061 | Transcending Differences
May 10, 2021
Minute of Transparency: Which Coast are You?
Today's Topic: Transcending Differences
In this episode:
Differences vs. Similarities
Crossing the invisible line
Proactive evasive action
// 1. DIFFERENCES VS. SIMILARITIES
Like we just talked about - people are different. We used East Coast people vs. West Coast people to get the conversation started.
But you realize how narrow that illustration was right?
When I asked, "Which coast are you?" There was probably a large number of people that wanted to shout, "Neither! Those are two places I wouldn't be caught dead."
I'm a Southern Girl
I'm a guy that lives in the mountains so I can snowboard
I love the great plains
I will die on a beach in Florida
I'm Midwest through and through
And then there is Texas - which is technically another country anyway 🙂
No offense to my friends in Texas!
But that's the truth about us. We can't be clumped down into two small buckets like East Coast and West Coast. Because there are thousands of other places people live, and they love where they live!
And I'm just talking about the United States. Add in other countries and there may be people who don't even know where LA and NY are...
But that's the flavor of the Human Condition.
You've probably all heard warnings like this, "Just think how boring the world would be if we were all alike?"
Transcend Human agrees with this 100%.
In fact, there are probably more differences seen between people than similarities.
Here are areas where we typically see differences magnified:
Race/Ethnicity/Gender - probably the most obvious
Personalities:
Take the Enneagram test for example
They try to split people up into 9 types
But even when you determine what number you are - you find that you have a "wing" number
And then there are the other two to three numbers that were runners up
Adding these into the mix makes the number of unique "personalities" explode
Face and body features
Those you were born with
Those you acquire along the way
And those you choose to change - things like adding piercings or tattoos
Political views
An obvious one from this past year
The differences couldn't have been more visible
Religious views
Since the dawn of time we've sought to understand the divine, the spiritual
And even within a mainline denomination like the Catholic Church you will find all sorts of belief variances
Country to country - and even person to person
But even after all of these glaring differences, there are similarities right?
Nobody talks about them - but they are very foundational to our species as humans.
As a Christian I believe we have the following similarities:
We were all created by the same God
We all have bodies, with blood running through our veins
We all have to eat or we will die
We all have to eliminate waste - or our bodies will shut down
We all breathe air - and if we don't there is a problem
We have all been exposed to this thing called the Sin Virus and we pass it on to our offspring
We all experience the Human Condition
Some seem to have an easier time of it
Others seem never to get a break
But in both scenarios the end result is the same
God sent Jesus to Earth to live the perfect life, and die a death that would cover us for the things we did because of the Sin Virus
And it doesn't matter how different we are, this is one of those things that we all have in common
A second chance at life - an escape from the death that is coming for each of us
We'll talk a bit more about this later in the episode...
// 2. CROSSING THE INVISIBLE LINE
So what happens when we are faced with differences?
When two people butt up against each other and their differences start to cause friction?
When two countries with different ideologies start to experience conflict?
When the political divide widens and the "other side" seems to be off their rockers?
When two religious groups see each other as a threat?
I think it's obvious right? Just looking back through history?
Differences, or viewing other people as different, has often lead to conflict, chaos, fighting, war, broken families, failed relationships, divided countries and even genocide.
The truth is this:
“The more we focus on our differences - the greater the chance we will enter into conflict with others.”
And this is true with people, religious groups, political groups, countries, etc. It's failing to see our similarities that allows the differences to create conflict.
But this is where the invisible line comes into play. A line that is very hard to define, and is often hard to see. But one that completely changes the way we will move forward, and interact with that person, group or country.
On this side of the invisible line, our similarities are what can save us. If we could just focus on what we have in common (from the list above) we would have far less conflict and we would be in a good position to work together to make things better in the world
But on the other side of the invisible line, there are differences that can't be ignored. Injustices that you just can't gloss over by looking at our similarities
On this side of the line - two political rivals should be able to agree to disagree and work together for the greater good.
On the other side of the line - you have scenarios like this:
Countries where human trafficking is tolerated
Countries where the systematic killing of infant girls is ok because families find boys more valuable
Hate Groups - even in our country - whose agenda is hatred, racism and violence
See the difference?
We all see differences between us and those around us. And on this side of the line it's up to us if we want to glorify the differences or similarities.
But on the other side of the line, we are faced with injustice and behavior that seems to go against the laws of humanity itself.
The invisible line is there - and each of us has to figure out where it is for us. What things to we tolerate in order to focus on our similarities vs. our differences. And when do the differences cross that line and require us to stand up say something? To let the person, group or country know we can't just tolerate the behavior because it is flat out wrong - it's a crime against humanity itself?
// 3. PROACTIVE EVASIVE ACTION
We're going to stay away from the other side of the invisible line for now. But just know there are times when:
We need to call the police on people
People need to be taken to court
Protests need to happen in order to bring awareness to the injustices in the world
And a country may need to impose sanctions, or as a last resort go to war to protect innocent people
All of that is inevitable thanks to the Sin Virus.
But for this episode I want to focus on this side of the invisible line. On things that don't cross the line. Everyday differences that we face, and how we face them.
And I think we run into scenarios like this in at least these areas:
Responding to differences in people we aren't immediately connected to:
So this is your neighbor you haven't met
It's the person in your neighborhood who doesn't look like you
It's the political group out campaigning on the corner
It's the religious group that meets in the school down the street
And at any point in time - we may have to decide how we're going to engage these people:
We can focus on our similarities and treat everyone as equals
Or we can go the other way and create tension
Either by publicly engaging the person or group
Getting into public arguments or fights
Using social media to bash others
Engaging others on social media and fighting that way
Responding to differences in people we are connected to:
Your spouse, your family, your girlfriend/boyfriend, the In-laws, the Out-laws
Maybe it's your teachers, friends at school, your youth pastor, your coach
These are all people you are in relationship with
And yet the differences can be very apparent at times right?
My wife and I talk about this all the time
At this point we're firm believers in the idea that "opposites attract"
Because we are a fully functioning example of that
Political views, interests, personality, where we like to live, what we like to watch on TV
I mean the list is endless
So with all of these differences - how do we not kill each other?
That's a great question - but it probably has a lot to do with what we're talking about today
So when you look at these two groups of people - those you aren't connected to, and those you are - do you see a difference in the way you approach each?
Do you treat both groups the same? Do you treat one better than the other?
To wrap things up - I want to suggest there is an invisible line within the invisible line we already talked about.
That on this side of the first invisible line - there is a line we can cross in terms of our behavior.
When we interact with people we don't know, and people we do - there is a line we can cross.
And that line lives somewhere between focusing on our similarities and focusing on our differences.
Let me illustrate with this:
Let's say my wife and I get into an argument over something that we seem pretty passionate about - but that we're not in agreement on.
The debate, or the argument begins to intensify, and voices may start to be raised. And at some point you find yourself at a fork in the road. That invisible line we just talked about. And we have two options:
The first option is to focus on the similarities:
Obviously this isn't easy - especially if or when you are triggered in some way because of the topic
There is also a strong family of origin thing that happens in these situations. What you saw growing up - how you saw your parents handle disagreements - often comes out by default - whether good or bad
But if you can focus on your similarities, and shared vision, you should be able to continue the conversation - even if you know you will need to agree to disagree
The other option is to focus on the differences:
This typically leads to the voices getting even higher
And unfortunately leads to people saying things they can't take back
And in the worst case scenarios - allowing the anger to lead to physical altercations and violent behavior
And this is why I refer to it as the other invisible line.
Because it can be so hard in those situations to recognize when you're getting close to crossing it.
And once the line is crossed - there is often irreparable damage done to the relationship:
Just using a marriage as an example:
When the line is crossed with verbal or physical aggression there is an immediate impact on the other person
It creates doubt
It chips away at the trust built up over time
It leads to an environment where you feel you have to walk on egg shells all the time
And it often leads to broken marriages if it continues on this path
The main thing I want you to take away from this episode is this:
Invisible line number one: Determining when you can focus on similarities and when the differences are so great you have to stand up and be on the side of humanity
Invisible line number two: Making good decisions when interacting with those around you - not crossing the line that will lead to broken relationships
So why is this section called PROACTIVE EVASIVE ACTION?
I put a link to a YouTube video in the show notes. It shows a US military ship taking "evasive action" in order to protect itself.
It's pretty crazy to see a ship that big moving left to right and changing up speed as quickly as it does.
But I thought it was a good illustration for us.
If we can proactively determine where our invisible line is - actually draw the line so we can see it and avoid it. Then we will be more likely to use evasive action in the heat of the moment. We will have planned ahead for the danger coming. Decided in advance that we will focus on our similarities vs. our differences.
And this is probably how my wife and I are still together:
We focus on our similarities
We have a shared vision
We've drawn lines in the sand on this like:
How we argue
How we talk to each other
That there is no room for physical altercations
And that agreeing to disagree is an acceptable outcome
Let’s Land the Plane:
This week, ask yourself the following questions:
Do you tend to focus on other peoples differences? Or the things you have in common?
Have you been able to see the invisible lines at work in your life?
If you tend to push yourself right up to that line, or cross it - what can you do this week to tone it down? To focus more on the similarities rather than the differences?
And finally, what does it look like for you to be proactive with your evasive action?
Thank you for being with us here in NYC this week! Wherever you are - enjoy yourself - make memories and keep Transcending Human!