074 | Transcending Hopelessness

August 9, 2021 Daryl McMullen

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074 | Transcending Hopelessness Daryl McMullen

August 9, 2021

Minute of Transparency: Living Under the Perma-Cloud

Today's Topic: Transcending Hopelessness

In this episode:

Levels of sadness
Pick your poison
The Controversy & Albert Ellis

// 1. LEVELS OF SADNESS

So let me start with a warning...

This episode isn't our typical fun, lighthearted episode.

I mean yes - on some level we're going to talk about ways to transcend feelings of sadness, and hopelessness. But that doesn't change the fact that the subject itself is dark, difficult and not always easy to talk about.

Which is exactly why I finally decided to do this episode.

I've put it off over and over again. My original ideas was to do a series of episodes on Mental Health. So this isn't that - but it's a piece of that.

A piece I just couldn't keep bumping for other - easier topics.

So here we are. And today we're going to talk about sadness.

Which is a very abstract idea when you think about it. If a person tells you they are sad - you don't immediately understand them right?

You need more information
Like how sad?
Sad about what?
What does the sadness feel like?
How is it impacting you?
And why are you telling me?

And the reason we need all this information is because sadness is a feeling - and feelings can be hard to define.

So I thought it might be good right up front to define a few levels of sadness so we will all be on the same page.

LEVEL 1: Sadness

The most basic level
Healthline.com explains it this way:
- "Sadness is a human emotion that all people feel at certain times during their lives. Feeling sad is a natural reaction to situations that cause emotional upset or pain. There are varying degrees of sadness. But like other emotions, sadness is temporary and fades with time."
- "When you’re sad, it may feel all-encompassing at times. But you should also have moments when you are able to laugh or be comforted."
So I refer to this as Level 1 because it is a basic emotion - one that we all experience
In the 2015 Pixar movie Inside Out:
- We get to know a few of the basic emotions pretty well
- Joy, Fear, Anger, Disgust and Sadness are all personified in the film
So on some level - Sadness is at the same level as Joy
These are basic emotions we experience at any given time
Emotions that come and go - and are not considered problematic

LEVEL 2: Chronic Sadness

The biggest difference I see in chronic sadness is the length of time it impacts us
In Level 1, it says there should be times when you experience Joy, or can be comforted
So in Level 2 we're going to suggest that this starts to become a problem
Times of Joy or Happiness are few and far between
And it is getting harder and harder for people to comfort you when you're sad
This is an ongoing negative feeling - but not to the level where it is impacting your functioning

LEVEL 3: Depression

The switch from sadness to depression is all about impact
Sadness is more of an emotion or a feeling
Depression is a state of mind that begins to impact basic functioning
Now there are many forms of depression. Here are the big ones:
- Major Depression:
  - Having the symptoms of clinical depression for at least a two week period of time
- Persistent Depression (Dysthymia):
  - Less severe than Major Depression - but lasting for at least two years
- Postpartum Depression:
  - Symptoms of clinical depression during or shortly after giving birth
- Psychotic Depression:
  - Having the symptoms of clinical depression AND a form of psychosis:
    - Hearing things other people aren't hearing
    - Seeing things other people don't see (hallucinations)
    - Experiencing disturbing false fixed beliefs (delusions)
- Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD):
  - This is the serious version of that
  - Where a person would have the symptoms of clinical depression during that specific time of the year
- Teen Depression:
  - Yes - a very real thing
  - Teenagers go through a period in their lives where depression is very common
- Bipolar Depression:
  - Episodes of clinical depression mixed with times when you are too happy, and have too much energy
  - Called Manic Episodes
  - Also referred to as mood instability

Now let's take a break from our list for a minute.

I mentioned "symptoms of clinical depression" quite a few times in there so it might be good to just review these real quick - so we understand why it is more impactful than sadness.

So here are the Symptoms of Depression as found in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5):

Depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day
Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day
Significant weight loss when not dieting or weight gain, or decrease or increase in appetite nearly every day
A slowing down of thought and a reduction of physical movement (observable by others, not merely subjective feelings of restlessness or being slowed down)
Fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day
Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt nearly every day
Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness, nearly every day
Recurrent thoughts of death, recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide

So obviously - this is next level compared to sadness.

We can be sad, and still go to work.
We can be sad, and still function normally.
We can be sad and still be hopeful for the future.

But when sadness turns to depression - our thinking starts for shut down. We start to lose the ability to rebound, and to continue doing everyday activities. And this is why depression is a serious issue - something we shouldn't ignore or take lightly.

Now back to the list...

LEVEL 4: Severe Depression

Not that all depression isn't serious, but once it reaches a certain level it can be viewed as severe
Because at this level there are two things that amp up the level of danger:
1. Psychosis:
  - This should be obvious - if you are experiencing things that aren't grounded in reality - you may do things, or react in ways that are not in touch with reality
  - If you think someone is chasing you - you might run out into the street and get hit by a car
  - And if there really wasn't a person chasing you - you just placed yourself in a life or death situation for no reason
2. Suicidal Ideation:
  - Also obvious - if you believe the best thing to do is end your life - you're in a dangerous situation
  - Especially because suicidal ideation comes from the depression - not from you!
  - This is a HUGE thing to understand:
    - A depressed person isn't suicidal because they want to die
    - They're suicidal because the depression is so bad it seems like their only way out
    - Like I said - this is a HUGE piece of the puzzle
    - And why it's so sad when someone takes their life
    - Because at the end of the day it is usually a decision made in a vacuum
    - And if they could have just made it through the depressive episode there is a really good chance they would no longer feel like hurting themself
    - Let's illustrate it this way: Pretend you are on a road trip in a National Forest:
      - You're driving on beautiful roads - seeing beautiful things - enjoying the fact that you are alive
      - Then you come to a tunnel
      - You drive in and all of a sudden it's dark and you can't see all of those beautiful things you once saw
      - You start to feel closed in - you start to feel hopeless - and you wish you could just end your life
      - Then you come to the end of the tunnel - and you're back out into the sunshine, the trees, the mountains and all the good things life has to offer
      - Looking back you can't believe you almost ended your life in the tunnel - because you see it for what it was - a short term change in perspective
  - Now this is illustration is obviously minimizes something that is a lot more difficult than this makes it out to be
  - But I believe it with all my heart
  - I believe that depressed people who are suicidal are in a tunnel - and they just need help getting to the end of the tunnel
    - So they can once again see life as beautiful and worth living

// 2. PICK YOUR POISON

In this world there are two ways to look at something like sadness or depression.

There is the worldly view and the spiritual view:

Worldly:
- Based completely on science
- It's the field of Psychology & Pop Psychology - the study of the brain and how it functions
- This viewpoint typically suggests that our sadness/depression is driven by our own inability to manage our thinking and behaving
- Which ultimately leads to feeling more depressed
- This is where you will hear things like, "You have a 'chemical imbalance' which is causing your depression."
- Or, "You are experiencing 'cognitive distortions' which need worked on so you are thinking more rationally."
- The worldly solution is often medication - to help right-size the "chemical imbalance"
- And traditional talk therapy to work through the "cognitive distortions"
Spiritual:
- The spiritual side is obviously driven by people with religious, or spiritual beliefs or world views
- This can be everything from Christianity to Buddhism to Scientology
- And since I didn't grow up in every spiritual or religious tradition - the only one I can speak to is my own - which is Christianity
- In my experience, traditional Christianity suggests there is a Biblical explanation for everything
- A Biblical explanation as to why you're depressed
- And Biblical explanations how to stop being depressed
- Traditional Christian counselors (in my opinion) beat people over the head with the Bible
- I still remember talking to a friend who had sought out help with a pastor at a church we attended
- I asked, "So how did it go? Is it a good fit?"
- My friend said, "No - not really. Every time I brought something up he opened the Bible and threw a verse at me - like it was supposed to be a magic button or something."
- And unfortunately - this is often the experience people have with pastors, and more traditional Christian counselors
- Most want to use the Bible as the magic light saber
- And most aren't big fans of medication as a means to decreasing depressive symptoms

So there you have it - two sides of the mental health coin. And I bet you're waiting for me to tell you which one is right?

Some of you are leaning toward the worldly - since I have a Master's in Social Work - and you would be partly right
Some of you are leaning toward the spiritual - because I was raised Christian - and you would be partly right

The truth of that matter is this - I am not 100% on either side.

Figuring this out was my struggle in the early days - right after I graduated and started working in the mental health field.

School taught me the worldly view of mental health - but being raised Christian had taught me the spiritual view.

And unfortunately - the spiritual view doesn't count - at least not in the field of mental health. We were taught to leave our "religious or spiritual baggage" so to speak at the door of the counseling office. That it had no place in the counseling relationship. Unless two things happened:

You client brought it up - then you could have the conversation - but only as it applied to their beliefs - not yours
If you specifically called yourself a Christian counselor - then you could ask people about their beliefs and even use spiritual tools to help them in their recovery

But even with these caveats - I was disillusioned. It didn't work for me. Something deep inside me knew:

And this was the birth of Controversy Theory. This manuscript was me wrestling with the two views on mental health and coming to the conclusion that it couldn't be one or the other. It had to be both-and.

Simply put: We have to see the big picture (spirituality) before we can use traditional psychology (worldly) to solve our problems.

// 3. THE CONTROVERSY & ALBERT ELLIS

So like I said - I didn't pick a side. Instead I see both as having a HUGE role to play in us dealing with every mental health issue we face.

But in this case sadness and depression.

So let's look at the two elements and how they can work harmoniously together.

The first we'll just call The Controversy:

This is the spiritual side of the coin
It is the knowledge about the controversy that exists between God and Satan
That there is a battle going on right now for your heart, and for your soul:
- For your heart: Right here and now - in this life - wanting you to live in such a way as to choose Team God or Team Satan
- But also for your soul: And this is for keeps - for eternity. Choosing God or Satan as your eternal destination. God tells us His eternal destination is Heaven. Satan's eternal destination is not quite as beneficial
The next important spiritual piece is answering the Big 3 Questions:
- We've talked about these before:
  1. Where did I come from?
  2. Why am I here?
  3. Where do I go when I die?
So in dealing with sadness and depression - these questions can have a really big impact
- If you don't answer them - you're left with the feelings - and feelings can be very misleading at times
- But if you find the answers the three questions and you're able to apply them to your feelings of sadness and depression - you now have a foundation to build on
The next thing to understand is that we have help:
- Spiritually speaking, we aren't alone in dealing with our sadness and depression
- We have someone on our side - someone who knows us better than we know ourselves
- Because God created us - He is uniquely qualified to help us deal with our problems
- He may not stand there in a counseling session and offer you specific things to do
- But there are hundreds of ways He steps in, guides, comforts and protects us in the process
And the final thing I would say about the spiritual, is that Satan needs to be understood:
- We can't keep sauntering through life viewing Satan as a caricature - or a cartoon character that sits on your shoulder and tries to get you to do mean things to people:
  - The Bible doesn't give us that option
  - "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour." I Peter 5:8 (NKJV)
  - Doesn't sound like a cartoon character to me...
  - And it's this view of Satan that can help us deal with sadness and depression
  - Not that we have someone to blame for our feelings
  - But that we understand he would love nothing more than for us to get so consumed with our sadness and depression that we miss out on life - or even take our life - so we're out of the game for good
  - Satan views these as wins - points he is racking up in the great battle against God

The second we'll call Albert Ellis:

This is the worldly side of the coin
Science, psychology and the idea that there is nothing going on in life bigger than you
You are your own worst enemy
And yet, you have everything within you to fix yourself
You just need to learn how - probably from someone who has the knowledge and can pass it on to you
Now I used Albert Ellis - not because he is considered the Father of Psychology...
- That is a distinction for people like Sigmund Freud and Wilhelm Wundt
But Albert Ellis is considered the Father of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT)
Which is something I spent a fair amount of time studying, and believe strongly in as a means to managing the way we think and behave
Now I know what you're thinking... This is in direct opposition to what you just talked about - the spiritual stuff?
And I would say no - no it isn't
And here's why...
Just because we're spiritual beings - and just because we understand the spiritual side of things in our world - doesn't mean psychology is wrong
In fact, I believe there is truth, and scientific fact behind the spiritual things I believe in
I believe we will get to Heaven and it will all make sense:
- Questions about Noah's Flood and how it happened from a scientific perspective
- Questions about the Dinosaurs - where they came from - when they went extinct - and the science behind it
- Questions about carbon dating. How scientists have used it to prove the Earth is millions of years old when the Bible suggests God created the Earth less than 6,000 years ago
Again - I believe all of these things will have a logical, scientific explanation - when we get to Heaven
And so it is with psychology:
- Just because there are many worldly concepts
- And just because many Psychologists lean toward atheism
- Doesn't mean the concepts and research findings are always false
- Could it be that many of these truths about the way we think are just now being understood?
- That man is slowly beginning to understand the amazing brains God created us with?
- And that these understandings aren't evil - they are rational, and logical ways to think
- And if we throw them out simply because they came out of the field of Psychology - it's like we're choosing to drive a horse and buggy when a Jeep Wrangler is sitting right there next to it...
I know I glossed over that in 5 seconds and made it sound super simple - but it's not
This is a very big thing - a debate that will go on until the End of Time
So there is no way we can address all of the intricacies in this podcast episode

But what I want you to hear me saying is this:

We are spiritual beings - created by God. But our Creator gave us brains - and He expects us to learn things about ourselves, to figure out how our brains work and to work with the tools He gave us.

The Bible helps explain it this way:

"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." Romans 12:2 (NKJV)
The "renewing of your mind..."
To me this has always referred to an important concept in Psychology: Thinking about our thinking. Stepping outside ourselves and analyzing our thought processes. Seeing the problem for what it is. Then choosing to think or behave differently
This is literally the foundation of REBT and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
These treatment modalities attack the way you think about things - and attempt to rework that thinking so it is more rational and functional

And that's why I live in the tension between the two - between the worldly and the spiritual...

Because at the end of the day - it's all spiritual on some level. If you believe God created the Earth and human kind - you have to believe He created Psychology as well. At least the elements of Psychology that are true. There are obviously things in every field that are not true - or misunderstood.

But true Psychology - the kind that helps people change their lives - is tapping into the spiritual - the minds God gave us, and the abilities He equipped us with.

Let’s Land the Plane:

This week ask yourself the following questions:

Have you struggled with, or are you struggling with sadness or depression?
- If so, you're not alone
- Please reach out to someone and let them know you're hurting
- A pastor, a teacher, a therapist a friend or family member
- Don't stay in that tunnel any longer
- Work with someone to get back out there into the sun, the trees and the mountains
Have you ever entertained the idea that there are two ways to view sadness and depression?
- From a worldly viewpoint or a spiritual viewpoint?
Would you be open to a combination of the two?
- A Controversy and Albert Ellis type view of mental health?
- If so - start this week to strengthen both sides of the coin
- How can you work on your spiritual side
- How can you work on your thinking and behaving?

That about does it! But before we go - I can't end this episode without this important piece:

If you are struggling - and I mean struggling in the tunnel - ready to throw in the towel and end it.

Please don't! You are worth more than you know. You have value. You are special. And this world needs what only you can contribute.

Don't throw that away.

When I was younger, a very special person in my life attempted suicide. She OD'd on Aspirin, but was found in time by a roommate who wasn't even supposed to be back until the next day.

I can't tell you how thankful I am that she is still with us. And I've seen her contribution to the world since then. Her impact is not only felt in her family and by her friends. But by people in other countries - people she has worked with as part of her job and her travels.

My friend - if you're in that place - and you don't know how much longer you can hold on - please call someone right now.

The Suicide Prevention Hotline is: 1-800-273-8255

This is why it was created - so someone like you could call at any hour of the day or night and get help.

If you feel safe, but you know you're going through a rough patch - there are other options out there as well.

Recently Michael Phelps and Demi Lovato have come out and talked about their struggles with mental health.

And both have endorsed an online community of licensed therapists at TalkSpace.com

Given the crazy time we just went through thanks to the COVID-19 pandemic - this online service might just fill the gap that exists in getting to see a therapist in person.

And never count out family and friends. Strengthen those relationships and be transparent about how you are feeling.

This is often the first step - letting another person know you're struggling.

Thank you so much for choosing to make us part of your journey.

Have a great week, and as always keep Transcending Human!

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