September 28, 2020

Minute of Transparency: Sleep Patterns

Reference: Dr. Phil’s book Life Strategies  

Today’s Topic: Transcending Normal

In this episode:

1. What is normal anyway?

2. Competing desires

3. Be in the world, but not of the world

// 1. WHAT IS NORMAL ANYWAY?

As always, let’s define the term first…

Dictionary.com has a lot to say about the word “normal."

There are different definitions based on context - which is pretty cool.

Here are a few:

• As an adjective, normal means: “Conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural. “Serving to establish a standard.”

• Psychology: “Approximately average in any psychological trait, as intelligence, personality, or emotional adjustment. “Free from any mental disorder; sane."

• Biology or Medical: “Free from any infection or other form of disease or malformation, or from experimental therapy or manipulation. Natural."

• Mathematics: “Being at right angles, as a line; perpendicular. Pertaining to a mathematical normal.” Then a bunch of stuff I didn’t understand...

• Chemistry: “Containing one equivalent weight of the constituent in question in one liter of solution.” And again, a bunch of stuff I didn’t understand...

So to pull a few concepts out - I saw the words “standard” “common” “regular” “average” and “natural” 

All good words - but similar tho the word normal in that they aren’t defining anything specifically. They are simply suggesting you are somewhere in the middle of something…

And this is why we get the common phrase, “What is normal anyway?”

When someone says, “Ya - she’s normal.” Or conversely, “That dude is SO not normal.”

What does that even mean? Since the definition of the word normal isn’t specific - how can we really know what is meant when people say that?

The truth is - we can’t really know. Because being “normal” is highly subjective, and based on numerous things like:

• Culture

• The society you live in

• The family you grew up in

• The friends you have

• The school you go to

• The neighborhood you live in

• The career you’re chosen

• The religious or spiritual path you’re on

• How you identify in terms of gender

• East Coast vs. West Coast

• What country you’re from

• And the list goes on...

In each of these settings, or groupings - people will try to define what it means to be normal…

For example: In your high school there were kids that were considered normal, and then there were kids that did not fit into that definition:

• The “normal” kids probably wore clothes that were popular at the time

• They probably got average, to above-average grades

• They probably did things that weren’t allowed - but only to a level that didn’t get them in serious trouble

• And they probably went to the school functions, got along with most of the teachers and would say they enjoyed their high school experience

• Then there were the kids who outside of that:

  • Kids who wore clothes to make statements - The Goth crowd

  • Kids who did illegal things and were often in trouble

  • Kids who listened to music nobody had ever heard of before

  • Kids who were too smart

  • Kids who weren’t smart enough

  • Kids who never attended school functions

  • Kids who fought with teachers

  • Teacher’s Pets

  • etc.

And the same goes for each of the settings or groupings we listed. You can try to determine what normal is in each of those separately. But the truth is, we aren’t only in one of those settings or groupings. Each of us lives in all of them. 

We’re so complex - so to determine if we fall into the “normal” category - we would need some insane mathematical equation that could take into consideration all of the variables at play.

Or maybe we can just agree that pinning the label of “normal” or “abnormal” on someone shouldn’t even be a thing. 

Maybe because it is so vague, we should just stop using the terms all together.

// 2. COMPETING DESIRES

Interesting idea, right? Remove the concept of “normal" from our thinking all together? 

But is it even possible? We’re so hardwired to judge things. On some level it’s a core part of who we are. 

We want to label things as right or wrong, good or bad, pure or evil. And in doing so - we create a category right in the middle. And we call this category “normal.”

On some level it’s a category everyone wants to be in right? If a person asked you, “Do you want people to view you as normal?” Wouldn’t most people respond, “Yes! Of course! I want people to see me as normal.”

And yet, the minute we get to that spot we realize we have competing desires - a tension that creeps in and keeps us on edge.

And what are these competing desires?

• Desire #1: The desire to be like everyone else - to fit in

• Desire #2: The desire to be unique in some way - to stand out

Interesting right? 

We spend our whole life trying to fit in - to be like everyone else - to be normal. Then we get there and we find ourselves doing little things to stand out - to be different - to be unique.

Competing desires - the tension we find ourselves in each and every day.

So what does this look like? 

• Living in the “right” neighborhood - but painting your front door bright yellow so it stands out on the block

• Driving a car like everyone else - but putting an aftermarket muffler on it so people will hear you coming

• Enjoying sporting events like everyone else but wearing a jersey specific to your team so people will see your loyalty

• Dressing in clothes that are common, and in style - but buying one or two items that really stand out in the crowd

• Hanging out with a small group that all come from a similar religious background - but throwing out the one belief you have that’s a little different so they will see your not just like everyone else

Simple illustrations really - just people trying to be “normal” and yet unique at the same time. 

Have you felt that tension? Do you see yourself in any of those situations?

Think back to when you were in high school. I’m sure you can see examples of it then?

As teenagers, you are in the middle of a tumultuous time. You’re experiencing what psychologists refer to as Individuation. A phase where you are actively pursuing your identity. Up to that point your identity is based on your parents and your family. But as a teenager - getting close to adulthood - you have to start pulling away from that identity and forming your own. 

And this is where the competing desires come in. As a teenager - you want so badly to be accepted - so you strive to be “normal” - whatever that means to you and the friends around you. 

But at the same time - you’re also struggling with who you want to be. Trying to decide what makes you unique from others. And you want to explore those things - while still being viewed as “normal.”

The struggle is real!!! Or so they say… 

But it isn’t just during the teen years. It might be the most difficult during those years. But as adults we play the same games with ourselves. We want to fit in, and we want to be unique at the same time.

// 3. BE IN THE WORLD, BUT NOT OF THE WORLD

Up until this point we’ve been talking about “normal” in very general terms. Worldly terms if you will. 

I haven’t really thrown any religious or spiritual stuff at you. 

But that’s exactly where we need to go next. Because that’s the journey we’re on. If we are to truly Transcend Human, we must stop thinking of everything in simple, worldly terms. We have to understand the spiritual side - that there is a controversy going on between God and Satan for each and every one of us. And that is ultimately what everything goes back to. 

It’s the filter through which we should make important life decisions, parenting decisions, relationship decisions, career decisions, location decisions, and yes - even decisions on how “normal” we need to be in this life.

And of course, when we have spiritual decisions to make, or spiritual questions, we let the Bible do the talking…

And in this case, the closest thing I found to instructions, or answers on being “normal” is the phrase: "Be in the world, but not of the world.”

• Which, interestingly enough is not even in the Bible 🙂

• Did you know that? I didn’t. In fact, I opened bible.com and searched for a few words in the phrase and I couldn’t find it!

• That’s because it isn’t there… At least not in so many words...

• This phrase is used all the time by pastors and teachers - but it is actually a made up phrase based on other verses in the Bible:

  • John 17:14-16: https://www.bible.com/bible/114/JHN.17.NKJV

  • I have given them Your word; and the world has hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. I do not pray that You should take them out of the world, but that You should keep them from the evil one. They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world.

  • John 15:19: https://www.bible.com/bible/114/JHN.15.NKJV

  • If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.

• So in these two verses we get the pieces that make up the phrase. In the first verse we see God saying that He isn’t wanting to take us out of the world. But then at the same time both verses talk about not being of the world - and that we need to be separate from it. 

So what does all this have to do with being normal?

It has everything to do with it! 

Back to the competing desires:

• Desire #1: The desire to be like everyone else - to fit in - or in this case - to be IN the world

• Desire #2: The desire to be unique in some way - to stand out - to not be OF the world

See how well that dovetails? 

This is a MASSIVE part of the human condition. And a MASSIVE part in us working to Transcend Human.

Just as we wrestled with fitting in vs. being unique as teenagers in our high school years. So too we must wrestle with fitting in vs. being unique spiritually. 

The two verses above suggest that we need to be IN the world:

• We don’t hide ourselves away in monasteries, or religious centers where everyone is like us

• We don’t become hermits hiding in our homes from the outside world

• We don’t shelter our kids in an attempt to keep them from understand the world around them

• We live, and interact with those around us in order for them to see what it means to Transcend Human

But in order for them to see that there has to be something different about us. Something unique. And this is what it means when it says not to be OF the world:

• Being OF the world is attempting to be so “normal” that you disappear into the culture

• You don’t stand out in any way

• People look at you and say, “Wow - they’re just like me.”

• Your behavior is so much like the worlds that you don’t turn heads, you don’t look different

• And nobody would ever thing to ask you about your behavior or your beliefs because there is nothing unique about you

Now I’m trying to make this simple as we only have a few minutes together each week. But this is so much bigger than I have time to explain. 

I could probably do an entire podcast series on what it means to be IN the world, but not OF the world. 

Then again…maybe I don’t need to. Because each of the topics we address on the show are small pieces of this very thing - baby steps toward Transcending Human. Baby steps that allow us to remain IN the world, but make it obvious that we are not OF the world.

And this is the ultimate objective when it comes to Transcend Human. Finding those small steps we can take to rise above the human condition. Steps that help us grow into the person our Creator designed us to be. Steps that make us unique in the world around us. Things that others will see, and cause them to question: 

• Why do you do this?

• Why don’t you do that?

• Why do you always seem to handle things well?

• Why do you seem content most of the time?

• How did your kids turn out so well?

Let’s Land the Plane: This week, my challenge to you is to think seriously about the concept of being “normal:”

1. Is being “normal” a high value for you?

   • If so, how high is it? Has it been so important to you that you’ve given up your uniqueness?

2. And when it comes the the spiritual side of things:

   • What does living IN the world look like for you?

   • Does it mean you’re OF the world as well?

   • Or have you been able to stand out, and not to be OF the world?

My hope for you this week is that you can be IN the world, but living in such a way that your spiritual uniqueness shines through. 

May others see a difference in us - and be compelled to ask, “Why are you different?” “What is it about you?” And, “Where can I find what you’ve found?”

As always, thank you so much for being here with us today. Until next time, keep Transcending Human!