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049 | Write a Transcendent Story

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049 | Write a Transcendent Story Daryl McMullen

February 15, 2021

Minute of Transparency: No More Taxi Service

Today's Topic: Write a Transcendent Story

In this episode:

  1. We Write Our Own Stories

  2. Our Stories Are Part of a Bigger Story

  3. Better Decisions. Fewer Regrets

  4. Transcending Your Status Quo

// 1. WE WRITE OUR OWN STORIES

I'm just going to dive right in on this one.

Each of us writes our own story. How do I know this - this idea that we write our story vs. someone else writing it for us?

Well - it's because I believe, and Transcend Human would suggest, that God gave us this thing called freedom of choice.

It's one of the core concepts discussed in Controversy theory as well.

It's one of those concepts that can drastically change your life depending on what you believe about it.

If you don't believe we have freedom of choice - you're likely to believe things happen to you, you will operate in reaction mode and you will feel very little control over your life.

If you do believe we have freedom of choice - you're more likely to believe you have influence on things that happen to you, you will be proactive in how you will respond to things and you will feel like you have a level of control over your life.

Two very different realities right?

Just hearing it put that plainly wouldn't you choose to be in the second group?

Don't you want to feel like you are in control of your life?

Now the concept of "control" is tricky - in fact maybe we'll do an entire episode on what control someday...

But for now - just understand that it means having the final say in how we respond to the things that happen to us. It's understanding that bad things will happen to us - and that we have very little control over that - but that our response to these things is 100% ours to control. Which is a powerful thing in and of itself.

So how does freedom of choice impact us writing our story?

Well, it has everything to do with it. Without freedom of choice someone else would be writing our story for us. Someone else would be dictating the things that happened to us and also what those things did to us.

Sounds kinda scary right?

But because we have freedom of choice - we take back that level of control - and we get to write our own story.

Even when it seems like the world is writing it for us!

Stop me if you've heard these stories before:

  • Kid gets bullied all the time in school - chooses not to retaliate - in fact actually does something to help the bully one day. Bully sees the error of his ways and actually becomes the kids body guard against other bullies

  • Kid gets into a terrible accident as a child - loses legs - but still works every day at building his upper body and eventually wins gold at the special olympics as a body builder

  • Girl grows up with nothing, has to take care of her three siblings while mom is strung out on drugs. Puts herself through college, becomes a brain surgeon and winds up helping countless people in her old neighborhood with medical care

I mean if that isn't writing your own story I don't know what is.

This past week there were quite a few large news stories happening at the same time:

  • The Donald Trump Impeachment Trial started in the US Senate

  • In California, residents came up with the required number of signatures to start removal proceedings for Governor Gavin Newsom

  • And then there was the story about Brittany Spears…

Now this isn't a new story - just the continuing saga that started way back when she was 16 years old. A judge ruled that her father and attorney would be granted what's called a "conservatorship" over Brittany. Similar to guardianship - but also highly focused on the financial stuff, and her ability to use her money on her own.

Now for some crazy reason - this conservatorship has continued to this day - and she's a 37 year old woman now!!!

Obviously - there are things we don't understand about the case. Something has to be very wrong for a court to keep a grown woman under the control of her parent.

I mean it would be one thing if it was obvious right? If she had a physical or medical issue we could see - maybe it wouldn't seem so strange.

Or if her psychiatrist came out and explained that there were serious mental health issues she was going to struggle with for life - maybe we'd understand.

But due to the court's involvement - none of the specifics have been released.

Instead - we watch as this fully grown woman is allowed to live her life, make albums, hold residency in Las Vegas, and do things everyone else gets to do. But with someone else making all the decisions about her finances.

I mean you can't make this stuff up!

But I didn't bring up the Brittany Spears thing to spread rumors, fuel controversy, or pick a side one way or the other.

I simply see it as another perfect backdrop upon which to write an amazing story.

Think about it. If you were Brittany Spears - and you grew up with this being your reality. How would you have handled it? What story would you have written?

I'm sure this is on her mind all the time. How do I move forward, and what do I do with my life given these strange circumstances?

My heart just breaks for the entire situation. As long as the motives of the father and attorney were sincere - I feel for them having to be involved the way they are. If Brittany is truly suffering with serious mental health issues - I feel horrible for her. But I would feel even worse if it came to light that neither of these two statements were true - and the family simply acted out of greed, or jealousy...

But we may never know the truth - and that's fine.

// 2. OUR STORIES ARE PART OF A BIGGER STORY

So we talked about our role in writing our own stories...

This very important understanding that though we may not have control over all the things that happen to us - we are still in control over our response to those things. Because we have freedom of choice, we are able to respond to the things that happen to us in a variety of ways.

And it's this piece of the puzzle that writes our stories. Don't believe me?

Let's take the three stories we talked about above and rework them a bit:

  • Kid gets bullied all the time in school - chooses not to retaliate - instead goes home every night dreaming of ways to get back at the kids who bully him. Steals his uncles gun and plans a school shooting 

  • Kid gets into a terrible accident as a child - loses legs - chooses to be angry at the world. Spends the rest of his life in a wheel chair contributing nothing to the world

  • Girl grows up with nothing, has to take care of her three siblings while mom is strung out on drugs. Allows her environment to swallow her up and falls into the same pattern as her mother

Sad right? But true! In fact - these stories are probably more realistic than the ones I first told you.

I mean, we love a good rags to riches story because they don't happen every day. We understand the hard work it takes. All the good decisions required. And the uphill battle that a person goes through the beat the odds. To make it out of the negative environment or situation they found themself in.

But both sets of stories reinforce the truth - we write our own stories. Based on our freedom of choice, to respond to situations one way or another - we write the story we want those in the future to read about us.

However!!! It's also important to understand that our story - the one we get to write - is also part of a larger story.

Now I'm not going to spend much time on this. But if you like what you hear - go back and listen to the Controversy Theory series. I don't think you will be disappointed 🙂

So the bigger story I'm talking about is the story of the Bible. It's Controversy Theory. It's the story about God and Satan. And this cosmic battle between them for the allegiance of every human being that has ever walked, or will walk on the Earth.

This is the master story if you will. The beginning of everything, and the end of all things story. The story that answers our Big 3 Questions:

  • Where did we come from?

  • Why are we here?

  • And where are we going when we die?

This is obviously a much bigger story. It is the umbrella story under which all of our little stories are told.

And our little stories all connect to the bigger story - whether we want to admit it or not. The lives we live, and the decisions we make might seem to happen in a bubble - only impacting us and a few people around us. But this is far from the truth.

Our little stories have a ripple effect that can touch people we don't even know yet. Because we're connected to the bigger story - our lives and our decisions actually help or hinder people in how they understand that bigger story.

What am I talking about?

  • Influence

  • Role modeling

  • Inspiring others

  • Showing people how it's done

  • Helping people see God's Love, God's Plan to rescue us from the pain we face on Earth

But unfortunately I'm also talking about:

  • Bad influences

  • Poor role modeling

  • Harming others

  • Leading people down the wrong path

  • Getting people in touch with Satan's Hatred and His Plan for revenge against God

Again, because we write our own stories - we control the narrative. We get to choose what we endorse and what we help others see in the ultimate story.

// 3. BETTER DECISIONS, FEWER REGRETS

I'll just say it now - I'm a HUGE fan of Andy Stanley. If we lived in Atlanta, I don't think it would take us long to find our church home. But since we live on the other side of the country - I do my best to keep up with North Point Church, and Andy Stanley online or by listening to the podcast.

https://northpoint.org

So I need to be transparent in explaining that this whole section of this episode came from Andy.

They are doing a weekend message series right now called Better Decisions, Fewer Regrets and I just couldn't see doing this episode without incorporating the things he has walked through over the past 6 weeks.

https://northpoint.org/messages/better-decisions-fewer-regrets/deciding-our-way-forward

I feel like it's important because when we're talking about writing our best story - it can be a bit abstract at times. People might say, "What does that really mean? And how do I do that? I need handles for how to get that done!"

And that's what this series was for me. It provided handles for making decisions that I won't regret in the future. Making decisions to tell a better story - one that I will be proud of, and one that will help others along the way.

Andy began the series by explaining the following:

"We never know what or who hangs in the balance of the decisions we make. But we do know that our decisions determine the direction and quality of our life."

Or in our scenario... "We know that our decisions determine what story we are going to tell."

So to give us handles on this - Andy then explains that there are five questions we need to ask when faced with an important decision. And each question is fleshed out - one each week. But I'll give you the condensed version here:

Question 1: The Integrity Question

  • Learn to be honest with yourself

  • Understand and admit what your underlying intentions are

  • And be willing to own that

Question 2:  The Legacy Question

  • This question is connected the most to what we're talking about today

  • What do you want your legacy to be?

  • Based on this decision will it help or harm your legacy - what people think about you in the future, or after you're gone?

  • It speaks to your story. Your legacy is the story you've written with all of the small decisions you made in life

Question 3: The Conscience Question

  • If you were here for Controversy Theory - you probably heard me talk about the importance of the conscience

  • In fact we're going to walk through a series this year on the podcast called Conscience Driven Therapy

  • Andy's question is along the same lines

  • He refers to it as "Paying attention to the tension"

  • In other words - when you're faced with a decision and something just doesn't seem right - you feel tension about it - you need to stop and pay attention

  • Because it just might be your conscience warning you about the choice you were going to make

Question 4: The Maturity Question

  • This was probably my favorite of them all

  • The question here is really, "What is the wise thing to do?"

  • And the point he makes is that not every decision should be viewed as bad or good

  • Just because something is legal, or everyone is doing it doesn't mean it is the wise thing for you to do

  • Powerful!

  • If only we could all see it that clearly in the heat of the moment

  • That there are things we can legally do, and nobody is going to tell us not to do them, and yet it may not be the wise thing for us to do

Question 5: The Relationship Question

  • What does love require of me?

  • Based on the new commandment explained in the Bible

  • Love God, and love others

  • So what does that mean?

  • In each situation, in every decision we need to put ourselves in the other person's place

  • Will my decision show love, or harm others?

  • It's as simple, and yet difficult as that...

In one of the messages, Andy tells the story of Joseph from the Bible. It's probably one of the best illustrations we have when it comes to telling your best story regardless what the world throws at you.

Joseph lived a crazy life of both setbacks and successes. And it was his decision-making skills in both scenarios that really solidified his legacy. The story he wrote from the jumbled mess he was handed is nothing short of amazing. 

If you want to hear more about Joseph, I would recommend you hop over to the North Point website and listen to the entire series. I'll put the link in the References section below so you can find it easily.

// 4. TRANSCENDING YOUR STATUS QUO

By now, we have a pretty good idea of what it means to write our own story.

We understand that we're writing our story inside of a larger story.

And we understand that we tell our best story by making better decisions along the way.

But there is another piece I wanted to touch on before we wrap things up.

It's this concept of Status Quo.

According to Mirriam-Webster - status quo means "the existing state of affairs."

In other words:

  • The way things are

  • Or perhaps the way things have always been

But the idea here is this: We all find ourselves living at status quo. And there is something calming about that. Something comforting - to be at a place you've been before. A place you understand, a place that offers you the same things over and over - like clockwork. Because you feel safe, and in control - even when things aren't great. At least you know what you're up against.

The opposite of status quo is new, different or abnormal. And these are all things that produce instability, doubt, anxiety and at times fear inside of us.

When we go against the status quo, we swim upstream - often without a paddle. It's all new to us and we're having to trust in our decisions without proof that everything will turn out ok.

So what is the status quo for you? What does your life look like right now? And has it been that way for a while?

I guess the bigger question is this: Is your status quo where you really want to be? Are you ok with being stuck here in the same place long term?

Is it the story you're wanting to tell? Is it the legacy you're wanting to leave for your children?

If not - we need to get out of the status quo boat and start swimming the opposite direction.

For me - status quo can look a lot like this:

  • Perfectionism, obsessive behaviors

  • Things never feeling finished or good enough

  • Frustration with or intolerance of others when they don't seem to be working hard enough

  • Having to find a more efficient and effective way to do everything

  • Inflexibility, rigidity

  • Hypocritical at times

  • Tending toward mental health disorders like depression, OCD and addiction

Sounds bleak right? What I just read was a list of the "unhealthy" traits of the Enneagram 1 - which is what I am.

For those of you who don't know what the Enneagram is, you can use the link below to learn more about it, and take the test if you're interested.

https://www.enneagraminstitute.com

But luckily, this doesn't have to define me. Because the Enneagram 1 also has healthy traits like:

  • Wise and discerning

  • Transcendentally realistic

  • Knowing the best action to take in each moment

  • Humane, inspiring, and hopeful

  • Conscientious with strong personal convictions

  • Rational, reasonable, self-disciplined, mature, moderate in all things

  • Extremely principled, always want to be fair, objective, and ethical

  • Sense of responsibility, personal integrity, and of having a higher purpose

Wow! Sounds a little different right?

What if that could be my status quo?

And so it is with each of us. Our status quo is a mixture of the positive and negative within us. It's the healthy traits and the unhealthy traits.

So what do we do with that?

Well, the simple suggestion is to throw out the bad, and keep the good.

But that's trite, and an oversimplification of a complex situation.

So this is where the decision-making comes back into play.

Based on our status quo - we will be faced with small decisions each and every day. And we have the choice whether we respond in a healthy way, or an unhealthy way.

We can use Andy's 5 questions to help us make the right decisions. With the understanding that small decisions lead to bigger decisions which can lead to life-changing decisions - decisions that change the trajectory of your story.

Let’s Land the Plane:

This week wrestle with the following:

  • What is the story you're writing? And do you understand the level of control you have because of your freedom of choice?

  • Do you see how your story is part of the larger story - the master story?

  • How would your story change if you started asking the 5 questions Andy Stanley suggests we ask?

  • And finally, what's your status quo? What's the rut you're stuck in? And what are things you can do to get out of that rut?

I hope this was helpful to you this week. As always - thank you so much for choosing to spend some time with us on your journey.

Have a great week, keep writing your best story, and keep Transcending Human!


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