we made the transition into the things we DO have control over.

We talked about the first things we have control over - and how important these steps are:

Voting in the Eternal Election
Accepting the Antidote to the Sin Virus
Understanding our Value

First, Voting in the Eternal Election:

Like we talked about - The Controversy exists whether we like it or not
It is something we CANNOT control
However - when we come to understand that the battle is over us - for our allegiance
We begin to see the thing we DO control - which is the side we choose to be on
It's our Vote in the Eternal Election between God and Satan

Next, is Accepting the Antidote to the Sin Virus:

Again - we don't get to control the existence of the Sin Virus
But we do get to choose whether or not we accept the Antidote
We get to choose if we want the free gift God is offering us or not
Now this is tied directly to our vote in the Eternal Election
Because we show how we've voted when we accept this free gift
In essence - accepting the Antidote to the Sin Virus is our vote for God in the Eternal Election
Choosing not to accept God's gift is choosing Satan over God - thereby voting for him

And finally, we are able to Understand Our Value:

We have control over how we choose to look at ourself
This isn't always easy - but it is our choice
Our pasts may scream things at us that make it hard to believe
But we have the ability to look through these things and see our true value
Not because of who we are, or what we do, or how talented we are
But simply because we're children of God
Because He created us, and loves us no matter what
Like I said - this is one of the hardest things to do
To believe in ourselves - to believe that we matter, and have value
But when we start to see ourselves in this way - everything changes

Then last week in Chapter 5 called, "Hold on to the Good - Release the Bad" we talked about our world view:

The idea that we all have Assets & Strengths
And we all have Landmines & Minefields
We worked through these on paper - doing a ruthless inventory of the things that fall into each of these categories
Then we finished up by talking about Reframing Our World View
Another thing we DO have control over
A choice we can make as to the way we want to live
And how we want to view our future:
- Either focusing on Landmines & Minefields from the past
- Or choosing to focus on the present and the future based on our Assets & Strengths

// 4. ETOTO

So that brings us to today!

Another step in the right direction - understanding the things we CAN control.

When we look back over the things listed above - we should be able to see a pattern emerging...

Each of the things we DO have control over starts in the mind:

It's our brains that are doing the work
It's our thinking that is involved
And it all comes down to that little thing we call Freedom of Choice
This is our tool - our weapon in the battle between God and Satan
You could almost look at it as our super power - the one thing that Satan can't overcome:
- He can do everything he's allowed to do to harm us physically
- He can get people under his influence to do bad things in the world
- He can create distractions and experiences in the world to keep us off track
- And he can work as hard as he can to destroy the physical world we live in
But the mind is something he CANNOT control
He can influence it - to be sure - we call this temptation (and we'll spend a big chunk of time on this next week)
But at the end of the day we are in control of our destiny - because our minds are under our control

So let's spend a few minutes on this "Control Muscle" if you will.

But before we do - let's go back over two very important things we've talked about:

Deciding what we CAN and CANNOT control:
- This is HUGE - and will be a big part of CDT moving forward
- Once we have a solid list of these things we need to make sure:
  - We respond to, or think rationally about the things we CANNOT control
  - We need to double down on the things we CAN control
Next, we just introduced the concept of Locus of Control:
- Similar, but different
- Once we have the list from above - the list of things that we CAN control - we still have two ways we can view that list:
  1. Internal locus of control: Suggests we have the power to make decisions in those areas
  2. External locus of control: Suggests we don't have the power to influence these things

So you can see just how important it is to:

Determine what we have control over
And to develop a strong Internal Locus of Control - so we believe we have the power to impact those things in the future

Okay - now that we have that foundation to build on - let's talk about real life, everyday decisions we get to make:

Decisions about how we respond to things outside our control
And what it means to make good decisions on the things we can control

Typically these decisions come out of the blue:

Environmental stimuli
Relational stimuli
Political stimuli
Religious stimuli
and this list goes on...

These events or situations come up, and we get to decide how we respond to them. So let's look at two examples - one we CANNOT control, and one we CAN:

Starting with a situation we CANNOT control:
- So let's say you're walking through your day, when someone innocently brings up something you did 10 years ago
- It was something that you wish never happened
- It was an embarrassing situation and you wish it could just disappear all together
- For the rest of the day you are sad, depressed and feel worthless
- Now, because this happened in the past - you have no control over it
- All you can control is your response to it
  - You can allow the feelings to become overwhelming - and lead to more negative thoughts and behaviors
  - Or you can process it rationally, and begin to climb out of the funk you find yourself in
Next, let's talk about a situation where we CAN control the outcome:
- Let's say you work in an office with a lot of beautiful people
- But you're married - so the fact that there are beautiful people around you can only go so far
- But one day you notice that a co-worker seems to have taken an interest in you
- They have started to talk to you more often, and even asked if you would join them after work for drinks
- Now, this is a situation you have 100% control over:
  - At this point nothing has happened
  - It's up to you how you choose to think and behave moving forward
  - You could split hairs and say that the attention you're being shown is out of your control - and that would be true
  - However, it isn't the attention that is the problem - it's the event that could occur in the future that is the problem
  - And that all depends on you

And like we've been talking about - the way we respond to stimuli from our environment begins as a function of our mind - our thinking is very important.

And yet, this is also where problems begin...

Because we don't always think correctly. We don't always think clearly. And most importantly - we don't always think rationally...

There are many reasons for this...

According to Mason Komay at betterhelp.com
And staff writers at psychcentral.com
- Emotional distress is one of the biggest culprits. When we allow volatile emotions too much room in our lives - it can be very difficult to think rationally
  - This is why we hear phrases like:
    - "You can't trust your emotions"
    - "Sleep on it"
    - "Go away and think about it"
    - "Take a minute or two before you respond"
    - "Count to 10"
  - The truth behind these phrases is that our emotions can get the best of us
  - When we're highly emotional, we don't think as clearly as we should
  - So allowing our emotions to control our behavior is dangerous at best
  - What we need to do is allow these emotions to calm themselves a bit, then allow our thinking to kick in
  - And the plan is for our thinking to bring a certain level of objectivity
- Aside from being highly emotional, there are also these things called Cognitive Distortions that can get the better of us
- These are a big focus of Cognitive Behavioral Therapists:
  - These are forms of thinking that are not based in reality - not factual - things like:
    - filtering
    - polarization
    - overgeneralization
    - discounting the positive
    - jumping to conclusions
    - catastrophizing
    - personalization
    - control fallacies
    - fallacy of fairness
    - blaming
    - shoulds/musts
    - emotional reasoning
    - fallacy of change
    - global labeling
    - always being right
  - Now we don't have time to go into each one of these - but you can see that there are many bad habits we can fall into when it comes to our thinking...
  - Each of these cognitive distortions can be described, we could give examples of each and we could develop a plan of attack for how to combat them
  - But for now - let's just leave them in a list
  - If we want to go deeper on this topic, just do a quick Google search for "cognitive distortions" and go to town!

Okay - so how do we work toward more rational thinking in normal, everyday situations?

Glad you asked!

We're going to look at this issue from the following viewpoints:

The psychological solution to the problem
The spiritual solution to the problem
The combined solution to the problem

FIRST UP: The psychological solution:

As I've said - I'm a huge fan of the therapeutic treatment modalities that focus on your thinking...

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT)

Both attack problems in a similar way. So let's walk through the steps in each model:

First - both approaches seem to agree on the basic ABC Model:

A-ctivating Events
B-eliefs
C-onsequences

Now in CBT - this is all you need. They simply split it out into two versions of the ABCs based on the beliefs you have.

So you have the following sets:

Now let's look at the REBT version.

In the ABC Model - the solution is inferred.

But the ABCDE Model from REBT spells out the solution as part of the equation.

So let's walk through that:

A-ctivating Event
B-eliefs about the event
C-onsequences
D-isputation. Disputing the irrational beliefs you have
E-ffective new beliefs - rational ones that replace the old, irrational ones

I lean toward the REBT Model simply because I love that the solution is part of the equation.

It's all spelled out for us. Step by step...

Now we could spend hours on this - as it's the backbone of the cognitive therapy revolution.

But since we're limited on time - let's walk through a simple illustration using each model.

ABCs of CBT:

Now - in this scenario - you've identified everything you need to identify - so the next logical next step is to work through your beliefs and decide whether or not they are rational.

ABCDEs of REBT:

Let's start with the same scenario.

A: You are fired from your job
B: You believe losing a job is the end of the world - the worst thing that could possibly happen
C: You feel dread, fear and an unhealthy level of anger and anxiety that is paralyzing
D: You talk through your beliefs and realize there is no proof that losing a job is the end of the world. You learn that thousands of people lose jobs every day and then find new ones
E: You determine a new set of beliefs which include: Losing a job is unexpected. And it isn't a fun experience. But it is not the end of the world. People change jobs every day. You will find something else to do

And if you worked through D and E sincerely - that should impact C:

The old consequences were fear, anger and anxiety
The new consequences should be things like nervousness, sadness and concern
Now let's not gloss over this important fact:
- Notice that both sets of consequences are negative
- In walking through these steps - it's not like we're going to turn losing a job into a fun experience that produces happiness!
- But the new, rational beliefs will decrease the severity of the consequences and keep them from paralyzing you
- You will still be in a difficult situation, but you will be in a better place - one where you can act on the concern you feel
- And this action will begin the process of finding the next right thing for you

Before we leave this section there are a couple other things to discuss. Things that the cognitive therapies have taught us:

Not only did they give us the Cognitive Triangle - or the ABC model we talked about above
But they also gave is the following concepts:
The Cognitive Triad:
- Negative view of your self
- Negative view of the world
- Negative view of your future
- If we fall into this trap - it is very difficult to move forward
- This is a world view with a highly External Locus of Control
- Not only do we view ourselves negatively, but all we can see are negative things happening now and in the future
Negative Self-Schemas:
- "A set of beliefs and expectations that are highly negative and/or pessimistic."
- Very similar to the Cognitive Triad. You can see the problem here right?
- If we lean too far in this direction - our thinking is almost forced to be irrational
- We start functioning in a state of learned helplessness where all we can see is the worst possible outcome
- But this world view is almost always based on irrational thinking, and fictitious information

Now before we leave this section it's important to explain one thing:

If you choose the psychological solution and go see a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist
They aren't going to spend 100% of every session doing the ABCs with you
That's a big part of it - but fairly quickly you as the client should start learning to do that for yourself
Once this is clicking along - there are many other tools the therapist might use
Including changes to negative behavior patterns, and incorporating more positive behaviors into your routine

NEXT UP: We have the spiritual solution:

This shouldn't take long to explain...

For the Christian - there are many things we can do "access" or "leverage" the power that exists in the spiritual realm.

We usually refer to these as "Spiritual Disciplines." And everyone seems to have their own list of these.

Just do a quick Google search on "spiritual disciplines list" and you'll see what I mean.

So I randomly picked a Zondervan article that suggests there are 20 Spiritual Disciplines:

I'm not going to list all of them - but here are some of the more traditional ones:
- Prayer
- Bible Study
- Meditation
- Worship
- Service
- Stewardship (Giving)
And then there were a few others that I think would be helpful in this conversation:
- Things like:
  - Silence
  - Solitude
  - Simplicity

Growing up in a Christian home, and going to church taught me that these were the solutions to life's problems.

Just do more of the Spiritual Disciplines and you'll be fine - happy in fact!

But was I really? No. Not really...in fact I struggled with happiness no matter how religious I tried to be...

LAST BUT NOT LEAST: We have the combined solution:

So this is where I find myself after 50 years on planet Earth.

And this is what Conscience Driven Therapy suggests is the most effective way to achieve health and wellness over time.

We'll just call it the combined approach:

One that draws on the spiritual connection we have to our Creator (Spiritual)
And one that suggests we use the cognitive strengths He gave us well (Psychological)

In this approach - here are the most important elements of our Spiritual Connection:

Foundational knowledge from The Bible:
- An understanding of Absolute Truth
- Answering the Big 3 Questions
- Understanding what the "scratch" is all about
- Understanding that there are much bigger things at work in the universe
- The Bible is also an integral part of the disputation process - which we'll talk more about later
Prayer:
- Our lifeline to our Creator - the ability to connect directly with Him
The Conscience:
- Internal radar or sonar that helps us make good decisions and "do the right thing" in difficult situations
- We'll spend a lot more time on this in future episodes as well
And then you have the rest of the Spiritual Disciplines:
- Different ones for different people based on their personality types:
  - For example - for some people Solitude sounds amazing - and they probably wish they could engage with it more often
  - For others Solitude is a form of punishment - and being away from people would not work for them
So there are primary ways we connect with our Spirituality and there are secondary ways

That said, let's move to the second piece of the puzzle - the Psychological side of the equation.

Now I'm not saying that the Spiritual side is all God, and the Psychological is all us. That's the way the world wants to view it. And why I had so many issues early on - trying to fit myself into one box or the other...and not allowing the two to work in tandem...

A traditional therapist might say, "That's fine that you are a religious person and believe in God - but let's put that on the back burner for now. We need to focus on you, and your thinking - because you have everything inside of you to be a healthier person. Then once you are healthy - if you still want to dabble with the religious stuff - that's fine."

And a Christian Counselor might say things like, "Let's not focus on the pop psychology stuff right now. We really need to work on our spiritual disciplines first, and get things straightened out there. Then if you want to read a few self help books in the future - that's fine."

Now I'll admit - those were very one-sided, and stereotypical statements. And not every clinician on each side would say those things to their clients.

But from my training, and the work experience I was part of - this sentiment did exist on some level. And it seemed pretty ingrained in the counseling culture.

Especially the phrase, "You have everything you need within you to be a healthier person." This is humanism in a nutshell. And most traditional, psychological theories are based in humanism.

So Conscience Driven Therapy comes along and says, "No - there is no separation between your spirituality and the psychological struggles you experience."

There is complete overlap and integration:

Without the spiritual - there would be no human, no person and no psychological element
And without the psychological element God created within us - creating us in His likeness with freedom of choice - there would be no reason for the spiritual element

The two are interwoven, and any attempt to separate them leads to less successful attempts at being healthy, and whole.

Now if this is true - you would expect to find references in the Bible about our thinking right?

The Operating Manual for the Human Being? How to operate the mind? Best practices for the use of the brain?

I don't want to get bogged down here - but let's at least walk through a few:

Proverbs 23:7

"As someone thinks within himself, so he is."
Concept: Freedom of choice, Self determination

Deuteronomy 30:19

"Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live!"
Concept: Freedom of choice, Self determination

Psalm 139:23-24

"Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting."
Concept: Spiritual connection, prayer and the conscience

Romans 12:2

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."
Concept: Disputing irrational thinking, choosing better thoughts

Philippians 4:8

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
Concept: The power of your thoughts, you become what you think about - so think about good and rational things

Proverbs 4:26

"Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways."
Concept: The power of your thoughts, choosing rational thinking and remaining strong in your choice

1 Corinthians 2:11

"For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God."
Concept: The conscience, the spiritual connection we have with our Creator

2 Corinthians 10:5

"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."
Concept: Disputing irrational thinking, using God's Word to inform our thinking and ultimately thinking about our thinking

Okay - let's wrap up this section by touching on the treatment model Conscience Driven Therapy uses:

We walked through two common ones already:

The ABC Model used in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
And the ABCDE Model used in Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy

But what does Conscience Driven Therapy use?

Drum roll please...

We call it: The CDT Cognitive Reframing Workflow

I know! Long name...and we probably need to figure that out at some point. Doesn't really roll off the tongue like the ABCs of CBT...

But we'll get there.

So this Cognitive Reframing Workflow is going to feel very familiar - but will have some additions based on the fact that CDT has the spiritual component.

Instead of the ABC's or the ABCDEs we have ETOTO...

I know - doesn't really roll off the tongue either...

But that's what we're going with for now - and who knows - in the future we may tweak it to the point where it has a super cool name and will be much easier to remember.

But for now - ETOTO and the ETOTO Worksheet

So let's walk through it high level. But just know - there will be a full CDT Cognitive Reframing Workflow worksheet available on the Patreon page this week.

This tool will really be the cornerstone of CDT - the tool you should be able to use any time you're feeling down, stressed or in some way not handling the Human Condition well
And as a clinician - this is your tool to use with clients. A cognitive exercise to ensure the client is thinking correctly - thinking rationally about their pasts, situations in the present or even their perception of the future

So let's define each step in the process.

Now you'll notice that there are two "T"s and two "O"s - very observant 🙂

Each is the same - but slightly different. I think you'll get it as we walk through it.

Let's start with "E"

The "E" is nothing more than the "A" from the ABCs
It is the Event, or Activating Event is they call it
The thing that started the whole problem in the first place:
- Things like: Losing a job
- Failing at something
- Getting into an accident
- A friend saying we look like we gained a few pounds...
- etc.

Next up is the first "T"

We're going to refer to this one as the "iT"
This is our thinking about the Event
And unfortunately - these thoughts are often "irrational"
Hence the iT
And when we say they are irrational - we mean they are fueled by emotions, or that there are cognitive distortions at play

Next we have the first "O"

We're going to refer to this one as the "iO"
The "O" stands for Outcome
And the little "i" stands for Initial
The "O" takes the place of the "C" from the ABC Model
This is the Outcome, or Consequence you're experiencing
These Outcomes are typically seen in one of two ways:
- Negative emotions that are impacting your everyday functioning
- Negative behavioral responses that are not socially acceptable, or that are creating problems for you in some way

Next we have the second "T"

We're going to refer to this one as the "rT"
The little "r" stands for rational
So this is our thinking about the Event after we challenge its validity
This is the step that is inferred in the ABC process
And it is the "D" from the ABCDE process - the process of Disputation
Or disputing our irrational thinking
This is the hardest step in the process - because we're actually thinking about our thinking - and then choosing to think differently
But if we do this well - we leave this step with a solid new set of thoughts, or beliefs about the Event
Thoughts and beliefs that are factual, rational and will help us make progress

And finally, we have the second "O"

We're going to refer to this one as the "pO"
The "O" still stands for Outcome
And the little "p" stands for Preferred
So this is the Preferred Outcome - what we're hoping to achieve
Now it's important to remember that the Preferred Outcome will still be a negative thing most of the time
- Like we said above - if we lose a job unexpectedly - the goal is NOT to go from fear to happiness
- The goal here is to go from fear to a healthy level of concern
- The fear is unhealthy and can cause inaction
- Concern is a much more healthy emotion that is able to push us toward a solution

Okay - so that was the 10c Tour. Very high level, and without much detail.

If you would like to download the full worksheet - head over to the Patreon page to pick that up.

Now, like I said, the "iT" to "rT" step in the process is the big one. This is called Disputation and it's where the magic happens, but it is also the most difficult part. And at first it might require someone helping you walk through it.

Why? Because our brains are like muscles:

If we never work it out in this way - it's going to be weak
But once we have worked through the process a few times we become stronger in that area

The worksheet itself will help walk you through the "Disputation Process" - or the process of challenging our Irrational Thinking.

We won't walk through the entire thing here, but let's summarize it so you get the idea:

Conscience Driven Therapy suggests a 3 Step approach to the Disputation Process:
- Step 1: Identify the Irrational Thinking
- Step 2: Challenge (or Dispute) the Irrational Thinking
  - Spiritual Challenge
  - Cognitive Challenge
- Step 3: Document the New, Rational Thinking

If we successfully navigate this process - we should arrive at our Preferred Outcome or "pO"

As we've said a few times now - the Preferred Outcome is not happiness, joy or elation...

It's simple a more healthy version of the negative emotions and behaviors.

Walking through this worksheet will help us change our thinking, and create next steps for our situation.

When we start to get healthy - it's amazing how much more energy can put toward solutions.

And that is the real goal - moving from unhealth to health - inaction to action. Getting to the place where we are no longer stuck - but we're able to find solutions and implement them.

Before we move into our final section, one more word on the use of the CDT Cognitive Reframing Workflow or the ETOTO Process:

At the beginning - a person might print off a new sheet every time they feel overwhelmed - and work through it on paper
But after doing that for a few months maybe the paper version becomes less necessary
Maybe they keep a quick note on their phone with the steps and use that every once and a while as they walk through the process
And eventually - the process becomes so second nature - that you start doing it in your head
That's the goal!

// 5. COMMON STRUGGLES

To wrap things up today - let's look at a few of the more common decisions each of us face in life.

They aren't easy - and for most of us - using the ETOTO Worksheet might be helpful. So here are a few:

Holding Grudges vs. Offering Forgiveness
- This is HUGE - because none of us makes it through life without being hurt. By a family member, a relative, a friend, a co-worker, a boss, a company, a church - and the list goes on
- And if this is true for all of us - then the decision whether we hold a grudge, or offer forgiveness is something we will all face from time to time
- Holding a grudge holds us captive. Often - the person who wronged us doesn't even remember the incident! They don't lose sleep over it!
- So the grudge we hold is like a cancer that slowly eats us alive - and it rarely ever impacts the person who wronged us
- Forgiveness = freedom. When we forgive the person who wronged us - we aren't giving them a free pass - forgiveness is us letting go of the grudge so we are no longer held captive by the situation. This is where the freedom comes from - releasing the grudge, the anger and the intrusive thoughts that were interfering with our life and your future
Blame vs. Acceptance
- Similar to the first one - since bad things happen to everyone - we will need to recognize that in every bad situation we can do one of two things:
  - We can immediately try to place blame on someone or something
  - Or we can accept that it happened, and look for solutions
- Blame rarely fixes anything. And it definitely doesn't change anything. The bad thing happened and there is no changing that fact. So casting blame simply adds gasoline to an already roaring fire. If we're blaming another person - we will for sure put distance between us and that person. And the other thing blame does is feed our pride. If everyone else is the problem - we must be pretty special...
- Acceptance allows us to immediately begin the healing process. It allows us to be solution focused and set goals for repairing the damage. It opens the door for relationships to be restored. And finally, it keeps us humble
Shame vs. Growth
- This has everything to do with Locus of Control
- Making the decision to stop focusing on the past, or focusing on our weaknesses. And instead, focusing on the future, and the Assets & Strengths we have at our disposal
- Shame keeps us trapped in the past and keeps us from really living. It is a negative mindset and can keep us from seeing positive things in our lives
- Growth is accepting the past, learning from it and applying it to our future. Seeing the Assets & Strengths we have - and even looking around for more! All in an effort to grow as a Lifelong Learner
Attachment vs. Release
- This one gets a little existential, a little woo woo - but hear me out
- This one hits at the heart of the Spiritual side of us all
- The world has a lot to offer - aside from spirituality
- There are things: Homes, cars, TVs, phones, computers, nice clothes, etc.
- There are achievements: Power, fame, a good job, status, being an influencer on social media
- And there are good pursuits that have nothing to do with the spiritual realm: Lifelong athletes, olympians, authors, painters, scientists - all doing amazing things in the world
- But all these things can become attachments - we can become attached to them as the end all, be all in our lives
- When in the grand scheme of things - they mean very little
- How do we know? Well, if the world ended tomorrow - what would your attachment be worth? 7 gold medals from the olympics - would these help you escape the world ending? Would they help you live forever?
- Of course not. But if the world ended, and God returned to take those who accepted the Antidote to the Sin Virus home with Him...
  - See - now that would be important
  - That would be something to be attached to
- I think it's Buddhism that really champions this concept of removing attachments to worldly things and releasing them in order to maintain a connection to the spiritual side of life
- And I think there is something we can learn from that - to release the fascination we hold with worldly pursuits and keep first things first
- Ensuring that we're in a good place Spiritually
- Understanding that the Controversy is a filter we can use to determine if something should be Attached to, or Released

Okay - we really need to stop. This episode grew exponentially as I researched and wrote it this week.

So for now...let’s land the plane:

This week, ask yourself the following questions:

Are you able to distinguish between the things you CAN and CANNOT control?
On the things you CAN control - what is your "Locus of Control?"
- Do you believe you have the ability to influence those things?
- Or, do you see yourself as a pawn - just taking what the world throws at you?
Download the ETOTO Worksheet and give it a try!
- Pick a very difficult situation or event and work through the process on paper
- How did you do?
- Were you able to identify faulty thinking?
- Were you able to dispute the faulty thinking from a spiritual or cognitive standpoint?
- And what were the new, rational thoughts and beliefs you came up with?
Finally, how are you doing on some of the common decision areas?
- Holding Grudges vs. Offering Forgiveness
- Blame vs. Acceptance
- Shame vs. Growth
- Attachment vs. Release
- Is there something you could do this week to take a step in the right direction?

And that's it my friends!

Thank you so much for sticking it out this week. Not all of the episodes will be this long. But this content is foundational to the overall treatment model.

This was a pivotal chapter with a big action step. The ETOTO Worksheet is core to Conscience Driven Therapy - and how we make progress in life.

Hopefully it will be as invaluable to you in the future as it has been to me.

Next week we continue with: Chapter 7: CDT07 | Understanding the Battle

With that, have a great week, and as always, keep Transcending Human!

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