November 30, 2020

Minute of Transparency: What does Christmas do to your house?

Today’s Topic: Transcending Personality

In this episode:

1. What Is Personality?

2. To Thine Own Self Be True

3. It Takes a Community

4. Preferences, Tests & Inventories

5. You Do You

// 1. WHAT IS PERSONALITY?

The word "personality" is one we've always struggled to define. Though we throw it around all the time - apparently ok with the fact that we don't fully understand the meaning.

I'm sure we've all heard these phrases from time to time:

• Wow...that guy has personality...

• She's not the most attractive person on the block...but she has personality...

• What he lacks in motivation he makes up for in personality...

In each of these scenarios the word is actually used in a positive way. And I feel like that is one thing it has going for it.

When we use the word personality - we are typically referring to a positive side of a person. Though this isn't specific to the word itself - in fact we could just as easily say things like this:

• Wow...that guy has a terrible personality...

• She's so attractive...but certainly lacks personality...

• What he lacks in personality he makes up for in motivation...

We just don't seem to use the negative as much as the positive.

So what does that mean? Well, maybe that deep down we're rooting for people. Maybe we're wanting to see the best in them. And maybe we view personality is that one thing that every human has that goes beyond looks, fame, fortune, money, power, etc.

But let's look a bit more deeply at the word itself. And see if we can get more clarity...

Simply put by Dictionary.com:

Personality is said to be "the combination of characteristics or qualities that form an individual's distinctive character."

Now this is ok - but I'm a bit worries about the word "character" in there. Because to me character suggests a level of spirituality, morality, or at least a deep connection to innate or intrinsic values.

Whereas personality seems to be less specific than that.

Next, I found articles that teased out what the words "characteristics" or "qualities" mean. According to the American Psychological Association:

• Personality is the individual differences in characteristic patterns

• And these patterns show up in the following three ways:

  • Our thinking

  • Our behaving

  • Our feeling (or our emotions)

Sound familiar?

For those of you who have been around TH for a while - you might recognize these from our series called Controversy Theory.

We discussed personality, and how it is made up of these three elements.

But the important part from that series was the locus of control attached to each:

• We discussed that we have direct control over two of the three:

  • Our thinking

  • Our behaving

• And we have indirect control over the third:

  • Our feelings or emotions

  • Indirect - because if we control our thinking and behaving - our emotional response will eventually fall in line

// 2. TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE

Where did this famous quote come from?

Well, it was actually a line from Hamlet, written by William Shakespeare.

And it went something like this: "This above all: to thine own self be true."

Now we're not going to spend the next 20 minutes dissecting this - we'll leave that up to high school english lit classes around the globe...

However, we will steal it and use it for the purposes of this episode...

Because I love the ring to it. I love the statement for its face value.

• Within it there is the assumption that the self is different depending on who you are

• It suggests there is value in the self - no matter who you are

• And that it is something to latch onto and hold dear - your self - your own, personal self

• And finally, to be "true to it" suggests not only accepting it, but then showing it to others

• Letting other people see your true self and being ok with it

Powerful stuff as we keep moving through this content.

// 3. IT TAKES A COMMUNITY

Now this statement is often used in relation to raising kids - right?

We've all heard people say, "It takes a community to raise a child." It's typically said out of exasperation after a child runs off and another adult returns the child to his or her parents.

But it can also be proactive. For my family, it means the other two couples we've done life with for the past 20+ years are 100% able to redirect and correct our kids if they see fit. It's our little version of the community raising the child...

But my point here isn't related to kids, or child rearing...

It's the concept of the community working together toward a common goal.

The minute we go down the road talking about personality - we can tend to become hyper-focused on ourselves right?

Because our personality is ours - it is a very personal, individualistic thing. And the minute you start singling each person out as unique, and as individuals, you allow things like this to creep in:

• Comparison: She has a better personality than he does

• Hierarchy: His personality is to be valued more highly than hers

• Vilification: Suggesting that some personalities have no value - or are bad

So it's important right up front to explain that differences and diversity in personality aren't to be viewed through the lenses above - they are to be highlighted, honored and accepted as part of a thriving community of people.

Aristotle knew this when he said, "The whole is greater than the sum of its parts."

• This is true for an automobile - obviously

• But it is also true of groups of people, teams, and communities working together:

  • Because we understand that the whole is NOT made up of 50 identical parts

  • The whole is made up of 50 unique parts - each doing the one thing they can do to help the whole be successful

And the Bible has a similar explanation:

• 1 Corinthians 12 explains it well. In verses 1-11:

  • The writer explains that there are these things called Spiritual Gifts

  • A list of things that exists - but that are unique to the individual person

  • For example, things like wisdom, healing, prophecy, preaching, teaching, discernment, etc.

  • It isn't a list that each of us needs to memorize and become proficient at

  • It's a list of things that we may or may not be proficient at

  • And if you have only one - that's ok

  • Because your one thing is helpful in the greater community

• In verses 12-31 it illustrates:

  • Using the idea of a body

  • Each part is important

  • The eye, the foot, the hand

  • If every part wanted to be the eye - the body would be deformed and less functional

  • Each part plays a HUGE role in the overall body being whole, and fully functional

// 4. PREFERENCES, TESTS & INVENTORIES

Now at the top of the show I said this:

The word "personality" is one we've always struggled to define. Though we throw it around all the time - apparently ok with the fact that we don't fully understand the meaning.

And this is true - not because we're dumb, and can't understand the concept. But instead - because the concept is so big it is hard to define.

And yet - we try hard to define it. In so many ways...

There are preferences, tests and inventories out there - meant to help define you as a person.

But this is a double edge sword right? Because as you dive into more and more of these - the following starts to happen:

• First, you are becoming more and more aware of who you are - that unique self you need to be true to. And that's great!

• But second, the more you know the more confusing it can get. After taking 4 different personality inventories you might start seeing some conflicting information - which can get confusing. And this is not so great...

• And as a caveat - the worst thing that can happen after taking a bunch of these tests or inventories is to use them to create a very small box for yourself. To lock yourself in and start viewing yourself only through that lens. With no need, or room for change or growth at all. We'll talk a bit more about this before we're done today...

So what I want to do is walk you through a few of test or inventories out there, but first, lets spend a few minutes on preferences:

• These are things that are much less scientific

• And though there may be research available on them, we don't really care

• It's just fun to throw them out there and talk about them

• These preferences can be just about anything - but here are a few you'll recognize:

  • Introvert vs. Extrovert

  • Morning Person vs. Night Person

  • Hot Weather vs. Cold Weather

  • Mountains vs. Beaches

  • Dogs vs. Cats

  • Spicy Food vs. Bland Food

  • Mac vs. PC

  • Liberal vs. Conservative

  • City vs. Country

  • JEEP vs. Everything Else (I only say that because we recently purchased a JEEP and there is some truth to that...)

  • Long Hair vs. Short Hair

  • And my favorite, which we did an episode on recently: Optimist vs. Pessimist vs. Realist vs. Idealist

    • That was episode 037 | "Transcending Your World View" in case you're interested in the full story...

• But the important thing to keep in mind with preferences is that these too help make up our diverse and flavorful world:

  • Your preference isn't right - it's just unique to you

  • Another person's preference is as valid as yours

  • And to try and change another person's preferences is to be fairly narcissistic

  • Changing preferences is a personal thing - something each person should be able to do on their own, if so inclined

  • And the sooner we realize that the sooner we can start chipping away at some of the systemic issues we see in the world today

Now let's turn to Personality Tests or Inventories:

• Unlike preferences - these are typically much more scientific - meaning a lot of time, energy and research has gone into them in order to ensure they are accurate and helpful

• These include, but aren't limited to the following:

  • DiSC

  • HEXACO

  • NEO Personality Inventory

  • Meyers-Brigs Type Indicator

  • Eysenck Personality Inventory

  • Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory (MMPI)

  • The Birkman Method

  • Values & Motives Inventory

  • Motives, Values & Preference Inventory

  • Hogan Personality Inventory

  • Californian Psychological Inventory

  • Personality Assessment Inventory

  • Keirsey Temprament Sorter

  • True Colors

  • Caliper Profile

  • The Rorschach Inkblot Test

  • Szondi Test

  • HIGH5 Test

  • 16 Personality Factor Questionnaire

  • Strengths Finder

  • Insights

  • Enneagram

First off, apologies for reading through that entire list - but I wanted you to get a feel for just how many different explanations there are regarding your personality...

Which is why it's so complicated - and we have a hard time defining what the word personality really means...

So in the list we just talked through - most of the tests or inventories are used by trained psychologists - things like the MMPI and the Rorschach for sure. Tests like these are typically completed as part of a battery of tests called Psychological Testing.

They give the test to a patient, client or subject - and then once completed - they interpret the results and draw conclusions from these results in the form of a diagnosis, or summary of personality.

All that to say - these aren't the tests or inventories most of us take to get to know ourselves better. However, I did list a few of those toward the end of the list.

And I want to touch on them briefly as these are tests I have done myself:

• 16 Personality Factor Questionnaire: https://www.16personalities.com/

  • Based on the Meyers-Brigs Type Indicator

  • But much simpler and easy to self-administer and understand

  • Based on 5 Personality Aspects: Mind, Energy, Nature, Tactics and Identity

  • You are then broken down into 4 High Level categories: Analysts, Diplomats, Sentinels and Explorers

  • And within each of these 4 categories you can be one of 4 types - which is where you get the 16 Personalities

  • When I took this test I can back as "The Defender" or what is referred to as an ISFJ-A Personality Type

    • Simple summary: I tend toward being introverted, observant, feeling and judging

    • "These people tend to be warm and unassuming in their own steady way. They’re efficient and responsible, giving careful attention to practical details in their daily lives."

    • Now obviously there is an entire section of the website describing what it means to be The Defender - but I won't bore you with the details...   

• Strengths Finder: https://www.amazon.com/StrengthsFinder-2-0-Tom-Rath/dp/159562015X

  • This inventory breaks personalities down into 4 domains: Executive, Influencing, Relationship Building and Strategic Thinking

  • And each of these has a list of strengths below them

  • There are 34 Strengths (or Themes) in all

  • When you finish this test it simply lists the 5 strengths you appear to have in order of hierarchy (or how strongly you matched up with each one)

  • When I took the test I came back with these 5 strengths: Strategic, Discipline, Deliberative, Relator and Responsibility

    • Each has an entire page dedicated to it and again I won't bore you with my results... 

• Insights Discovery: https://www.insights.com/us/products/insights-discovery/

  • Now I'm not sure you can just take this test as an individual

  • I took it while working for an organization that had every employee go through it in groups or departments

  • But it was fun, and very insightful...sorry for the pun...

  • Insights breaks you down into colors based on your personality. And here are the colors and their high level significance:

    • Red: Be brief, be bright, be gone...

    • Yellow: Involve me...

    • Green: Show me you care...

    • Blue: Give me details...

  • Now obviously this is very high level and there is a ton of information on what each of these mean

  • When I took the test I came back in the following way:

    • Blue: 98%

    • Green: 65%

    • Red: 58%

    • Yellow: 19% (Falls below the line of any significance...)

  • And this about sums me up. I'm blue because I'm detailed, and can tend toward perfectionism. I'm green because of my social work background most likely - wanting to help people and care for them. I'm red in that I'm entrepreneurial and can lead when called upon to. And I have little to no yellow - which includes things like sunshine, positivity, life of the party, trying random things, being social just for the fun of it, etc.

• Enneagram: https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/

  • A personality inventory based on 9 Distinct Types

  • Each of these types has a name:

    • The Reformer

    • The Helper

    • The Achiever

    • The Individualist

    • The Investigator

    • The Loyalist

    • The Enthusiast

    • The Challenger

    • The Peacemaker

  • Each type has a lengthy explanation, but there are also other distinctions that help flesh out your personality

  • For example:

    • Each number has a core motivation, core weakness, core fear, core desire, and core longing

    • Each number has a healthy side vs. an unhealthy side

    • There is the wing - or the number on either side of your number that you have the most in common with

    • There is a Triad that you most align with

    • And there are paths you follow in stress and in growth

    • Just to mention a few of the explanations available

  • Again, I'll spare you the details - but I came out as a Enneagram 1 (The Reformer) with a 9 wing (The Peacemaker)

// 5. YOU DO YOU

The long and short if it is this:

• These inventories are a lot of fun. And if you've never done anything like this before - I would highly recommend it

• Start with the 16 Personalities - it's free!

• I would then do the Enneagram - which will run you around $12 using the link provided

• Next - I would do the Strengths Finder. To take it, you need to buy the book and there is a code for the test within the book

• And finally, if available to individuals, I would recommend the Insights Discovery

• And these are by no means the only ones out there. These are just ones I have been exposed to in recent years

• I still remember as a teenager taking a test that placed you in one of these categories:

  • Melancholy

  • Phlegmatic

  • Choleric

  • Sanguine

• I also remember a test that categorized you as an animal:

  • Lion

  • Otter

  • Golden Retriever

  • Beaver

• Like I said - just good old fashioned fun - learning about yourself

So let's finish things off with a few clarifications, caveats and warnings...

• The most important of them all is this:

  • These inventories DO NOT define you for life - or label you in such a way as to suggest you have no control over you life in the future!

  • At best they are like looking in a cracked mirror

  • You see bits and pieces of yourself

  • But it isn't the full picture - it isn't 100% true and it shouldn't define you for the rest of your life

• Don't use these inventories as an excuse for your negative behavior:

  • A tendency we have is to say, "Well, that's just who I am. That's my personality."

  • And in so doing - refuse to work on the unhealthy or negative sides of your personality

  • Again, it doesn't define you - especially the negative things!

  • You have the power to change things you don't like about yourself, or things that hold you back because it's just easier for you to be that way...

• Recognize that there are certain personality traits you have that are consistent across most tests/inventories:

  • This is super cool

  • And super helpful in that when you start to see consistency in multiple inventories - you can start to paint a fairly accurate picture of who you are - what tendencies you have

  • This isn't bad - in fact it could be very enlightening as you read some of these descriptions for the first time

  • It can almost feel like someone found your diary or personal journal and used it to write about your personality

• And finally - understand that along with the super helpful description, comes other information:

  • Most inventories offer a list of positive and negative traits to your personality

  • Or with the Enneagram, it explains what you look like when you are "healthy" and "unhealthy"

  • It's important NOT to view these lists as descriptive, or prescriptive

  • These are simply the extremes - the best and worst of you

  • However, they are helpful in the following ways:

    • When reading through the "healthy" or "positive" list - use the items as aspirational - and try to bring those things out in your life as much as possible

    • When reading through the "unhealthy" or "negative" list - use the items as guardrails - look for them in your life and when you start to see them - know that you are heading in the wrong direction. Stop, assess things and make a plan for moving back into your sweet spot

Let’s Land the Plane:

So what does it really mean when I say Transcending Personality?

Simply put - it means to learn more about yourself and grow as a person. Being a Lifelong Learner - which is one of the elements in the GROWTH Value TH is built on.

It means not sitting back and allowing life to come at you.

It means being proactive, learning more about what makes you tick, and using that to grow as a person and to impact the world around you in a more positive way.

This week I only have two things for you:

1. If you have already completed one or more of the inventories we talked about today:

   • Spend some time reviewing your personality type

   • Do a little more reading about it and what it means for you

   • Maybe take a look at the unhealthy or negative side of your personality and do a heart check

   • If you see some of those things creeping in - what could you do this week to course correct?

2. For those of you who have never tried one of these tests or inventories:

   • Pick one and give it a try

   • When you're done - discuss your results with a spouse, or trusted friend and see if they see the same things in you

And that's it! Growth, being a Lifelong Leaner, and applying the things we learn in order to help us take steps in the right direction.

Thanks again for being here with us today. Have a great week - and until next time - keep Transcending Human!

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References:

• https://www.dictionary.com/browse/personality

• https://www.apa.org/topics/personality

• https://literarydevices.net/to-thine-own-self-be-true/

• https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/20103-the-whole-is-greater-than-the-sum-of-its-parts

• https://www.workstyle.io/best-personality-test