036 | Transcending Low Frustration Tolerance
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036 | Transcending Low Frustration Tolerance
October 26, 2020
Minute of Transparency: What kind of a worker are you?
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/thinkers-connectors-doers-james-jadotte/
Thinker? Slow, methodical, processing. Solution-focused, forward-thinking, bleeding edge, full of ideas.
Connector? Relational, networker, connects people with people and ideas with people.
Doer? Self starters, git-er-done individuals. Innovative, resourceful, fast and organized - paying attention to detail.
Today’s Topic: Transcending Low Frustration Tolerance
In this episode:
How Low Can You Go?
Can You See it Coming?
Where Are You On the Spectrum?
Moving Toward HFT
// 1. HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?
During this strange pandemic season, I’m assuming we’ve all experienced this roller coaster of emotions:
From the good times with our families - getting to be together again
To the sad, uncertainty that comes with being locked in our homes - unable to go about life as usual
To the anger that comes when you see your kids suffering through online school, or your business failing because it’s not considered essential
And it’s not just our imaginations at work.
The CDC (among others) has been assessing the impact the pandemic has had on our state of emotional wellbeing, in order to promote health during the pandemic:
https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/69/wr/mm6932a1.htm
June 24, 2020 report the following was found:
40% of US adults reporting mental health issues
31% reporting an increase symptoms of anxiety and depression
26% reporting trauma/stressor related disorder symptoms
13% report starting or increasing their use of substances
11% report seriously considering suicide
https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/daily-life-coping/managing-stress-anxiety.html
Later - in July 2020 - they released an article that basically summed it all up as “stress” - in the article “Coping with Stress” which called out things like:
“Pandemics can be stressful"
“Everyone reacts differently to Stressful Situations"
“Healthy Ways to Cope With Stress"
“Recovering from COVID-19 or Ending Home Isolation"
Interesting that they boiled it all down to “stress.” Though I guess if you were looking for one word to summarize the global atmosphere right now - stress would be on the list.
Prior to the pandemic, stress was associated with a hectic work life, difficulties at home, relational problems, etc. So if you look at it that way, COVID is actually a “stress multiplier:”
Not only is it stressful knowing the virus is out there all the time
And it is stressful dealing with the fallout of quarantine
But the original stress items like hectic work life, difficulties at home and relational problems are still there - and get ratcheted up even more - exacerbated by the pandemic!
But I digress… This episode is not about COVID. And it’s really not about stress. Though both of these things can and will impact our topic today - which is Low Frustration Tolerance.
I can still remember when I first heard this term used. I believe it was back when I was in my Master’s program:
We often referred to it when discussing mental health disorders like depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc.
But that isn’t the only place we find LFT…
We don’t have to be dealing with a mental health disorder because LFT is as common as the cold. Any given person, on any given day has to live on the spectrum between LFT and HFT
Similar to the concept of having good days and bad days - only a bit more specific than that:
On good days we’re much more tolerant in dealing with the ups and downs coming our way
On bad days our temperature starts to rise and these ups and downs start to look bigger, and more stressful than they really are
So maybe a good way to view LFT is this:
But before we get too far, let’s get an official working definition in place:
Wikipedia explains it this way: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Low_frustration_tolerance
Low frustration tolerance (LFT), or "short-term hedonism" is a concept utilized to describe the inability to tolerate unpleasant feelings or stressful situations. It stems from the feeling that reality should be as wished, and that any frustration should be resolved quickly and easily. People with low frustration tolerance experience emotional disturbance when frustrations are not quickly resolved. Behaviors are then directed towards avoiding frustrating events which, paradoxically, leads to increased frustration and even greater mental stress.
A bit heady…so let’s find something a bit simpler:
SmartRecovery.com explains it this way: https://www.smartrecovery.org/help-for-low-frustration-tolerance/
“Low Frustration Tolerance is the demand that you get what you want quickly and without hassle.”
So breaking this definition down, we see three very important elements:
The first is the word “demand”
The second is the word “quickly"
The third is the word “easily” or as they call it, “without hassle"
You can see already this is a recipe for disaster - right?
Especially the way Wikipedia explains it - that it is really a self-sustaining cycle that builds on itself and can lead to even greater distress…
If you need a few more symptoms of LFT - here are a few: https://exploringyourmind.com/low-frustration-tolerance/
An inability to differentiate between desires and needs
Anger and attacking behavior when needs aren’t met
An inability to understand that life doesn’t have to be easy and comfortable
A striving to ensure that life is easy and comfortable
Intense focus on what should be vs. what is
Fear of failure
Low levels of patience
Dangerous side effects if left unchecked:
Procrastination
Relational problems
Compulsive disorders like excessive shopping, kleptomania, trichotillomania (fidgeting, pulling hair)
Substance use
Self harm
Explosive anger
etc.
// 2. CAN YOU SEE IT COMING?
So were does LFT come from? I’m sure there are many reasons for LFT and things that play into it. BUT for the purposes of this podcast episode let’s focus on three:
Personality
Increased Stress (both normal and increased stress as we’re seeing during this COVID pandemic)
Serious LFT associated with Mental Health Disorders
Personality:
We’re all different - so it makes sense that we each are at different places based on our personality or temperament
I don’t have a list of common people types, or some buckets that we can clump people in
All I have is this explanation that there is a spectrum that stretches between LFT and HFT
And everyone is on it somewhere:
Some people lean more toward a positive outlook, and a tendency to roll with the punches
And others lean the other way, with a jumpy spirit and a difficult time handling the cards they are dealt in life
Increased Stress:
This is NOT something a small group of people deal with
Stress is inevitable - it will happen to all of us at varying levels in our lives
And LFT is a common byproduct of increased stress
One way to think of it is that stress is a “multiplier”
For example:
Let’s pretend we all start out with a LFT value when we’re at baseline - on a normal, average day
Let’s say I’m a 3, my wife is a 1 and my oldest child is a 6
Now, let’s throw in a big bucket of stress which we’ll say has a “multiplier” of 10
Now under stress, I’m at a 30, my wife is at 10 and my oldest child is at 60
Not scientific by any stretch - but an interesting illustration of the way stress impacts our typical, baseline LFT score
And I think this is being seen on a national scale given the pandemic, racial tension and political climate we’re experiencing
Mental Health Disorders:
And finally, there is the “clinical” level of LFT
The diagnosable level when LFT reaches a peak, and is directly connected to a bigger disorder like anxiety or depression
When things reach the mental health disorder level, we understand they are critical
The thinking, behaving and emotional trauma that we’re experiencing is at a level that can be dangerous, and something needs to be done
But because LFT is not the diagnosed issue - clinicians will often work on the diagnosed problem
Alleviating the Anxiety or Depression through a combination of medication management and therapy
// 3. WHERE ARE YOU ON THE SPECTRUM?
So given this information - let’s do some self diagnosis…
First of all - and most important! If you believe you are in the severe range, and that there may be something bigger going on like clinical depression or debilitating anxiety. Make an appointment with your family physician. They can help you assess the severity, and either begin working with you on a solution, or refer you to someone who can.
For everyone else, the questions is, where are we at on the spectrum?
If we added numeric values to LFT - like creating a LFT Scale from 1-10
Where 1 was comatose (or living in blissful oblivion)
And 10 was us screaming bloody murder about every little thing that doesn’t go our way
Where would we fall?
Or maybe a better question is this: What is our LFT Range?
In other words:
If we took our number at baseline (when things seem to be going our way)
And then determined our number in stress (when the water starts to rise)
What would that look like?
Are we a 2-7 for example?
A 3-6
Or a 5-9
etc.
Definitely helpful to know this about ourselves in order to be proactive about the way we fight LFT
// 4. MOVING TOWARD HFT
Now that we’ve talked about LFT, what it is, and how it can impact us. The next step is to use that knowledge to be better. To Transcend LFT if possible and move toward High Frustration Tolerance (HFT)…
So how does that work?
Is there a magic cure - a button we can push to keep it in check?
Of course not… As with everything in life - nothing good comes easily. As we know, the best things in life, the things that mean the most to us, are often the things that require the most practice, or work to achieve.
Think how boring winning a gold medal at the olympics would be if you didn’t have to do anything to get it…
Think how meaningless a marriage could feel if you never had to work through hard times together…
And think how much more meaningful it is to drive a car you restored, than to drive a newer car off a sales lot…
And the same goes for dealing with LFT. There is no quick fix - no simple cure. Chances are the way LFT impacts you took years to learn. And during this time it was creating deep roots and rigid grooves in our brain tissue. These superhighways ensure this behavior the go to behavior. It makes it the fastest route from point A to point B when we begin to experience stress…
Another (shorter) minute of transparency…
This episode is very real for me. Because I know that LFT is something I struggle with. It has me in its talons and has held me there for many years.
Some days are better than others, but it’s always there. It’s my go to. My comfort zone when things get rough. The more I read about it the more I understand how entrenched I am in the subtleties it provides…
And in researching it, I have come to learn that it impacts me in the following ways:
A desire for things to be a certain way - and feeling a little off if they aren’t that way
A desire for things to be comfortable - and the minute something challenges that, getting frustrated that it can’t be that way
A desire to remain calm, and free from conflict - and feeling out of control when it can’t be avoided
A desire for things to be fair, or just - and feeling the dissonance when that isn’t realized
A desire for things to happen when they are supposed to happen (routines) - and getting irritated when plans change
A desire to let others know what they could do to make life more “perfect"
A desire to let others know that some of the things they are doing could be done better, or more efficiently
See the pattern?
Some people refer to this as a controlling personality, or a form of perfectionism - and I guess you can call it whatever you want. I’m not going to go as far as to say they are all the same, but there is definitely a lot of overlap between them
So let’s talk about what we can do…
I’ve already said - if this is severe - connect with your family physician.
But for everyone else - the solution requires some work on our end.
Transcend Human recommends the following process:
Awareness:
You know what they say, “Knowing is half the battle"
Or as Dr. Phil says, “You have to name it to claim it"
Both are getting at the same truth - until you realize you have a problem with something you will continue to have the problem
So self awareness is key
And that’s hopefully what this episode did for you today
It forced you to lean about LFT and then assess the impact it has had on your life in the past, or currently
Now that you’ve done that piece, you’re ready for step 2
Develop a Plan:
Next is to take that knowledge and come up with a plan of attack
Being proactive like this is one of the biggest concepts presented by Transcend Human:
Moving from being reactive to being proactive
Giving yourself space to think ahead and determine how you want to respond to things before they happen
Before a triggering event, or a stressful situation dropping on you
And not just being proactive about unforeseen things - but deciding how you want to react in everyday situations
For example - if you typically live at a 4 on the LFT Scale - what would it look like for you to drop that number to a 2?
Learn Your ABC’s:
Sounds funny I know...
But the ABC method is a tried and true practice in both Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Rational Emotive Therapy
If you can learn this method, it will help equip you for times when your LFT kicks up...
The ABCs Crash Course: https://smartrecovery.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/ABC_crash_course.pdf
Read the entire article in order to fully understand the process. But here is a brief summary:
The ABC method is based on an understanding that your LFT is caused by irrational beliefs you hold about the situation you’re in
And that if you can target those beliefs, and change them, you can begin to do the following:
Control the emotions you are experiencing
Control the thoughts you are having
Control the negative behaviors you’re engaging in
Here’s the basic structure:
A: Activating Event: The thing that appears to be causing you the problem
B: The Irrational Belief(s) you have about the event
C: The Consequences of holding onto these beliefs
D: The ability to Dispute the irrational beliefs
E: The ability to replace the irrational beliefs with new Effective Beliefs
So lets play this out in a real life situation:
A: I took up piano and failed miserably
B: I must always be successful
C: Feel bad, depressed, irritable, jealous of others who can play, and critical of myself
D: Where is it written that I have to be successful at piano? Or anything for that matter?
E: I would love to be able to play piano, but maybe it’s just not something that’s in my wheelhouse and I’m ok with that. I’ll try something else!
Now on paper this seems so simplistic…
We can read it and be like, “Well duh…that makes sense…"
Because ultimately, seeing it this black and white - we know it is true
We understand the concept
But unfortunately this isn’t the way our brains work!
We get into a situation where our emotions start getting the best of us and this goes completely out the window...
We completely forget that we know our ABCs and we go immediately to our Irrational Beliefs - and eventually LFT...
Let’s Land the Plane: This week, ask yourself the following questions:
Is LFT something I struggle with?
If so, where am I at on the LFT Scale? What is my LFT Range?
How has LFT impacted me and my important relationships?
And finally, do I know my ABCs?
And am I willing to try using them this week?
My hope for each of us this week is that we can move at least one step in the direction of HFT. And leave behind some of the irritability, frustration, anger and pain that comes with LFT…
Thanks again for choosing Transcend Human. We understand you have thousands of podcast choices these days. But we love that you chose to hang out with us this week.
Until next time, keep Transcending Human!