4 Step Decision-Making Process
Last week on the podcast we discussed Transcending Moderation. We learned that moderation is not just for kids. And that learning to moderate our behavior is one of the keys to becoming a mature adult.
In that episode I recommended a 4 Step Decision-Making Process. At the time I was hyper-focused on moderation - so I used that terminology when explaining the process. But today, I want to go back over it in more general terms - so we can see how useful it might be in everyday decision-making.
So let’s set the stage:
Decisions you do NOT need to use this process for:
What cereal to eat for breakfast
What color of shirt to wear in the morning
Which route to take to work
Decisions you MIGHT use this process for:
Deciding between eating a Cobb Salad or Fettuccini Alfredo
Deciding between two jobs based on salary alone
Choosing what friend group you will spend the most time with
Decisions you WILL need to use this process for:
Deciding if using drugs or alcohol is right for you
Determining if you should remain faithful to your spouse or not
Deciding if you should be a little unethical at work just to keep your job, or get a promotion
That said - lets dive right in!
4 Step Decision-Making Process:
STEP 1: Ask yourself: Is this a right or wrong thing?
If it is right (morally right, and fits within your identified and accepted value system) - proceed with the decision/behavior and DO NOT move to Step 2
If it is wrong (morally wrong, goes against your identified and accepted value system) - DO NOT move ahead with the decision/behavior, and DO NOT move to Step 2
If you determine that it is not wrong for you - but you still have some obvious concerns about the decision/behavior - move to Step 2
STEP 2: Ask yourself: What are the observable negative outcomes?
Be honest with yourself and list the cons - the negative things you’ve seen happen when people make this decision or engage in this behavior
Next, list the worst case scenario - the thing you’ve seen happen when a person gives themselves fully to this decision or behavior
Step 3: Ask Yourself: Based on the observed negative outcomes, how should I proceed?
This is really a question related to moderation
How much of this behavior is appropriate for me?
How often should I engage in this behavior before it moves from appropriate to inappropriate?
Set boundaries based on this to ensure you will not go past the acceptable amount
Step 4: Ask yourself: Am I sticking with the plan?
This is when you do a reality check
It’s the step that closes the round-trip feedback loop* we’ve created
To do this, you need to check in with yourself on a regular basis to see if you’re maintaining your boundaries
And if you’re really serious about this - you need to find an Accountability Partner:
This is someone who you trust - and are willing to share this process with
They understand the situation and the boundaries you’ve set for yourself
When you talk to them they should do one of the following:
Agree with your self-assessment and encourage you for your effort
Or, push back if they see that you are rationalizing or minimizing things in your self-assessment
They would then encourage you to take a step back and re-assess the behavior and if it is really the right thing for you to engage in
*More information on feedback loops: “A feedback loop is the part of a system in which some portion (or all) of the system's output is used as input for future operations. Each feedback loop has a minimum of four stages. During the first stage, input is created. During the second stage, input is captured and stored. During the third stage, input is analyzed and during the fourth stage, the insight gained from analysis is used to make decisions.”
https://searchitchannel.techtarget.com/definition/feedback-loop
FLESHING IT OUT
So how does this work in real life?
Here are three scenarios that might be helpful as examples:
SCENARIO 1: A woman starts to show interest in you at work. You’re married - but she is so interesting and seems to have so much in common with you. You’re trying to decide what to do next.
Step 1: You run it through your morals and values filter and realize it goes against your core beliefs. You decide not to pursue things with the woman at work. You do not go to Step 2
Step 2: N/A
Step 3: N/A
Step 4: N/A
SCENARIO 2: A close friend tells you they have won over $100,000 at the casinos in the last 5 years. They ask you to go, and suggest they could show you the ropes.
Step 1: You run it through your morals and values filter and determine that it does not go against your belief system. You move to Step 2
Step 2: You see that your friend appears to be very successful gambling. However, you have other friends that seem to lose all the time. And you’ve seen commercials where people have lost everything they own gambling because they become addicted to it
Step 3: You decide you’re going to go - but you know you need to set boundaries for yourself. You talk through it with your spouse and determine that you can go a couple times a year, and you can set aside $250 to gamble with each time. Once the $250 is gone - you’re done
Step 4: You’ve gone a few times and each time you’ve either left ahead, or you’ve stopped when the $250 runs out. Your spouse is ok with things and your friend compliments you for sticking to your guns
SCENARIO 3: The group you’re hanging with has always pushed the envelope. And drinking has become a BIG part of weekend hangouts - to the point where most of them are drunk and passed out by the end of the night.
Step 1: You run it through your morals and values filter and determine that it does not necessarily go against your belief system. You move to Step 2
Step 2: You see that some of your friends can’t handle their alcohol and wind up doing things they aren’t proud of the next day. And you know you have people in your family who struggle with addiction - one of which died from a drug overdose
Step 3: You decide this won’t be your story. You keep going, and engage in similar behaviors - telling yourself it only happens on weekends - and that this will be the boundary for you. Only on weekends
Step 4: Over the next 6 months, the parties continue, and have slowly become more regular. In fact, the weekend get togethers have become Friday through Sunday affairs at this point. And the group is even talking about ways to work Thursday nights into the mix
At one point you told a close friend (not in the group) about the parties and that you were worried about how crazy they got at times
This friend suggests he has seen a change in your behavior too. You’ve been missing days of work, and you seem to be spending a lot of time at the beginning of the week “recovering” from the weekend activities. You've even missed a few Mondays due to “sickness”
You trust this friends advice, so you move back to Step 1 to assess if drinking is the right thing for you. You recognize that you weren’t able to stick to the boundaries you put in place, and that your behavior might need to change
LANDING THE PLANE
I know what you’re thinking… It’s never this easy…
These scenarios sound simple on paper, but in the real world there is so much more going on - so much more at stake.
And you would be right.
Life is difficult, messy and often hard to put in a simple box like this. But where does that leave us?
It seems like we can do one of the following:
Throw up our hands and let the world roll us in whatever direction it chooses
Or, find little things like the 4 Step Decision-Making Process and at least give them a try
It might not work every time. But it could help expose the full-circle ramifications of the decisions you are making, and the behaviors you’re engaging in.
Hope this was helpful to you in some form or fashion. And as always, keep Transcending Human!