CDT05 | Hold on to the Good - Release the Bad

Transcend HumanConscience Driven Therapy
Written By Daryl McMullen
 
 

Date: February 7, 2022

Welcome back to the podcast - more specifically the Conscience Driven Therapy Series.

Conscience Driven Therapy

Learning to Transcend the Human Condition

PART I: THINGS WE CANNOT CONTROL

Chapter 1: A Lot of Things Came Before Us

Chapter 2: We Were Sent In a Specific Direction

Chapter 3: There Were Landmines & Minefields Along the Way

PART II: THINGS WE CAN CONTROL

Chapter 4: The First Step Toward Health & Healing

Chapter 5: Hold on to the Good - Release the Bad

Chapter 6: Locus of Control & ETOTO

Chapter 7: Understanding the Battle

Chapter 8: Knowing Is Half the Battle

Chapter 9: Transcend Human

Chapter 10: Becoming a CDT Ambassador

Minute of Transparency: Letting go is harder than it sounds

  • Example 1: Super Bowl XLVIII (48)

  • Enter Example 2: Losing My Job

Chapter 5: Hold on to the Good - Release the Bad

  1. Listing your Assets & Strengths

  2. Listing your Landmines & Minefields

  3. Reframing our World View

// 1. LISTING YOUR ASSETS & STRENGTHS

So in the Minute of Transparency - I went straight for the negative - right? Completely skipped positive things and jumped right into the negatives, the grudges, the things I should let go of...

But even during those negative times, and even in those negative situations - there were positives.

I had access to two things that are often overlooked. These two things are called: Assets & Strengths.

So why are they often overlooked? Why do the negative life events seem to overshadow them?

I don't know - maybe because they leave a bigger scar? They're more painful? They seem to have a bigger impact on your life?

Whatever the case - the bad things tend to stick out like a sore thumb.

How hard do you believe it was for me to think of those two things? Did I have to spend an entire morning combing through my past looking for something to talk about?

No!!! Not at all. In fact these were just the two that rose to the top. There were 5 to 10 more screaming to be on top! And I could have picked those Landmines without blinking...

Because they're all there - right under the surface - bubbling up like magma in a volcano - waiting to explode all over the place...

Just me? I don't think so...

That's why Chapter 3 was all about Landmines & Minefields - because everyone has them - and everyone has to figure out how to manage them moving forward.

But before we revisit those, let's talk about Assets & Strengths.

Because everyone has those as well. They just don't pop into our minds as quickly as the other ones.

So to start - why did I use two terms? Why not just one or the other?

Well, let's look at each individually:

Dictionary.com defines an asset as:

  • a useful and desirable thing or quality

  • a single item of ownership having exchange value

Next, it defines a strength as:

  • the quality or state of being strong

  • mental or moral power

  • power by reason of influence

  • power of resisting force

  • a positive or valuable attribute or quality

So you can see that they are similar - and yet different. For our purposes - this is how we'll distinguish the two:

  • We're going to view an asset as something outside ourselves: Something we possess, or were given, or have access to

  • We're going to view a strength is an internal thing: Something we have within ourselves, something we were born with or something we've incorporated into our life through education or training

Subtle - but I think it will make sense once we start looking at examples of each.

Now again - there are some important things to understand here:

  • First, we all have these - both Assets & Strengths

  • No matter how hard they are to find - they are there

  • You might have to dig - but it's important that you keep digging until you uncover them, document them and come to believe that they exist

  • Only then will you have a true picture of your reality - an accurate world view

I say this, because many of us ignore our assets and strengths - and focus on the landmines and minefields in our lives.

And when we do this, it's no wonder we struggle with things like sadness, anger, depression, anxiety and addictions of every kind...

These are common side effects when this is the world view we adopt - when this is what we choose to focus on...

Now - because this is a podcast - we're going to talk pretty high level about Assets & Strengths.

However, if this were the book - I would be asking you to complete an exercise.

We've moved into the heart of CDT - and we're discussing the things we CAN control. So it's time to roll up our sleeves and get busy.

The next exercise we're going to walk through is The Assets & Strengths Inventory.

Again - I'll add this to the Patreon account this week so you can access it there. Just head over to transcendhuman.com and click on the "Join Us!" button in the header...

High level explanation: This exercise is meant to get you familiar with:

  • Things in your life that are going well

  • The positive things you have going for you

  • The things around you, and inside of you that allow you to get up each day and be a functioning member of society

  • And the things that have helped you cope with the Landmines & Minefields from your past

But before we dive deeper into the inventory - we need to bring up the greatest Asset we have. And as it turns out the greatest Strength as well.

It's what we spent time talking about last week.

Our value: the value we have because the God of the Universe, The Creator of all things, designed us, loves us and is fighting for us:

  • This is our greatest Asset - because He is the outside power source we have access to

  • And it's our greatest Strength - because when we internalize this power source - there is nothing we can't achieve

This is the spiritual side of CDT - and we access this power through the spiritual disciplines like reading the Bible, praying, meditating, spending time in nature, etc.

That said, let's look a bit closer at the inventory - and the other Assets & Strengths we have.

ASSETS

  • Spiritual: Spiritual parents, leaders or mentors, positive spiritual connections, spirituality in your home, access to spiritual documents, ability to attend spiritual services, etc.

  • Emotional: Emotional support, mentors, friends, pets, access to counseling, access to self-help content, etc.

  • Physical: Financial means, financial support, a home, a car, access to education, a job, access to health and wellness services, access to police and social services, access to internet and information, etc.

STRENGTHS

  • Spiritual: Spiritual beliefs that guide you, strong sense of right and wrong, belief in the value of human life, respect for others, selflessness, altruism, serving others, giving to others, etc.

  • Emotional: Emotional stability, positive outlook on life, level-headedness, able to control anger, able to keep learning, able to do self-assessment, able to support others emotionally, etc.

  • Physical: Health, physical beauty, physical strength, talents, abilities, coping skills, etc.

  • Cognitive: Intelligence, ability to learn, ability to make good decisions, critical thinking skills, specific intelligence (to excel in a career or field of work), street smarts, not easily fooled, witty, quick with comebacks, etc.

Now - this exercise isn't the end all be all. It simply starts the conversation. It throws a few categories out there, and offers some examples in each category.

Hopefully this will get you moving in the right direction. And will start your creative juices flowing.

At the end of the day it's up to you how deep you're willing to go:

  • You can scratch the surface by putting down a few obvious things and calling it good

  • Or, you can put some real time and energy into it - in order to get a comprehensive list of the things you have going for you

So if you're interested in completing this exercise during the series - head over to the Patreon page and sign up to be a partner of the show.

Once you've completed the exercise - hold onto it - because we'll refer to it throughout this series.

Now, one last thing you can do if you're interested: Take Some Personality Inventories:

// 2. LISTING YOUR LANDMINES & MINEFIELDS

Next, let's rewind the clock a few weeks. And go back to the negative things - the bad things - the things that are much easier to identify. At least for most of us...

But before we begin we need to explain that there are varying levels of bad. Varying levels of difficulty we've experienced. And because of this, we are each impacted differently by those things.

To help us understand the distinction - lets create two categories for these negative life events.

According to Alan Schlechter and Daniela Montalto from the NYU Langone Health, these two categories are:

  • Adverse Life Experiences

  • Traumatic Life Experiences - or Trauma

And they do a good job helping us understand the difference between the two.

An adverse life experience is like a mosquito bite. It's annoying, we itch it for a while, but eventually it goes away.

A traumatic life experience is like a bee sting for someone allergic to bees. Without the Epi-pen, the person could die. This experience is much more intense, and may not be forgotten quickly.

Then - within the Traumatic Life Experiences category - we see that there are two ways people respond:

  1. The child who remembers the bee sting and is now on the lookout for them - but still goes to school, gets along well at home and continues to interact with friends

  2. The child who fears he or she will be stung every day - so they hide out in their room and determine not to go to school, and not to leave the house

And so it is with us - and the Landmines & Minefields we've walked through. There will be varying levels of impact based on the event itself. But there will also be varying levels of impact based on the way we choose to respond to those events.

  • Some events are like the mosquito bite

  • And others are more like the bee sting for the person allergic to bees

  • And in the worst case scenarios, there are people who experience the bee sting, and are so traumatized that their minds do something amazing to protect them

    • The mind represses the memories

    • It creates a lock box in the back of the mind and stores all of these traumatic memories there

    • This allows the person to continue functioning in life

In cases like these - it's important to spend quite a while in this phase of treatment. Therapy will need to go a bit deeper - in order to unlock this box, and bring out the repressed memories a little at a time in order to fully deal with them.

But for the rest of us - those without the lock box - it should be fairly easy to list the Landmines & Minefields we've experienced and put them on the table so they can be dealt with.

Now - we don't need to spend a lot of time defining terms here because we did that in Chapter 3.

Brief summary:

  • Landmines: One-time negative events (either adverse or traumatic)

    • Things that happened to us

    • Things we saw happen to other people

    • Things we may have had a hand in causing

  • Minefields: A pattern, or group of negative events (either adverse or traumatic)

    • Things that happened to us more than once

    • Things we saw happen to others more than once

    • Things we did more than once

The other thing we did in Chapter 3 was take: The Landmines & Minefields Inventory.

So we won't spend a lot of time talking about this either.

But to summarize - the inventory walked us through the two different lists:

The first was for the Landmines:

  • And it was broken out into two large categories:

    • Physical or Life Threatening Incidents

    • Emotional Incidents

  • Again, these are singular events that happened to us as children, adolescents or even last month as adults

  • We won't go into detail here - but if you downloaded the exercise, you already have this information documented.

Next are the Minefields:

  • Similar to Landmines these were broken up into two categories:

    • Physical or Life Threatening Incidents

    • Emotional Incidents

  • A lot of the examples for Minefields are the same as for Landmines

  • However, the difference here is that a Minefield involves something happening more than one time

  • It's something that happened more than once, a pattern of abuse, a pattern of behavior that may have created a deeper level of trauma

  • Again, we won't go into the specifics as they are available in the exercise

So if you completed this a few weeks ago - hold onto it.

If you haven't completed it - you will find it on the Patreon page and you can complete it this week along with The Assets & Strengths Inventory.

Again - keep these handy - as we will refer back to them throughout the series.

But one more thing before we leave this section.

At the beginning - we said that the list of Landmines & Minefields would probably be easier to come up with. And that may have been true for you.

However, even though the list might have been easy to come up with - that does NOT mean:

  • The events or incidents we listed were easy to think about

  • Or that they are simple, and straightforward

  • Or that because we are able to write everything down so fast - we should be able to forget about them just as easily

Nope. Not at all...

In fact, we may have opened a can of worms just by doing these exercises!

You never know how something like this will impact you until you're forced to sit down and think about it again. To write it down. And to admit on paper the things you went through.

Difficult is one thing. And yes, I'm asking you to keep going with me even though it's difficult.

But overwhelming is an entirely different thing. If this is you, and the can of worms was bigger than you realized. Don't feel bad. Don't freak out. Just know that there must be a lot of emotion tied to those events from your past:

  • You may need more than this little podcast and a few written exercises can provide

  • You might want to look into weekly counseling, and begin the process of working through your traumatic events in a safe, caring environment with a trained professional

// 3. REFRAMING OUR WORLD VIEW

To wrap up this chapter, we're going to walk through a little mind exercise.

Now... Important caveat before we begin...

This WILL be an oversimplification. An Easy Button that does not exist. Nor should it exist.

Because this type of work can't be rushed. These are difficult life events that must be dealt with at the right time, and at the right pace. Sometimes it can t can take years to work through them.

The good thing is that CDT does not believe there is a quick fix either. And as we progress through the remaining chapters you'll see that you aren't able to read the book and be done. CDT has to become a new life strategy - one that you use every day of your life. A world view that picks you up, dusts you off and helps you rise above the Human Condition.

Sound familiar? That's what Transcend Human has been about since Day 1.

Conscience Driven Therapy is simply the vehicle we're going to drive while we go on that journey.

So that's all coming in future chapters. But to wind things up today - let's throw the Easy Button out there.

Let's oversimplify things so we know where we're headed.

I just explained that this section is called, "Reframing Your World View."

And that's it - that's the Easy Button! Simply change your world view:

  • Recognize that you're looking at the world one way

  • And that you need to look at it differently in order to make progress

  • Stop looking at the Landmines & Minefields as what defines you

  • And start looking at your Assets & Strengths instead

  • In essence..."Hold onto the good - Release the Bad"

See how easy that was?

Done. Drop the mic. Button up this episode and put it to bed 🙂

No wait...

You're right - that was way too easy. And we all know life isn't that easy.

Which is why there are still 5 Chapters to go.

However - it's important to see that this is the goal - this is where we're headed.

What would life look like if we could focus on our Assets & Strengths each day and keep our Landmines & Minefields where they belong - in the past?

Starting next week - in Chapter 6 - we'll take the Easy Button we just talked about - and flesh it out a bit.

We'll start looking at a very important concept - one that goes hand-in-hand with our Freedom of Choice.

It's this little thing called our mind. Our brain, our thinking, our cognitions and a very special part of our mind called the conscience.

Bet you wondered when we'd get to that right? Considering this series is called Conscience Driven Therapy?

But more on that next week.

For now...let’s land the plane:

This week, your homework consists of the following:

  1. Complete: The Assets & Strengths Inventory

  2. And if you haven't already...Complete: The Landmines & Minefields Inventory

  3. And for extra credit: Take one or two of the personality inventories we talked about

    • Or, if you've already taken them before - dust a few off and see if you can find some additional strengths you can add to your list

And that's it for this week!

Thank you so much for joining us - next week we continue with:  Chapter 6: CDT06 | Locus of Control & ETOTO

With that, gave a great week, and as always, keep Transcending Human!

Daryl McMullen
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CDT06 | Understanding Our Locus of Control & ETOTO
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CDT04 | The First Step Toward Health & Healing