CDT03 | There Were Landmines & Minefields Along the Way
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CDT03 | There Were Landmines & Minefields Along the Way
Date: January 24, 2022
Welcome back to the podcast - more specifically the Conscience Driven Therapy Series.
But before we get into the content for today - I have some fun news to share...
This week we launched the official Transcend Human Patreon Page...
https://www.patreon.com/transcendhumanpodcast
For those of you who haven't heard of Patreon - it's a membership platform for creative people. And it makes the following possible:
It allows creatives to receive support, and/or get paid for their work
It allows fans to be part of a smaller community and access insider content
I explain the rationale for this further in the podcast episode.
Simple Summary:
It's a way to support the show - and keep us on the air. Pick one of the three levels of support and you will help offset the costs to produce and host the show in the coming years
All levels of support come with behind-the-scenes access to additional content - including Insider Information, additional resources like the CDT tools we'll talk about during this series. And for ongoing conversations about the topics we cover
If any of that sounds good to you - head on over to our Patreon Page after this episode. And join this new community of people interested in Transcending the Human Condition.
Okay - enough of that - let's get into our topic for today...
First, where are we?
Conscience Driven Therapy
Learning to Transcend the Human Condition
PART I: THINGS WE CANNOT CONTROL
Chapter 1: A Lot of Things Came Before Us
Chapter 2: We Were Sent In a Specific Direction
Chapter 3: There Were Landmines & Minefields Along the Way
PART II: THINGS WE CAN CONTROL
Chapter 4: The First Step Toward Health & Healing
Chapter 5: Hold On to the Good - Release the Bad
Chapter 6: Locus of Control & ETOTO
Chapter 7: Understanding the Battle
Chapter 8: Knowing Is Half the Battle
Chapter 9: Transcend Human
Chapter 10: Becoming a CDT Ambassador
Minute of Transparency: I didn't see that coming...
Chapter 3: There Were Landmines & Minefields Along the Way
Defining Landmines & Minefields
Landmines & Minefields come in many colors
Receiving the Purple Heart
// 1. DEFINING LANDMINES & MINEFIELDS
Today we're going to look at the negative events from our past using a military illustration.
In war - there are soldiers, armored vehicles, tanks, planes, ships, guns - all things we can see and deal with. But in war there are also hidden dangers - things like Landmines and Minefields.
These, less visible implements of war, are a perfect illustration of the negative events in our past - for a few reasons:
They are hidden - so we don't even realize the danger we're in until it's too late
When triggered - they can be devastating
And the more we learn about them the better chance we have of surviving them
Now each is unique so let's spend a few minutes defining each one:
Landmines:
For the sake of this illustration we're going to view a Landmine as a one-time negative event from our past
Obviously - before it happened to us - it was in the future
And there may be other Landmines coming in our future
But as we work through this episode - we're looking backward
Looking at Landmines we experienced in the past
And these past Landmines come in two different varieties:
Landmines that happened to us
Landmines we helped bury in the ground
Now at the end of the day - if the Landmine goes off - it doesn't really matter which type it was - it still exploded and it still caused damage
But there are some interesting differences between the two situations:
Being hit by a drunk driver out of nowhere is an example of a Landmine that happened to us
Obviously - this is life altering, you may be seriously injured, and it could change your life forever
But looking back at it - we tend to focus on the event itself - how bad it was - and how angry we were at the drunk driver - or God for allowing it to happen in the first place
Most of our anger will be outward focused
Next, let's say we decided to have an affair. We get caught, and our partner leaves us
We find ourself divorced, and our relationship with our kids is never the same again
In this situation - we can still look back and be angry about the event itself, and we can even be angry with God if that helps
But in this scenario - we are the ones to blame. We helped bury the Landmine. So when it blows up in our face - we have to admit the role we played in the situation
And, in this scenario, there will be inward focused anger - anger at ourself for our behavior
See the difference? Subtle - but very important in dealing with the outcomes from these two scenarios
Next, let's talk about Minefields:
In war, a Minefield is an area where there are numerous Landmines buried
A good example of this is the DMZ - or the Demilitarized Zone between North and South Korea:
It is a 160 mile strip of land that is 2.5 miles wide
And this strip of land was covered in Landmines - at least at the beginning
Work has been done to remove them - but this was the original state of the DMZ - a Minefield meant to keep people from moving from one side to the other
So what does this have to do with us? And our past?
Well - if a Landmine is a one-time negative event in our past - a Minefield is a group of them - or a pattern of Landmines that impacted us in some way or another
And just like Landmines - Minefields come in two varieties:
Minefields created by other people
Minefields we helped create
Similar to Landmines here are some examples of the two different Minefields:
A childhood filled with physical abuse by a parent:
This is a Minefield we did not create
It wasn't our choice - but for some reason it happened to us
We were forced to walk through that Minefield and experience multiple Landmines going off over time
Getting caught up in an addiction we can't seem to kick:
This is a Minefield we created
It evolves over time - and due to the addictive behavior - every now and then we hit a Landmine:
A DUI
Losing a Driver's License
A spouse leaving
Losing a job
And the Landmines keep going off
So that's it for definitions. The simple difference is this:
A Landmine is a one-time negative event in our past
A Minefield is a group of negative events (Landmines) in our past that are all related somehow
// 2. LANDMINES & MINEFIELDS COME IN MANY COLORS
So now that we've defined what we're talking about - let's get specific...
Each of us has been through negative events in our lives - events that happened to us, and events that we participated in. And in both scenarios there was an explosion - something blew up and we experienced pain, suffering, and trauma on some level.
And whether we admit it or not - that trauma isn't something we fold up, put in a suitcase and store in the garage. It is right there with us and follows us around throughout our life:
It bubbles up into unhealthy negative emotions
It impacts how we think
It impacts how we behave
It helps define our world view
It sets boundaries (typically unseen) as to the depth of our future relationships
It impacts how we view ourselves - and our level of self-acceptance
And the list goes on...
Trauma is an area of study just now being fleshed out.
As I researched this episode I found a good example of this:
I found a website for the Trauma Research Foundation: https://traumaresearchfoundation.org/about/our-mission/
I headed to the About page and sure enough - it started in 2018
Now the clinicians who are a part of the foundation may have been studying trauma for a lot longer - but the foundation itself has only been around for a few years
And I think this is a good illustration of where we're at in the field of study
We're just now coming to grips with the fact that people experience trauma in a variety of ways
And this trauma is carried with them throughout their lives - causing various levels of disturbance along the way
Everything from feeling a low level sadness, to feeling like life isn't worth living any more
The DSM-5 includes a variety of mental health diagnoses related to trauma or stress:
According to traumadissociation.com here are the main ones:
Disinhibited Social Engagement Disorder
Reactive Attachment Disorder
Acute Stress Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Now when I was in school the big focus was on the last two:
Acute Stress Disorder was a short-term reaction to a traumatic, or stressful event:
Short-term because it isn't supposed to last longer than 30 days
But still a disorder because we are experiencing significant symptoms in those 30 days
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder is the big brother to Acute Stress Disorder
PTSD is a much longer lasting reaction to trauma - and it can have a much more devastating impact on our life
We tend to associate PTSD with military veterans - coming back from war
However, we've come to understand that PTSD can occur after any sort of trauma:
Being involved in a serious car accident
Going through childhood abuse
Being in a natural disaster
Witnessing a mass shooting
etc.
Each of these situations provide a level of trauma that can lead to symptoms of PTSD
All that to say - trauma is a very real thing - no matter how big of a role it's playing in our lives right now.
And to pull it all together, this trauma is often a direct result of the Landmines and Minefields we walked through - or are still walking through today.
So let's get really specific now - and talk about some of the Landmines and Minefields people walk through in life. Obviously, there is no way we can cover them all - but we'll talk through a few examples in each category...
Starting with: Landmines that happened to us:
A serious car accident
Physical assault
Sexual assault/Rape
Going through a natural disaster
Parents divorcing
Death of a loved one
Witnessing someone else going through one of these things
Next we have Landmines we helped create:
Car accident where we were the drunk driver
Overdose due to a worsening addiction
Serious accident due to extreme or risky behavior
Divorce, or the breakup of our family due to our behavior
Being assaulted after placing ourself in a risky situation (example: visiting a drug house and not having the money to pay the dealer)
Next up, Minefields that were out of our control:
Ritualistic abuse as a child
Ongoing physical, sexual or emotional abuse by a caregiver
Neglect
Extreme poverty and food insecurity as a child
Being raised in an unsafe environment
Living with systemic racism
Having a parent with an addiction
Attending a school where violence occurred daily and little learning took place
Having a severe medical condition (example: epilepsy, Tourette's Syndromes, etc.)
Having a genetic mental health condition like schizophrenia
And finally, Minefields that we helped create:
Alcoholism
Drug Addiction
Gambling Addiction
Prison time due to illegal behavior
Poor anger management leading to legal problems
Hanging out with the wrong crowd - being around unsafe people
Pursuing extramarital relationships - leading to affairs - leading to loss of marriage and family
Again - just a few examples in each category. Thinking we can list every possible scenario would be an exercise in futility.
But the examples are good - as they help flesh out the types of things human beings go through in life. Not just during childhood, but as young adults and throughout our lives...
Things that can cause everything from low levels of trauma - all the way to extreme/debilitating trauma.
The important thing to take from this section is this:
We've all experienced Landmines and Minefields to varying degrees
And we've all carried the trauma from these negative events with us
That trauma still impacts us. It can be subconscious or overt
And it's also important to understand that we're not out of the woods as grown adults
There will be Landmines and Minefields in our future
This is the perfect time to stop and talk about our first CDT Therapy Tool: The Landmines & Minefields Inventory
This tool walks you through a set of questions and a self-evaluation process
When complete - you will have a list of the major negative life events you walked through to date
And if you were honest with yourself - you should have a pretty good idea what level of involvement you had in those events
This tool will be available this week on the TH Patreon Page.
// 3. RECEIVING THE PURPLE HEART
Most people have heard of The Purple Heart:
Originally called the "Badge of Military Merit”
Instituted by George Washington in 1782
It's an award that is bestowed upon a soldier wounded in battle
It's the oldest military award still presented to American service members
I love this for two reasons:
Because it matches up perfectly with our topic this week - using the military illustration of Landmines & Minefields
Because it illustrated the first step in healing from the things that tripped us up in life. The negative life events that harmed us in some way and may have taken us out of the game
Let's walk all the way through this illustration: The life-cycle of a soldier:
A young, high school graduate feels called to a life of service
So he (or she) marches down to the local recruiters office and signs up for the Army
Then they go through the following steps:
They take a test called the ASVAB
They take a physical exam
They meet with a counselor
They take the oath of enlistment
Report to Basic Training
Basic Training - also referred to as Boot Camp is a 10 week intensive training session:
Including physical fitness
What I would call indoctrination
Basically - all you need to know about the Army, its core values and what it means to be a soldier
Next are the tools you need to be a soldier (combat training, teamwork, weapons training, etc.)
And the last 2-3 weeks include advanced training in marksmanship, convoy operations, urban warfare and field training
At the end of Basic Training, you graduate
Then you are assigned to a base somewhere in the US, or around the world
You receive additional training and are now officially part of the machine called the Army
Now bear with me - I know I'm going into a lot of detail here - but it's only because I find it fascinating:
Back in high school I thought seriously about joining the Air Force
I had this dream to fly planes - and my friends and I used to talk about being in the military for our training - then someday flying private jets, or commercial planes
At some point I decided against it - but a few of my friends did go the military route and I'm proud of them for it
Later in life my brother joined the military. He did his initial time and then re-enlisted at least once before leaving military life
And more recently his son, my nephew, joined the Army and is currently serving on the East Coast
And finally, my daughter's boyfriend serves in the Navy as a "Nuke" - short for a Navy soldier who works on the nuclear power plant on a ship. He serves on the USS Lincoln - a large Aircraft Carrier out of San Diego
So because of this I have spent a fair amount of time time talking to people and researching the process
In part to understand what a soldier goes through
But also because there's part of me that wishes I could have been part of it myself
At any rate - on with the illustration
So the soldier is now an official member of the Army
He (or she) is stationed at a base
And eventually they are called to a Tour of Duty
And during this tour - let's say it is in the Middle East - they encounter actual combat
No longer training, or testing or practice scenarios
Real weapons, real bullets and yes, real Landmines and Minefields
One day, on a short mission into a secluded area of the combat zone - the team encounters heavy fire - and our soldier takes a bullet in his (or her) shoulder
They return to base, and are taken to medical where they are patched up:
If it is something they can recover from quickly - they heal and continue to serve
If it is a serious injury that requires additional medical attention they may be sent home to recover
Or, if the injury is so severe it changes their ability to serve - they may be honorably discharged from the Army
But in any of these scenarios - the soldier typically receives the Purple Heart because they were wounded in combat
They put themself in harms way in order to protect our way of life
And that is NOT something to be taken lightly
However! It is important to understand that being awarded the Purple Heart is only Step 1 in the healing process for a soldier.
Yes it is important. Yes it is the right thing to do. Yes they need to be recognized for their service and bravery.
But it's only Step 1. Getting the Purple Heart doesn't mean it's over, said and done. It doesn't mean life for the soldier goes back to normal.
In fact, it's just the beginning. There may be additional medical attention required. And they may start dealing with mental health issues that creep in once returning to civilian life.
Step 2 is the physical and emotional healing required in the future.
And this is exactly what we need to understand about the Landmines and Minefields we walk through in life.
We need to look back on our childhood, our upbringing, and even some of the things we went through as young adults as our Tour of Duty.
During that Tour of Duty we found ourselves in a few Minefields. And unfortunately we stepped on a few Landmines.
And that's what led us to today. That's where we are in life. Wounded, and in need of various levels of medical and emotional attention:
Some of us only need a Bandaid or two and we're good to go
Others require surgery - but fully recover
But there are those who don't recover - their injuries are so severe that they can't rejoin the fight - they aren't able to return to the level they were at prior to the injury
Everyone's Tour of Duty was a little different. But we all experience negative events along the way - it's just the way life works. We refer to it as the Human Condition.
And if this is true - each of us has been through things capable of producing trauma in our life.
And just like the soldier has Step 1 and Step 2 in the healing process - so too we have two very important Steps in our healing.
Step 1: Identify our Landmines & Minefields:
The first step is very similar to receiving our Purple Heart
In order to get that medal - that recognition - a superior officer simply needs to confirm that you were injured in active combat
There needs to be proof by a medical officer that treatment was required after the injury
And if that proof is in place - you aren't "recommended" for the award - you are "entitled" to it
And so it is with us
The first step in the healing process is to define what happened:
This seems like a simple thing - but we all know someone who is closed down about their past
Someone who makes it sound like nothing bad ever happened to them
Maybe it's because they've never done the hard work to really understand how their past affected them
Maybe they haven't defined some of the negative events from their past as traumatic
So that's where we need to start:
Do a ruthless inventory of the things that happened to us
And a ruthless inventory of the things we did to others, or to ourself
Again - we have a tool that can help us identify these things from the past:
It's called: The Landmines & Minefields Inventory
And it will be on the TH Patreon Page this week
Step 2: Dealing with our trauma:
Now that we have everything defined - we know what we're dealing with
We've all heard phrases like:
"The more you know."
"Knowing is half the battle."
"You have to name it to claim it."
"You have to know it to own it."
"You have to define the win in order to achieve the win."
All very similar in that there needs to be a target before we can start shooting
But once the target is in place - we're ready for the next step
Which in this case is to deal with the trauma we've experienced:
Sometimes we refer to this stuff as our "baggage"
Or we say things like, "That person has issues..."
Or, "She is a little unstable."
Or, "He just can't seem to keep it together."
But for the sake of consistency - we're just going to call it trauma
And we're going to allow that to be the blanket that covers all of the negative events from our past - and the impact it has on us today
Now we aren't going to go into great detail on this two step process right now.
But that's ok - because we'll get there...
Conscience Driven Therapy is that two step process. Or at least it's meant to be.
Chapters 1-3 have all been about things we CANNOT control - things that happened to us.
But next week - and for the rest of the book, we're going to talk about the things we CAN control.
Sound familiar?
Step 1: Defining the problem
Step 2: Finding solutions and implementing them
That's our roadmap for the rest of the series.
So let’s land the plane:
This week we wrapped up our 3 Chapter review of the things we cannot control. Things that just come standard with the Human Condition:
Chapter 1: A lot of things came before us (The Controversy, the Sin Virus, our unique DNA)
Chapter 2: We were sent in a specific direction (By People, Places & Things in our past)
Chapter 3: There were Landmines & Minefields along the way (Negative life events that produced trauma in our lives)
So this week - let's ask the following questions:
Looking back on our lives:
Can we list the major Landmines we experienced?
Did these happen to us?
Did we play a role in them happening?
Next, what were some of the Minefields we walked through?
Can we identify Minefields that we were forced into? Things like physical, emotional or sexual abuse? Neglect?
And were there Minefields we built for ourselves? Things like addictions, patterns of illegal behavior or causing relational chaos?
And finally, what would it take for us to get the Purple Heart?
Have we done a ruthless inventory of our past?
Can we list with certainty the things that happened to us, or what we did may have injected trauma into our lives?
And are we able to see the side effects of that trauma in our lives today?
Well - that's it for the first section of the book.
Thank you so much for joining us - I can't wait for next week. In the second section of Conscience Driven Therapy we're going to dive into the things we CAN control.
I hope you'll be back as we start getting into the nitty gritty of the healing process: Chapter 4: CDT04 | The First Step Toward Health & Healing
Have a great week, and as always, keep Transcending Human!