TP07 | Transcendent Parenting | Prep For Launch
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TP07 | Transcendent Parenting | Prep For Launch
Date: October 11, 2021
Welcome back!
We are in the middle of a series called Transcendent Parenting.
For those of you following along we're in Week 7.
For those of you just joining, here's where we've been so far:
Week 1: First things first - Strong Marriage
Week 2: Parenting isn't optional - Parenting is a high calling and that you have to be all in
Week 3: Parenting through the stages - Looking at the stages of development from infant to adult
Week 4: Parenting plan of attack - Being proactive vs. reactive in our parenting
Week 5: Sell your helicopter - what it could look like to stop being a helicopter parent
Week 6: Making Memories - how to turn negative events into memories you'll laugh about later
Today we’re talking Prep For Launch. What it looks like to send your kids out there into the big, bad world well prepared.
Minute of Parenting Transparency: Were We Prepped For Launch?
Today's Topic: Prep For Launch
Lay a solid foundation
Teach them the basics
They launch, you stay
// 1. LAY A SOLID FOUNDATION
This episode is going to try and address two distinct realities:
You will NEVER teach your kids everything they need to know before they leave your home
You CAN and SHOULD lay a solid foundation that will allow them to launch with confidence
So let's flesh these two ideas a bit more...
So what is this solid foundation we're talking about? Well, here are a few suggestions. Not an all-inclusive list - but a good place to start:
Teach them the Golden Rule:
We've all heard this before in one form or another: "Do unto others what you would have them do to you."
But unfortunately - we've heard it so many times, that it tends to go in one ear and out the other
Now a little known fact about the Golden Rule is that it isn't a Christian concept
In other words - it isn't a word-for-word verse in the Bible
I mean, there are many verses that come close - and suggest the same ideas - just not word for word
At the end of the day - the Golden Rule is pretty universal - an ethical statement, or way of living - found in almost every ethical tradition from Christianity to Buddhism
So what if we embraced this concept and taught it to our kids?
My guess is they would grow up with the following world view:
People are equal
I'm not better than anyone else
Treating other people well is important
Before I do something I should probably think it through
My behavior has a ripple effect - and I want it to be a positive one
The way I treat the environment is important as it impacts others
Do I want other people throwing their trash all over the place? No? Then why would I throw my trash all over the place?
Do I want people defacing nature? Harming animals? No? Then why would I do the same?
You can see how all of these ethical decisions stem from the concept of the Golden Rule
Next, teach your kids to be Lifelong Learners:
GROWTH is one of the core values of Transcend Human
And within this concept of growth is the idea of being a Lifelong Learner
So if we believe it's important for adults to live this way - we should probably teach or at least model this for our kids - right?
At each stage of life - help them to see how they are learning new skills
And as the move through high school - help them see how the things they are learning are translating directly to them taking more ownership over them
That we as parents are letting go - and they are taking over in those areas
By the time they are teenagers, the things they are learning are less situational, and more lifelong functional
Why? Because by 18 they need to be doing almost everything for themselves
Next, move from Parenting to Coaching:
Andy & Sandra Stanley / Parent Unscripted Part 1: The 4 Stages of Parenting: https://vimeo.com/207165655
As your kids get close to leaving home - your tactics need to change
"The Coaching Years" Ages 12-18 - Move from being a parent to being a coach
With the end goal being: "Children who want to be with us and with each other when they don't have to."
So how do you do that?
Instead of telling them what to do - it becomes more important for them to see you do the same things
As a parent - you were given "influence" so you could eventually give it away to your kids
However, you have to earn this influence - it isn't something you get automatically
Your teenagers want to see that there is alignment between you and your spouse
Alignment between what you do and what you say
Alignment between how you live and what you say you believe in
When they see this alignment - their view of you changes - they respect you more and they see your influence as beneficial to them - something they want to emulate as adults
// 2. TEACH THEM THE BASICS
So aside from the solid foundation we talked about - there are also things we can teach our kids that are a little more specific. Things that help them function in society. Things that can help them avoid basic problems the world throws at them.
Here is a simple list we put together:
Spirituality:
For us - this means raising our kids in the Christian tradition
A belief in God, Jesus, Satan, Sin, Love, Grace, Eternal Life - all of those things
And in doing this - we hope to launch kids who have answers to the Big 3 Questions:
Where did I come from? (Origin question)
Why am I here? (Purpose and meaning question)
Where do I go when I die? (Destination question)
For others of you - this may be based on a different religious belief system, or a different world view
For others - it may be as general as teaching the Golden Rule concept we talked about earlier
But the important thing here is addressing the trajectory of your kids life - helping them find a world view, or a life strategy that they can live from
Emotional & Life Goals:
Raise them in such a ways so that they want to be around you and around each other in the future
They should respect you more than they like you
They should leave home with a sense of control over their lives
They should believe that they have the power to influence others and the world around them in a significant way
They should see the importance in being a contributor in society - not just a consumer
They should be very aware of their level of privilege in the world (white, affluent, educated, lots of opportunities, etc.)
And always be willing to leverage that privilege to help those who don't have it
Basic Living & Self Sufficiency:
Cook - use stove and microwave
Clean - room and house
Laundry - should be able to do their own
Car - understand the basics (gas, tires, oil, license/registration, insurance, etc.)
This is just the tip of the iceberg - are there other things that come to mind here?
Technology:
The pros and cons
How to manage social media and screen time
Living a balanced life even while using technology
Money:
All of our money is God's:
From a Christian standpoint, we are stewards of the money God blesses us with
This is foundational when you have the conversation about tithes, offerings, and giving to help others
10-10-80 Plan (Granger Community Church: Mark Beeson):
10% to God
10% (or more) to savings
80% (or less) to live on
Understanding all of the financial obligations adults have: Saving, Investing, Health Insurance, Auto Insurance, Life Insurance, Retirement, 401K Plans, Roth IRAs, etc.
Understanding the way the world works - and how easy it is to misuse your money:
Pyramid scams, deals too good to be true, email scams and phishing
The wave of the future: Subscriptions and memberships (Netflix, Hulu, and now everything else in the world...)
"It's only $5.99/mo!" The problem is, you're doing that on 20 different platforms...meaning you are paying out nearly $120/mo for those services
Money that goes out for the Comfortable Lifestyle: Online purchasing with high shipping costs, Door Dash, Grocery delivery, etc.
Not all bad - but need to be very aware of the money being wasted in these areas
// 3. THEY LAUNCH, YOU STAY
This might sound like an obvious statement - but ask any parent dealing with their first child leaving home - and ask them if it's that simple?
The truth is - we need to Prep For Launch, and then let them launch:
They leave home
We stay behind - we don't get to go with them
Let's Land the Plane:
And this is where we'll pick things up next week...talking about The After Life. Life with adult children and living in community with those who still have kids.
This week, we'd like you to try the following:
Look back over the section on laying a solid foundation:
What can you do this week to reinforce some foundational things with your kids?
Where are you at on teaching your kids the basics?
Based on their ages, or stage of life
Are there things you can start teaching them this week?
Or...are there some things you could have them start doing on their own?
If you have kids launching soon, or if your kids have already launched
How are you doing?
And what can you do this week to be a good coach as they spread their wings?
Thanks for joining us again this week. Like we said, next week we're going to talk about life after launch. Looking forward to that discussion - and to having you back with us!
Until then, have a great week, keep on prepping, and as always, keep Transcending Human!