October 10, 2022

Minute of Transparency: The In Crowd...

Today's Topic: Transcending the Bubble

1. Bubble Builders

2. Blowing Bubbles

3. Popping Bubbles

// 1. BUBBLE BUILDERS

In a previous life I had given this episode the title "Transcending the Huddle." But for some reason "Transcending the Bubble" worked better.

And it all starts with the concept of cliques.

I love that, according to the study, we seem to be moving toward inclusion. But historically, and even today it's obvious that we love our bubbles.

But there's a good chance we came by it honestly.

We've all heard it said that we're a relational bunch. As human beings, we are relational - we need other people - we need community.

In fact - we have it built right into the propagation of our species.

Two humans meet, fall in love, and decide to stay together. They in turn procreate - and build a family - a little clique that spends all of their time together. Until a child gets too old, finds someone for themself - and branches off - starting their own family - a new clique.

So this concept is foundational to how we live.

In fact - what do we see when this breaks? Kids who come from broken homes? Abusive homes? Kids who grow up in the Foster System?

Are these kids well adjusted and ready to take on the world?

No! Of course not!

Now - that doesn't mean there aren't kids who go through these things and still become fully functioning members of society.

But we all know that the more common side effects are negative. Mental health struggles, addiction, low self esteem, etc.

So we can't blow off this concept - this idea that we're relational - and that we need good healthy relationships in order to thrive.

But let's put the family on the back burner - as it's one of those topics we could do an entire series on.

And let's go back to the high school years. And the cliques we talked about earlier.

How did those form? And why?

Well, it's my belief - and I believe the research would support this - that the cliques we form in high school are nothing more than a replacement for the families we're breaking away from.

If the family is that important - and as a teenager we're trying to distance ourselves from it - it makes total sense that we would create a new family in our own image. That we'd create community with people that like us, look like us, treat us well, do the things we do, etc.

And so goes the Individuation process.

Some kids go through it unscathed. They find a good group to hang with. Each group member has a positive influence on the other. And this keeps them out of trouble and more likely to have a good high school experience.

On the other hand - we all know what it looks like to pick the wrong friends. To fall in with the wrong group. Negative behavior is contagious - and before you know it you're stuck. In trouble much of the time, and missing out on the good experience high school could have been.

As a clinician - unfortunately - these were the stories I got to hear.

Not the stories about all the fun things going on in their high school. I heard stories of pain, addiction, drama, anger and sadness.

And far too often it was contagious within the friend group they were a part of.

So yes - humans are Bubble Builders. And high school is prime time for building those bubbles.

Then, as we move into the college years - we either continue in those bubbles - hanging with the same people, doing the same things, looking for the same types of relationships. Or we adjust, and look for new connections.

And finally - as Young Adults entering the workforce - we again look for our people. We look for cliques to join, or we start our own.

But at the end of the day - we find our bubbles.

// 2. BLOWING BUBBLES

So when we look at the bubbles we're part of and how they are formed - there seem to be some commonalities.

I'm not going to hit all of them - but here are just a few ways I think we blow bubbles:

Cultural Bubbles:

• There's no getting around the fact that we huddle up with those who look like us, sound like us and behave like us

• Typically - these distinctions group us into countries

• Think about it...In Europe there are a lot of countries packed into a very small area

• Each has a distinct culture, often separated by language

• So why hasn't all of Europe just become one huge melting pot of people?

• Well, because they formed bubbles

• And even though people cross bubbles and interact with people in other bubbles

• The bubbles still exist

• You could almost say the same thing about the 50 States in our country - especially today as they become more and more divided along political lines

• We're all part of the larger bubble of the United States

• But we've created our own smaller bubbles called States

• And just to round out this section - there's the Political Bubbles we find ourselves in

• Political ideologies are highly influenced by the culture we live in

• But can also be influenced by our race, religion and the amount of money we have

Racial Bubbles:

• This one should be obvious

• Bubbles are created based on skin color

• There is comfort in conformity

• And even though we believe in inclusion

• Even though we know diversity is a good thing

• Why do we still clump up?

• Why do big cities have Chinatown, Koreatown and Little Italy for example

• Even in my progressive city of Irvine, CA

• A city where white people make up only 45% of the population

• People move here from China, Korea, India - and they congregate in areas where they can be close to those who look like them, and speak like them

• There are huge Mexican populations in Santa Ana and LA

• There is a very large Vietnamese population in the Fountain Valley/Garden Grove area - in fact on Google Maps it's called Little Saigon

• As caucasian people we may not see it this way - because our country was predominantly white

• But we're no different

• There is comfort in familiarity

• Which is why there are still so many race-based communities

• Not to mention the history of systemic barriers put in place to keep minorities, the poor and the different from social advancement

• But that's for a different episode...

Religious Bubbles:

• This should be pretty obvious

• For those of you on TikTok - just search the hashtags #exvangelical and #exmo

• And you'll start drinking from the firehose of people deconstructing from Christianity and Mormonism

• Bubbles to be sure...

• Some very close to the ultimate religious bubble - the cult

• Communities where people who think alike lock themselves away and believe that everyone else is a threat

• For me - growing up Seventh Day Adventist had a similar feel

• For years I lived in Hinsdale, IL

• And there was an entire part of the city where the SDA people lived

• Many worked at the Hinsdale Sanitarium & Hospital

• Their kids went to Hinsdale Junior Academy

• And we all went to church at Hinsdale SDA Church

• All of this within walking distance

• A few years later we moved to Berrien Springs, MI

• Yet another SDA community

• Elementary schools

• A high school

• Andrews University

• Pioneer Memorial Church

• Village Church

• All Nations Church

• A McDonalds that sold veggie burgers before it was even a thing

• And a grocery store that catered to the dietary needs of traditional SDA families

• For many years of my life I looked at this as normal

• But at some point even my mom made statements like, "We do live in a bubble of sorts."

• Because it was

• There was comfort living around other people who had the same beliefs, sent their kids to the same schools and didn't judge you for your unique set of beliefs

• The funny thing is what happened next

• I got married, and we started our family in the greater South Bend, In area

• A city built around a large university - called Notre Dame

• So yes - it was like moving from VeggieVille as we affectionately called Berrien Springs, to Little Vatican City

• Numerous Catholic schools, along with a high percentage of people identifying as Catholic

• In fact, the NBC station in South Bend is called WNDU - for obvious reasons...

• It's not hard to see how religious communities can become little bubbles where people huddle together

Affluence Bubbles:

• This one should be obvious as well

• People cluster in areas where they can live around people in a similar socioeconomic bracket

• Again - comfort comes with familiarity

• Everything in the bubble makes sense

• In a higher bracket areas the restaurants are more expensive, the car dealerships include Maserati and Land Rover and you can get high dollar fashion you can't get in other areas

• It just works...

• But again - it is a bubble - people start looking the same, driving the same cars and viewing the world the same way - even if that way is a little out of touch with reality

• We live in an area that is way above our pay grade

• And we talk about this all the time

• That we live in a bubble - that we can't view this as normal - or a right

• We are humbled to get to live here - and try not to take it for granted

• All we have to do is drive around Newport Beach, or past the Resorts at Pelican Hill and you realize just how out of your league you are

Now - I think that's all the farther I'm going to go.

We could talk about Addiction Bubbles, Sports Team Bubbles, The Lake Life Bubble, Salt Life Bubble, PNW Bubble, The Jeep Wave Bubble - all sorts of bubbles we can be part of in life.

But I think the first 4 we discussed are the most important - the ones that have a pretty big impact on who we are and how we view the world.

// 3. POPPING BUBBLES

So the obvious next step is what to do about it - right?

If we're part of these bubbles - is that ok? Or do we need to pop the bubbles and live outside of them?

Well - the simple answer is yes. We should pop our bubbles.

Now I'm not saying you have to cut all of your connections, live by yourself and spend every waking hour making sure your every thought is original and you aren't being assimilated into anyone else's bubble.

But at the same time - you may be living in a bubble or two that you can't even see. Or better said, you're living in a bubble that has a real hold on you and you don't realize how bad it has become.

Tammy and I realized we were living in a bubble in the Midwest. A huge focus on living a comfortable life, doing all the right, suburban things, attending the big, popular church, running all of our kids through the travel sports programs. And the list goes on...

Moving to California immediately disrupted that bubble - and for a while it felt good! We were living life with eyes open - expanding our horizons - experiencing diversity - and being exposed to a more broad set of political ideologies.

But you bring your baggage with you - right? You can't just move and expect al of your baggage to remain in the previous location.

After being here for 6 years - you can see it creeping back in - the desire for comfortable living, trying to do more, make more and have more.

It's a constant battle to remain true to our desire for simplicity and authenticity.

This is the danger I feel when it comes to bubbles, but here are a few more:

1. Hiding in a bubble our whole life:

   • There is a chance we could miss out on the things God planned for us

2. Disillusionment from being in the bubble so long:

   • Becoming jaded about the world

   • Perceiving the world incorrectly

   • Living based on lies we believe to be true

3. Failing to take risks:

   • Living in the bubble of comfort for too long can make us soft

   • We stop risking in favor of the status quo

4. Growth doesn't happen without struggle:

   • This is a hard one to hear

   • Discomfort is a requirement if we plan to mature

   • Struggles, pain, suffering, persecution - all things that grow us up

   • But sitting back in the easy chair only creates stagnation

So let's wrap things up by returning to the conversation we had about the title of this episode.

I said I originally wanted to call it "Transcending the Huddle" - but then decided on the word "Bubble" because it was closer to the problem I saw.

But...let's come full circle by doing this:

What if we chose to pop our bubbles - but engage in huddles?

Here's what I mean. A "huddle" is a better illustration of the way we should be living:

• Everyone needs a huddle

• Family, friends, co-workers, etc.

• We start out as individuals - doing our own thing - living with an open mind

• But then, from time to time, we huddle up to rest, relax and recharge

• In football - what happens in the huddle?

• Players join together in a common cause

• They take a breath or two

• A new play is called

• A play that sends each member of the team back out into the battle

• In order to make progress - in order to move the ball down the field

• The huddle isn't the goal - and even the plays are a means to an end

• The goal is moving the ball from where you received it - to the other end of the field - scoring points - touchdowns, field goals, etc.

• In life, we huddle up, we run plays and we keep our eyes on the goal

• The goal will be different for each of us - but the goal should be the goal

Let's Land the Plane:

Thanks for joining us again this week.

This week, ask yourself the following questions:

1.  What bubbles were you raised in?

2. Are there bubbles you are still part of?

3. How can you pop the bubbles that have a grip on you and are squeezing the life out of you?

That's it folks! Pretty simple and straightforward today.

Thank you again for joining us this week.

Until next time everyone, have a great week, and as always, keep Transcending Human!

References:

• https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/breaking/ct-met-high-school-cliques-change-study-20190218-story.html

• https://worldpopulationreview.com/us-cities/irvine-ca-population